<p>^ agreed … and especially if that arbitrary cap is below the cost of their in-state state schools (minus the expected student contribution) … if parents can but won’t pay at the level of state schools then their kids are in a very tough spot trying figure out a plan to fund college (since they will … 1) not get aid … 2) shouldn’t take out a ton of loans … 3) can’t earn enough in year to pay for a year of school)</p>
<p>In another thread I mentioned the big spreadsheet I created covering my asset position and cash flow throughout my life. One of the things that jumped out was that the college years were the tightest cash flow point during our lives (this is one of the reasons we paid off our mortgage timed to match the time our oldest entered college) … the other thing that jumped out was we would be just fine when we hit retirement (when we were receiving social security payments and IRA/401k distributions) … it’s actually the 15 years from our first hitting college until we hit the first retirement payment that is the most challenging. Why did I mention all this … I’d guess a lot of the upper middle class families not paying for college and while also following the advice of continuing to fully fund their retirement accounts first until their retitrement is covered will end up a similar situation … when they start receiving social security and IRA/401 distirubtions they will be more than fine … and a post mortem would show they could have paid more for college than they did. My spreadsheet tracked 8-9 major financial goals … the trick was realizing that prioritizing them and finishing them in order was NOT the best approach … the trick was also including the timing of each need … then all our goals could be met with much less money … and the biggest example was retirement … while I agree retirement should not be screwed to pay for college for our kids we do not need our retirement money until we’re 65 or so while our kids start college when we’re 50 … so we absolutely defered some retirement savings until we had our kids college covered … and that was fine since at 65 we would still have retirement covered.</p>
<p>My son is just 14 so the only big bills he’s generated so far are from the orthodontist. But I always assumed that the PLUS bills went to the parents. I checked with my financial aid guru Ann Playe, and she confirmed. YOU will get those bills when the time comes. (The kids, however, get bills for their student federal loans.)</p>
<p>This happened to me as well. However, my dad outright lied to me about his income (well, he only told me about his base income, which I used when calculating the cost of college, and not the insane amount of bonuses he received. Somehow, bonuses “don’t count”), and lied about it on the CSS profile and scholarship applications. So by the time April rolled around and I had decided where I wanted to go, I saw that his W2 listed his income (with bonuses) for 2010 as more than twice what he told me. Which ended up being the difference between receiving $20k in aid and $0 in aid.</p>
<p>When I graduated HS in 1976, I never heard of ANY parent paying, or expecting to pay, for college.I don’t know what I thought happened, but it wasn’t that! Of course, I also didn’t know a lot of people going to college…Has this been going on all along in some communities, or when did it start?</p>
<p>In 1976-1977, tuition, room and board, and fees at Yale was about $7500. That’s not peanuts, even then, but people could pay it, and did. Costs at state schools were a lot less (instate at U.Va. was about $1500)–so much less that people could still “work their way through college” without losing a lot of time.</p>
<p>I felt a lot like you in high school. My parents would not pay for me to go to schools ranked about 25-10 in USNWR (Northwestern, Cornell, Johns Hopkins, etc) after they saw the $50k price tag. My family was upper-middle-class, so I thought they were arbitrarily depriving me of something I deserved. I just saw my EFC and thought, well I earned my way to Northwestern so it’s up to my parents to cut back a little and pay for it. For kids growing up like me, it’s easy to see those fin aid statements as funny money or just numbers. When I saw some of my classmates going to similar schools, and after working hard in high school, I got really worked up about going to a top 20 school. I ended up choosing state U for free because I didn’t want to take on private loans (with their high interest).</p>
<p>With time, I came understand why my parents advised me to go on a full scholarship to state U instead of going to an expensive private school. My parents were pretty frank to me about their opinions. They thought going to NW was not worth the money (nor any of the other private schools I got in) and told me they were not going to waste their hard-earned income just to get a “brand name” (their words) education. Both of my parents are immigrants who went to medical school abroad and are doctors in the USA. They pointed out that they are equal to American doctors even though they went to school in places no one here knows about. They really believed it was what you took out of your education that counted, not the renown of the school.</p>
<p>In the end, I just would like to encourage the student who asked the question not to give up hope or think this is the end of the world. You won’t be able to afford everything you want, and you may feel short-changed by it. Luckily, there are still opportunities at cheaper schools. You noted you were pre-med. Med school is very expensive, so it might be good choice not to accumulate college debt. Anyways, remember that one college or another isn’t what makes you a happy fulfilled person. Most people would say their children, husband, wife, family, friends, etc are way more important that their alma mater for their personal fulfillment.</p>
<p>In general, I wouldn’t recommend making risky financial decisions because your parents won’t pay for college, no matter how unfair it might seem right now. Loans MUST be repaid, and you can’t bankrupt on college loans (look it up). You can’t make someone co-sign a loan. Even so, remember that co-sign means FULL responsibility for the ENTIRE loan, not a “back up” in case you default. Lenders don’t need any due process before going after the cosigner. Also, I don’t recommend joining the military just for the college money or marrying just to be FAFSA-independent.</p>
<p>As a parent, I don’t understand why some can but don’t want to pay for their kid’s college. Unless it’s not worth the money. From birth to leaving for college, parents have spent endless hours and effort, and lots of money on a child. Not that they don’t care.</p>
<p>If a kid worked as hard as she could in HS, applied to and got accepted at some of the cheapest colleges, parents should and would pay for it. However, if the kid didn’t do his level best in HS and wanted to go to the most expensive schools, why would parents go along? Both parents and student should understand this long ago, long before HS.</p>
