<p>My father died last year and so my mom received half a million in life insurance. We had a finaid package at Penn such that our family only had to pay like 8k a year (this was after the insurance money was taken into account as well as the family’s situation) with about 2k in Stafford Loans on my end. A financial aid officer said this was a huge “steal” considering my father’s assets and income – we should have actually paid a lot more but he was able to argue a better package for us. </p>
<p>I worked over the summer of 2005 in order to get money, and I now work 15-20 hours a week in work study. My mom refuses to pay because she feels it is too much despite the fact that it’s quite the deal, but it is an amount I cannot afford on my own even when working and going to school (I simply don’t have the time to earn 8k through work study — it isn’t even allowed, I was granted like 3k in work study and this is outside of the 8k + 2k loans we needed to pay. My family had assets (boat, big house, etc) which hurt these numbers.</p>
<p>Regardless I know our ability to pay is much higher. On taxes my mother lied about her business to make it look like a loss despite the fact that she gained. My father had been earning 100k a year income. She had been using social security checks addressed to my brother and me for herself (I received about 6 checks of 1500 each and my brother still receives checks which mom uses). She’s constantly getting drunk with her friend who has now moved in and she is lying about her wherabouts and actions continuously. She doesn’t work. I feel as if she has abandoned many aspects of being a parent. Is it illogical of me to ask that she put more money towards my education considering that she did little else for me throughout high school? I studied for everything myself, did everything myself, paid for many school fees myself, even after my father’s death. During this stressful period my mom was telling me to figure things out why she went out partying with her friend, using her companion as an “excuse to get away from the pain,” despite the fact that the whole family was in “pain.” She went to Vegas a few times as well as Mexico – she will go on these trips but somehow claim she doesn’t have the money to help my education.</p>
<p>Instead she wants me to take out extra loans (unsubsidized CitiAssist loans I believe) to pay for the family contribution. Work study money is technically “spending money” and not intended to be put towards tuition, according to a few financial aid officers I spoke to. My mother is constantly railing on me for not taking out these loans or paying the bills on PennInTouch, but I simply cannot pay these amounts and she makes it difficult to cosign on loans that, even if I agreed to, would add a considerable amount of debt being that they are unsubsidized. She uses the argument that “Everyone takes out these loans” when I know it is not true – many students pay loans such as the Stafford and rarely take on additional personal debt – am I correct or incorrect on this point?</p>
<p>Regardless I am just upset that my mom has never taken my education seriously. She acts as if all the money Dad earned over the years is somehow her own money even though she never earned it (Mom’s income was only in effect for two years and it was about a fifth of Dad’s), giving me these lectures about being lazy when it is far from the truth – I dealt with a <strong>considerable</strong> amount of stress and work while she went off with her friend drinking. She won’t stop this continuing pattern of illogical behavior and she won’t agree to stop drinking or seek additional help, but in the meantime she is going to bury me in debt that I cannot afford to take on. </p>
<p>I don’t know if I am in the wrong or what. I just needed outside opinions so I know what to do. Please tell me what you think and how I should assess this situation.</p>
<p>Side note: Where should I look for places to work over this coming summer? There is no way in hell I am coming back home to all this.</p>
<p>wow. Reading that just made me upset. Now let me be honest and I hope this offends you in no way because I've read a lot of your posts and found them very helpful. If I were you, I'd try to just sit down and talk with your mom. From the way you described it, I doubt this can happen. Another option you have is to threaten your mom that you'll report her to the IRS for tax evasion. Also, I don't know how legal it is for her to be cashing social security checks that are for you and your brother. You could get a lawyer and sue her. Another option you have is to become independant and get your own address/healthcare and your EFC would become basically 0. Maybe try going to the financial aid department and explaining your situation and see if anyone will send your mom a direct invoice in her name that could get her to pay it. Sounds like you might need some legal advice in this, but I'm not sure. And in the end, if it matters that much to you to get the Penn education, just do it and take out the loans. I would then suggest you major in econ at the college or continue if you are in Wharton and whore yourself out to the highest bidding ibank come graduation. Be prepared to enter a life full of grind and trying to make ends meet.</p>
