DS got accepted to both his EA schools. One Ivy equivalent and a top public flagship. I’m over the top excited for him but reading through the CC threads and talking to his super stat friends who are still in deferral/rejection hell has left me feeling a little guilty. Maybe it’s the 12 years of Catholic schools coming back to haunt me. Anyone else get this feeling?
Nope, it is normal. So it is a good time to have a chat with your kid about being a little low key about his good results. Parents should be, too. We did NOT post our kid’s acceptances on Facebook, only their final decision on where to go. It is too easy to unintentionally rub it in for students who aren’t having the results they hoped for, or can’t even afford the colleges your kid is looking at. I honestly don’t worry so much about people on CC (they don’t HAVE to come looking for how everyone else is doing). Although of course it is good to try to help them if they are looking for places still taking applications late, etc. But for people you know in person, it is a good practice to not be too gleeful or shout the good news too loudly. Congrats to your kid, by the way. 
You are a kind person to feel sorry for other kids who have not had early success with admissions. But try not to feel guilty; they made different choices about how/where/when to apply, and perhaps what they think they wanted in October may not turn out to be the best path for them. You can be excited and happy and proud of your son while (good point by @intparent) being solicitous of those who didn’t (and may not) get the news they want.
Thanks @intparent. He has been brutal about rubbing it in the face of his high stat buddies. But I’m ok with that, since they are boys and have a long history of trolling each other :)) Fortunately he’s been better around family, friends, and his female friends. It has been killing me not to post something on facebook but he was actually the one who said it would be in poor taste.
Well, you probably can’t stop him from rubbing it in. But even with a long history, this is real stuff, and it hurts even if the other kids pretend it doesn’t. He still might want to tone it down…
Congrats, though I don’t think that someone attending a selective school is far more positioned for success in life than someone who attends a less selective school, so there’s nothing to feel guilty about. If you have found a fit then celebrate that.
Please tell him not to rub this in the face of anyone.
Third not rubbing his success into other people’s faces, ESPECIALLY if his friends were deferred or rejected. btw, I never understand the thing about “the boys will be boys” - that doesn’t excuse poor behavior.
As for you feeling guilty. Why? Both you and your son should feel proud and relieved to be done with the process so early.
Don’t post it on Facebook! It is in poor taste and is really hurtful to people who have disappointing results in the admissions process. Once he decides where to go, post that, but saying "Princeton, Duke and Haverford! Which one should Snowflake choose? " is kinda obnoxious.
I wish colleges release admission decisions during the summer when everyone has left high school.
^ I couldn’t possibly take 6 months of “when will admissions results be released” threads. We have enough as it is.
He’s not more positioned for success in life but he did get accepted by his “dream school”. And more importantly for him and his peer group, he can enjoy the rest of his senior year now without having to write more essays, stress about acceptances, etc…
Definitely not going to post anything on facebook. Close friends and family already know. And I will talk to him about the face rubbing. But it really is limited to a couple of close buddies. And they all have 3.9x gpas and 2300+ SAT scores so he’s only doing it now because he was the first one with an “extreme” acceptance. His buddies will do just fine once they realize life isn’t over with that deferral or rejection from MIT or Stanford.
^ They can start application process in April instead of October. No need to send Fall semester grade update.
The worst, the very worst, was one of my Brown classmates, who was humblebragging to me and another Brown classmate, pretending that he was disappointed that his son was not going to be accepting admission to Brown but was going to another excellent school where he had been recruited for his talents. This guy affected to be asking for sympathy. I silently sizzled the first time he started this schtick, but the second time he brought this subject up, again with the “I’m so sad my son isn’t going to Brown where he was accepted, but to < wonderful school>,” I tartly reminded him that he was talking to two people whose disabled sons would not be attending Brown or any other elite college, and that his faux pleas for sympathy were misplaced.
People can rejoice over their friends’ kids good fortune and success, but don’t rub it in.
It’s so much more fun when your kid’s first choice is State U, and he gets in to State U, which everybody agrees is an appropriate choice for him. You can express your happiness freely, especially to people whose kids are likely to get into more selective schools.
When your kid gets in to an elite school, you had better hide when you see your neighbors in the supermarket. It’s easier than figuring out something appropriate to say.
(My Kid #1 was the first kind, #2 was the second kind. Both made choices that turned out well, but I enjoyed #1’s acceptance more – and publicly.)
Likewise you can feel empathy for the kids who are suffering the sting of a rejection or deferral without the need to feel guilty. It sounds like your son had a good application strategy and good outcomes from it. Good for him and your entire family, celebrate it and feel empathy for his friends at the same time. They will get over it and apply RD to very good schools, get admitted and go there, but for kids so successful all of their academic lives to this point, that rejection or deferral letter is a stinging, if helpful in the long run, lesson to take.
I followed a number of my HS friends’ kids college journeys over the last few years and really enjoyed hearing about college visits and experiences that were something quite different than bragging about which schools they were looking at. Most did not post their acceptances other than their final choice, which were very celebratory and well received, plus at a time when most everyone had good news to share.
There is no reason to feel guilty. You can be joyful (and relieved) for your S and his accomplishment while still being considerate of those who did not get into their top choice schools.
Like the previous poster, we don’t post acceptances on our social media, just where they decided to go. We do discuss acceptances with other friends/family if they ask, but they only ask because they want to know. You have no reason to feel guilty, your son has amazing opportunities and you should feel proud in every sense. I would encourage him to not rub it in the face of others and have honest discussions when they come up, if he’s torn and is looking for advice from peers.
Both my kids are accepted to u of Michigan. I can happily share the news with my friends because that’s expected being Chinese. U of M is considered safety for the Chinese kids here. Nothing worth bragging. A happy but no sweat result.
^until they get deferred! So many got deferred this year!