<p>D2 (high school sophomore) has a female friend whose parents have let her know that they will not be helping out with college expenses. They make plenty of money to cover a considerable amount (right now they pay her private high school tuition of $20,000+ with no sweat), but they paid their own way and think it would be “good for her” to pay for her own. Of course, they are 50 years old now, and things have changed a lot in terms of the cost of college in the past 30 years! I don’t think they really realized that. So their D hatched a plan to prepare herself to get into one of the service academies. When she mentioned this to her mom, her mom blew a gasket (no flames at me, I actually think this was a very reasonable plan for her given those constraints from her parents!). Not sure if her parents have changed their tune on paying at least some, but I suspect they will. </p>
<p>D2 and I were considering asking this friend to join us on a vacation we are taking this summer, but one day of that will be spent on an LAC college tour… I hate to do that, though, if it is not an option for this kid. No decision made yet on the vacation invitation, we are still considering whether to extend it.</p>
<p>You are absolutely mistaken. My family is well within this bracket and up until 3 years ago, above this bracket, and I just received BOTH a hefty academic scholarship and University need-based grant</p>
<p>I just wanted to comment that there are two kinds of “parents won’t pay for college”. The first kind, which the “ask the dean” article answers well, are parents who actually refuse to help at all with their children’s college. The more common kind, which I was trying to answer, is when parents don’t want to pay for a more expensive college their son or daughter wants to go to but are willing to pay for a cheaper college. I find the second to be a lot more common than the first.</p>
<p>You are right, 311710rvmt, the second situation seems to be more common. I don’t think it’s unreasonable for parents to define the amount they can contribute, even if it makes more expensive schools unaffordable for the student. Parents have multiple obligations, including their own financial health, college expenses for siblings, etc. </p>
<p>I’m not a fan, though, of parents using financial leverage to pick the school, e.g., “We’ll pay $20K toward College A, but nothing for C or D.” Ultimately, the student is going to be the one living with final choice.</p>
<p>What if you don’t want your parents to pay? I have a terrible relationship with my dad and just don’t want to be ‘under his thumb’ any longer, to be honest. But I feel like there’s nothing I can do if I want to go to college at all…</p>
<p>Silber–Students like you are often stuck between the proverbial rock and hard place. If you don’t want to accept money from your father, you will probably end up having to attend a college that offers you a lot of merit aid, which could mean enrolling at a place where the typical freshman has grades and test scores well below your own. (And even if you’re totally fine with that approach, landing sufficient merit money may still be a big long shot.)</p>
<p>You can also try to work your way through college, taking out loans to fill the gap, but that will probably be an uphill battle, and you may not get the loans you need without finding an adult co-signer besides your dad, if you don’t want him involved. </p>
<p>Some students do get “Emancipated” status and are thus eligible for financial aid based on their own income and assets, not their parents’. But it is VERY hard to get emancipation unless you are married, have a child, are a ward of the court, or are a military veteran.</p>
<p>Alternatively, tell your father that you will pay as much for college as you can afford on your own and then take the rest from him in the form of a loan. Even though you may still be “under his thumb” until you repay the loan, this route may make you feel less beholden to him.</p>
My parent told me before that if I wanted to attend college, I have to pay everything on my own and I won’t see a dime from them for my college education. I am 21 years old and currently attending a 20K State school with all expenses being paid out of my own pocket (Not qualified for FAFSA). I’ve been using bicycle and bus as my main transportation. Worked an overnight/graveyard shift before for about 1 year and 6 months. It’s definitely is VERY tiring and I envy students who are receiving some or little help from their family. A little financial help from the family will be helpful & appreciated, but NOPE! It also sucks how parents get to claim me as “independent” and get all the tax money and I won’t see a dime of it for my educational expenses.
I’m a good student in my opinion. I had 3.8 GPA in high school and now I have 3.55 GPA in college. It sucks not having any help.
@ACCTGBro -Have you spoken to the financial aid office at your university about merit scholarships? Merit aid is not based on a FAFSA. While the best merit aid is typically awarded to freshmen (and, commonly, by private colleges & universities), it’s possible that you may qualify for some merit money at your public college that you don’t know about. Some schools, for instance, have merit awards that are specific to a student’s major and are ONLY given to upperclassmen.
Also, have you tried doing a scholarship search on free Web sites like www.fastweb.com? When you fill out the FastWeb questionnaire, you will get a Results list that includes scholarships for which you should be eligible. While the lion’s share of FastWeb scholarships are aimed at freshmen, there ought to be some that are for ALL undergrads.
Finally, does your home community have a Dollars for Scholars chapter? (Look online.) Dollars for Scholars money is usually easy to get and it’s not just for freshmen. The amounts aren’t huge and won’t let you quit your job, but if you were to land a $500 scholarship, that should cover books or other important expenses.
Similar situation for me. My parents make >140k but are able to pay 10k tops because they have to pay for my younger siblings, their retirement, etc. Our private school EFCs are all 30k+ except for HYPS and a couple others. So unless I want 50k+ in debt by graduation, I have to get into a major reach school or attend our public in-state flagship. Not an awful choice, but it was tough to come to terms with (especially after falling in love with a bunch of LAC’s).
When I ask them about it, they say “our goal is to raise smart kids who get enough scholarships to pay for college on their own” but it’s a lot more complicated than that.
But I always assumed that the PLUS bills went to the parents. I checked with my financial aid guru Ann Playe, and she confirmed. YOU will get those bills when the time comes. (The kids, however, get bills for their student federal loans.)</p>