Financial Aid Appeal letter-help?

Colleges and Universities A-Z Bryn Mawr College
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<p>Hello my lovely Bryn Mawr friends and sisters,
I, a nondescript student from a far-flung corner of the world, have finally managed to get admitted to BMC (yayyy!!!). But it seems like all good news always goes with something bad, and, well, I didn’t receive enough fin aid to attend. Nevertheless, I cannot give up on BMC at this point, not when I’m actually IN. So please, lend me your hand, give me your opinion! Does the letter sound persuasive enough? </p>

<p>Btw, I was awarded a Travel Scholarship. Does that mean they want me? </p>

<p>Dear Student Financial Services Appeal Committee,</p>

<p>I am immensely honored to be accepted by your college to be a prospective member of Bryn Mawr Class of 2016. You have given me an incredibly generous financial aid package that places the invaluable experience of being a Mawrter within my reach-almost. You have also been so kind as to offer me a Travel Scholarship, which I cannot take advantage of, since Vietnam is miles and miles away from your little palace in Philadelphia, yet is such a caring and distinctively “Bryn Mawr” gesture that I would always appreciate, even if I could not make it there.</p>

<p>It makes me feel all the more horrible to write this e-mail to a college who has gone out of its way to see me as a person, to take me for who I am, and to make my dream feasible, to ask for a revision of my already-substantial financial aid awards. My parents have made it absolutely clear to me that 10,000 dollars annually is all they can cobble together to contribute. While paying for my sister at an international university, they have now started putting money aside for my little brother’s college education too, and it would not be fair if I, as a sister and a daughter, receive the largest funding of all three. To shell out 11,890 dollars for Bryn Mawr would not seem much of difference from the 10,000 dollars stated in my ISFAA as our contribution, yet for my parents, the amount exceeds their financial capacity and threatens to undermine their familial principles. It is their limitation. I cannot go beyond it.</p>

<p>I have thus decided to write this e-mail to Bryn Mawr College, who has been very understanding and patient with me until now, to find out if there is any chance for my financial aid awards to be increased by 1,890 dollars, by which allows me to be a proud Mawrter as well as a considerate daughter. With total conviction I will say that Bryn Mawr is my top choice, that I am wholly committed to your college, as I have always been, and as I will always be. Even when my official Mawrter status has not yet been given, I have worked hard to polish my application and my Bryn Mawr essay, practiced indefatigably until I finally scored 2390 on the SAT, and even gone as far as storming out of my characteristic stoicism to compose this e-mail, to fight for a chance to be at this gorgeous campus and enjoy the nurturing and instructive circle of sisterhood. Words fail me when it comes to describing my affinity for Bryn Mawr College. This is where I belong, where I am supposed to be, and where I will be, with only a little more assistance.</p>

<p>Perhaps at this time of the year you are being deluged with a mountain of letters asking for “a bit more” help, and no matter how magnanimous Bryn Mawr is, not every wish can be granted. The financial reality is cruel, that I fully understand. But no matter what your decision is, no matter whether I can make it to the college or not, I would like to say thank you, Bryn Mawr. Thank you for admitting me. Thank you for the sweet handwritten note you have put in my acceptance package. It has been a memorable and beautiful experience for this young lady, and I promise that wherever I am going to be next year, I will always be a Mawrter at heart, passionately devoted to academics and social services.</p>

<p>A hopeful Mawrter,</p>

<p>August23vn</p>

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<p>30 views and no reply? Where are my caring Bryn Mawr sisters?</p>

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<p>You could easily argue based on this that you would be able to contribute the additional money by working during the summer or some other means. In this letter, it makes it seem like your parents are 100 percent responsible for funding your education, which they are not. </p>

<p>Besides that, well written. Just thought I would give my two cents.</p>

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<p>I have the same problem as well. They want me to pay $33,000, and I simply just can’t afford it. BM is one of my top choices, but I think the chances of them giving me another $10,000 is highly unlikely. What do you think?</p>

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<p>I think it’s hard for the rest of us to say how likely it is. Bryn Mawr had the best financial aid of the Private schools my daughter applied to. I don’t know whether they would improve it because of a letter. I would try to back it up with facts.</p>

<p>Good luck!</p>

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<p>The thing is, a friend of mine who has been admitted ED sent an appeal letter and did not even back it up with facts or anything. She just threatened to bail out of the agreement and they immediately gave her the extra 1,500$ she asked for the day after. I think I have little to lose here, so I’ll give it a shot.</p>

<p>@musicsweetie: I’m sorry to hear that. Don’t you think they miscalculate or something? Why don’t you call the office and inquire how they work out your EFC and awards,then consult your parents to see what’s missing in the picture?</p>

<p>@thirrdplanet: Thank you for pointing that out! :)</p>

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<p>Make it shorter. After reading hundreds of applications/looking at so much financial info, I can’t imagine anyone at Bryn Mawr wants to read a letter this long that’s essentially just asking for money (I know you have a legitimate reason to, but that’s what it boils down to).</p>

<p>Also… try not to use such flowery (little “palace”, “thus decided”, etc) language. Keep it more professional. I like the paragraph where you said you would be committed to Bryn Mawr whatever the decision, but I’d cut your thank you down to a couple of sentences, not a paragraph. Also… I would change “shell out” to “spend.” Shell out is too slang-ish for a letter like this.</p>

<p>I think it’s a good letter and I hope they do give you the money you need, especially since it’s really not very much. Good luck!</p>

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<p>Do try. My family contribution was cut from $12,000 to $6,000 after an appeal. (Though they did not just give me more money, no questions asked. We went through my financial aid application and found a couple of places where I had interpreted the question differently from how they interpreted it.) </p>

<p>That being said, I wanted to second thirrdplanet that Bryn Mawr expects a contribution from summer earnings ($2,400 in the first year, more afterwards) in addition to the contributions from your parents.</p>

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<p>sister august23vn, i accidentally read both your common app essay and bryn mawr supp essay some weeks ago, and i was very much impressed. i’m not surprised at all knowing you got in bmc. you sooo deserve it. </p>

<p>your essays really inspire me to apply to bmc ed, and i will truly appreciate if you inbox me your email, so that i can contact and ask you about bmc application experience.</p>

<p>wish you all the best with the fin aid sis! :d</p>