<p>I only have the diversity one completely finished so far. Could someone please proofread it for me? I am having my friends read it too, but I think anonymous feedback would be extremely helpful.</p>
<p>"We know that diversity makes us a better university -- better for learning, for teaching, and for conducting research."
(U-M President Mary Sue Coleman)
Share an experience through which you have gained respect for intellectual, social, or cultural differences. Comment on how your personal experiences and achievements would contribute to the diversity of the University of Michigan. </p>
<pre><code>Every year, students learning Spanish at my school are given the opportunity to spend a day in a Mexican neighborhood called Pilsen in Chicago. Ive gone for the past two years, but this year Ive finally learned something besides how good the food is at the Nuevo Leon restaurant.
Pilsen is not particularly the best neighborhood in Chicago, and its roads, shops, and houses are run down and dilapidated. There are bars on the windows and garbage in the alleys. I was afraid while walking down the street because everywhere I looked screamed Poor!. I didnt bring a purse with me because I was afraid it would be snatched. I tried not to make eye contact with anybody and walked on the far side of the side of the sidewalk.
After all these thoughts ran through my head, I immediately began scolding myself. Inside my mind I was yelling at my ignorance. I was incredibly angry that I could think this way. All of my life I have been sheltered and living in decent neighborhoods and attended good schools. I knew nothing of the poor and I actually hated myself. I actually feel like crying while typing this right now. I do not have any right to blindly judge the poor and assume that my status as an upper middle-class citizen permits such hideous thoughts.
I realize that I know nothing of hardship. So I have decided to help by tutoring Hispanic children whose parents cannot speak English. Mentoring is what I am best at. I do not simply pity the poor, I help them. I do not know anything about their lives, and I will learn. Pre-judgment is dim-witted and pathetic. I need to speak with and understand a different point of view. I should not assume that the poor have become so because they do not care or because they were born dumb because I am certain that there is potential in everybody to learn and improve, and I will draw that out.
At the University of Michigan I want to broaden my perspective even more. I live in a white upper middle-class town, which bores me to no end. Nothing special happens because everybody is just the same. I have read everywhere that UM is famous for its vastly diverse population, and I want to experience that. I want to meet students and faculty from other Pilsen-like neighborhoods from around the country and international students from nations that I may know nothing of so I can learn.
</code></pre>
<p>I just revised my essay with the help of a friend. Can anyone tell me what they think of it overall? (If you notice any surface errors, please tell me. My grammar is not the best.)</p>
<pre><code> Every year, Spanish students at my school are provided with the opportunity to spend a day in a Mexican neighborhood called Pilsen in Chicago. I have gone for the past two years, but this year I finally learned something besides how good the food is at the Nuevo Leon restaurant.
Pilsen is not the best neighborhood in Chicago; its roads, shops, and houses are run-down and dilapidated. There are bars on the windows and garbage in the alleys. I cautiously walked down the street because everywhere I looked screamed, “Poor!” I did not bring a purse with me because I was afraid it would be snatched. I tried not to make eye contact with anybody and walked on the outside of the sidewalk.
After all these thoughts ran through my head, I immediately began scolding myself. Inside my mind, I was yelling at my ignorance. I was incredibly angry that I could think this way. All of my life I have been sheltered and living in decent neighborhoods and have attended good schools. I knew nothing of the poor and I actually hated myself for allowing these thoughts. In fact, I feel like crying while typing this right now. I do not have any right to blindly judge the poor and assume that my “status” as an upper middle-class citizen permits such an appalling attitude.
I realize that I know nothing of hardship. Therefore, I have decided to help by tutoring Hispanic children whose parents cannot speak English. I know nothing about the lives of the poor, but I will learn. Pre-judgment is dim-witted and pathetic. I need to interact with people of other cultures and accept points of view distinct from my own. I should not assume that the poor have become so because they do not care or because they were born dumb. I am certain that there is potential in everybody to learn and improve, and I will draw that out.
At the University of Michigan, I want to broaden my perspective even more. I live in a white upper middle-class town, which bores me to no end. Nothing special happens because everybody is just the same. I have read everywhere that UM is famous for its vastly diverse population, and I want to experience that. I want to meet students and faculty from other neighborhoods similar to Pilsen from around the country and international students from obscure nations so that I may learn.
</code></pre>
<p>I agree with the others that you did not answer the prompt.
“Comment on how your personal experiences and achievements would contribute to the diversity of the University of Michigan.”</p>
<p>When we were on tour at U of M earlier this year, the ad comm lady said make sure to answer the prompt. She said every year, many students’ essays don’t answer the prompt.</p>
<p>Thanks everyone. I wrote a new conclusion, but I’m not posting it here like I did with the rest of my essay. Any chance somebody could read it for me?</p>
<p>Haha, kidding. But in all honesty, after speaking with an admissions officer at a seminar the other day, they’re really looking for about half and half; half on your experiences, half on WHY those experiences will make the University better. So maybe ditch the whole “white guilt” spiel you’ve got going currently and donate that time to what you’ll bring!</p>
<p>I’m not actually white, I’m Egyptian. I mention my ethnicity in my new conclusion, but I don’t really think it ties in with the rest of my essay. I’ll keep revising it</p>
<p>charlieharper, as soon as you can. Preferably today or tomorrow.</p>
<p>instead of trying to cover everything broadly in 250 words, focus on and amplify a specific incident/moment. that’d make your essay come out stronger and stand out. </p>
<p>“I’ve gone for the past two years, but this year I’ve finally learned…” is redundant, IMO.</p>