Feedback on common app essay

Would anyone be willing to give me feedback on my common app essay?

Please make sure to show your essay ONLY to adults with a proven posting history.

Click on their name, and then on “threads.” You should see evidence of a career, of a spouse and/or kids. You should see a lot of posts, and a lot of “likes” and “Helpfuls.”

You do NOT want your essay plagiarized.

And never, ever post your essay online. It will be picked up by the plagiarism filters, and you’ll end up plagiarizing your own essay.

Would you like me to read it again? If not, that’s okay…

@MrElonMusk Yes! I restarted and pretty much entirely rewrote it so that would be really helpful!