This is me last week in Ireland after watching Rob the border Collie herd sheep. I kind of like the way my gray hair looks. My natural color would be a dirty blond and I have no patience for maintaining dyed hair.
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Rob is a good boy.
I’m with you with the dyed hair. My skin doesn’t tolerate it and I can’t be bothered (pocketbook-wise nor time-wise). My hair is naturally dark, so I have had many different naturally highlighted looks over the years. My hairdresser loves the color and so do I. Do I ever look younger than I am? No. Have I ever aspired to look younger than my age? No again. I have a very good friend that is a red head. She has had such a wonderful evolution of color with age. From fiery red to soft strawberry blond.
As far as the original OP is concerned; I love a natural look at all ages. One thing that surprised me in the US (California) in comparison to Europe (Southern Europe): mothers not putting on a swim suit to go for a swim on the beach or the pool with their children. Maybe they don’t like swimming but I think it has more to do with not liking their bodies in a swim suit. I grew up around sea-loving people that will put any body at any age into whatever swimsuit the stores are selling, in order to be on the beach and in the sea. It has taught me an appreciation of the human body at all ages (which I hope to have passed on to my children as well). If I can impart any bathing suit fashion advice to the guys, it’s skip the Speedo if the gut is large enough to make it invisible. 
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I have no interest in dyeing my hair, but I went to a local salon to get a haircut and ended up adding a brow tint. Just wow. My eyebrows apparently went grey and invisible long before my hair. Color treatment brought them back! I will be spending $15 plus tip on this service long before I decide to color my hair.
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The dark hair thing has to do with your skin tone. When my hair is too dark I feel like I look like Snape (my personal opinion). As you age, you hair naturally lightens (the addition of the greys), and your skin color changes slightly. Nature makes the lighter hair go well with your changed skin. When you go darker or even your “former” hair color, it just looks wrong against your skin tone.
We haven’t talked about men’s hair in this thread. Most men’s hair coloring makes them look old, just so unnatural!
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I think that’s the big societal double standard in that we “expect” men to grey and they look “distinguished” but women look “old” when they grey.
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Mostly true. I will say that men with long grey hair don’t look good in my opinion - they look like aging hippies or musicians - making them look older than they really are.
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But that means people will treat you differently if you have gray hair, even if it’s unfair. After my running partner went gray, she said it was a big mistake because of how she was perceived. I will keep dying my hair for a long time. But I admire people who go gray and don’t care what other people think!
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It never occurred to me to dye my hair. I just never realized how many people were doing that. This thread is really interesting.
I think I may look older after a double mastectomy and several spinal fractures. I do try to wear clothes that hide the former. I can still stand pretty straight so hope the latter is not too evident.
The hard part about being older, for me, has more to do with how I feel, not how I look.
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I agree about perception. I used to dye my hair, so I understand. I had to stop because I became allergic to dye & swelled up like a pufferfish. At first, I felt like I was invisible in many situations. Fortunately, I was working at an art school at the time, and I was celebrated for being my true self. I realized that I am not old just because I have gray hair, and my focus became embracing myself for the person I am. My confidence is actually better than it’s ever been. I don’t let myself be invisible unless I want to be (and I do often want to be). I figure that me having gray hair is no different than the person who has green or purple hair … we’ll both be judged by some, but we just don’t care.
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I was going gray at 29, similar to my mom. No way I was going to be gray at that age.
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FWIW, I think gray hair on women is an underrated look. Maybe it’s not for everyone, but it can create a look that is very natural, refreshing, beyond the inexperience of youth, etc.
It’s similar to aging skin. Some wrinkles and weathering adds character to one’s look. I often don’t understand the effort to cover it up with makeup.
If the goal, whether it is conscious or subconscious, is to create a more youthful look to be more appealing to men, I suppose it will do just that for some men. But I’ve always viewed older men that never mature in their tastes, and continue to value younger women, as being kind of creepy.
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I dye my hair because it takes 10 years off my face, so I do this every 6 months, very good quality product though. I normally don’t wear make up, but when I do it takes another 10 year off my face. So that’s all I do, I’m back to 36 now. I just wear normal jean and t-shirt on most days, that’s youthful enough, no tricks beauty, either that I’m just a lazy or laid back person. Same approach to everything in my life.
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On the topic of eyebrows, I tint mine at home and it’s a game changer. I used to get them waxed and tinted at the salon, but COVID, so I figured out how to do it at home. I’ve let them grow in fuller too and that also makes me look younger.
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I’m curious about your dye color vs your roots. Your dye must be very close to your root color….or do you do your roots o use Style Edit or something.
My new color looks like a variegated grey luxury vinyl tile plank floor. A mix of grey, brown, silver, white, etc. I love it. But the best part is…when it starts to grow…which it does almost immediately…the roots blend right in. That’s what I wanted, and it’s great.
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When I wrote that “it never occurred to me to dye my hair” I meant it was not on my radar at all. It wasn’t a decision or anything. I just didn’t think about it. My daughter just expressed this as me being “totally checked out on this front.” I have never been to a hairdresser in my life, or had a manicure and I didn’t even know about tweezing eyebrows. Can’t explain this gap in my experience. Since it was not on my mind at all, I don’t really have an opinion on dye versus no dye. I agree perception of us is affected, but not always negatively.
Since this was brought up I realized a group of friends have all dyed their hair. I was the only gray one in a recent gathering. I am also the only one who is not with a spouse. I wonder if there is a correlation. Maybe just coincidence.
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I’m not sure what they do, but they mixed a bunch of stuff recently. I told them ash brown, but this time they added something a bit more red than I would have like, so I’ll fix them next time.
In my 60s, and I get a “full foil” 2-3x a year for my brown hair to add in shades of golden brown so the grey blends in better and is not so obvious. My grey hair is flat and dull, not gorgeous like some of my friends have, so I prefer it to disappear. I use a light foundation to even out my skin color and then eye pencil, that’s it for makeup. I wear simple cuts, dark colors – Eileen Fisher is my go-to work wardrobe. I bought the core elements buying retail, and now pick up bargains on ebay because I know exactly what I’m looking for.
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I dye my hair. My sister does not. She has been mistaken for my mother, at least twice that I’m aware of. YMMV.
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My hair is very dull, which is why I miss my younger days when my hair was just naturally looking very healthy.
Does hair color matter that much or is it taking care of your hair to look nice - a flattering cut, a cute headband or clip or whatever - not looking a mess!
Also someone mentioned that people over 40 should not dress too revealing. I’d like to hear some opinions about what is “too revealing”. I mean, at any age should we reveal too much?
When I see people at the beach with a bathing suit that either reveals to much or doesn’t fit the body type I often wonder - did the person chose that look or is that just the bathing suit they have had for 20 years and they pull it out one week a year for a beach vacation even though their body has changed?!
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