<p>I think it all comes down to how close you are with your mom. If you want to get the money, it sounds like you'd have to go to extreme measures to get it from your mom; i.e blackmailing her for the IRS evasion, stealing money from her, or threatening her into paying in some way.</p>
<p>In conclusion, I have given you my thoughts here, and I hope they've helped you in any way. I know I mentioned some extreme/highly controversial things, but like I said, I'm being honest and giving you everything I see up front.</p>
<p>Reading all of this, I have to say that you should seriously consider taking your mother to court in order to gain control of funds that should be going towards your education. In between the tax evasion and her trips, it sounds like there's some pretty hard evidence that she is not fit to spend money that should be going towards your schooling. Maybe you could live with a friend or relative? You're old enough that you don't need to be emancipated.</p>
<p>legend, you should try to talk to a tax lawyer or accountant who is familiar with FAFSA, but I am almost positive that if you go independant you will be helped a lot. Point is, you have to be proactive in what you do and take action. As I said before and jpps said, you might have to take your mom to court. It sucks, I know, but it sounds like you are in a corner here.</p>
<p>also, i would suggest you post on the parents forum. They should give a lot of advice/help from experience and the people there are really supportive.</p>
<p>I would not recommend you take any action that will sever you from your mom. You have lost one parent, do not lose the other. It does sound like she is being unfair and perhaps she is acting out because she is still grieving. Sometimes people get wrapped up in their own grief they are incapable of considering the effect they have on others. I would recommend you seek advice from a counselor or adviser at Penn, and then ask that your mom join you for a meeting with this third party. </p>
<p>Also, try to remember many of your mom's generation shouldered the entire burden of their education. Personally, my husband and I struggled, both of us paying our own way with loans, grants, multiple jobs. It was so difficult, we would never wish that on our own children and will do everything we can to enable our children to leave college debt-free. But some parents still consider it an important life lesson to shoulder some of this responsibility. Perhaps your mom needs to be reminded how difficult it can be when a young person is trying to make their start in this life, without the burden of debt; and that by working so many hours, you are assuming responsibility for yourself. Again, I think a third party is important to this process. You and your mom seem to have moved past the point where you are responding well to each other.</p>
<p>I wish you the best. Above all, regardless of how things work out, don't lose your mom.</p>
<p>I disagree totally with ldmom. You are over 18 right? So you are independent. Take your mom to court. While the lawyers haggle over
this, take out a loan and finish your studies. After you graduate and find a good job, your mom will need you more than you need her. She'll have plenty of time and reasons to come to you as she gets older and wiser ...
assuming that the new man in her life doesn't totally mess her up.</p>
<p>Realistically, setting aside the need to maintain a good relationship with family, the financial cost to sue your mom may far outweigh the $8000 or so per year you seek from her. The only winners will be the attorneys who, if they don't kill ya with the hourly per diem, may seek a contingency fee, or a hunk of that $500k insurance settlement. Even if you win, you lose in the long run, because your mom's ability to support herself and your sibling will be dramatically impaired. </p>
<p>If you are entitled to survivor benefits of some sort and you are over 18, the checks should be coming directly to you anyway....I'm referring to the $1500 checks you mentioned. No need to sue her over that...just get the address changed so the checks come directly to you. (And btw, you cannot emancipate for college financial aid purposes until 24 or 25...I forget which.)</p>
<p>Also, $500k is not much for a life insurance policy. Given your dad's earning power of $100k per year, that buys your mom maybe 5 - 7 years until she is faced with a big decrease in income. She really should get a financial planner to advise her how to keep that 500k intact and earning for her. My advice to her would be to spend nothing of it and invest it instead. She should try to qualify you for low or no interest student loans, cosign with you and make a deal to help you pay them back after graduation. But if you allow your relationship to continue to deteriorate, even this will not be a possibility.</p>
<p>I know it's hard when the plates break at such an early age....I went through it myself. But you can do this, even if you end up with 30-40k in low/no interest loans upon graduation. Try to look at this way, that's not even a luxury car note.</p>