First of all thank you if you choose to leave advice about delicate situation.
I will be applying to schools for Fall of 2017. My gpa will be around 3.6-3.7 don’t know test scores but not expecting them to be very competitive. I plan to be a math major. I’m in an early college program and though I’m a freshman applicant I’ll have about two years of college under me.
I’ve been looking at schools basically everywhere but I have not got a clear answer to what will be affordable. There is a 100 k 529 in my name somewhere that will help and then its up to my parents. My parents are divorce both retired. Mom retired early due to medical related issues but does not receive disability. Dad was higher income but is not big on shelling out money on anything. They will pay half and half and both of them will be pulling out of their savings.
Realistically there are a lot of schools I could go to. They won’t be Yale or Stanford level but still from Liberal arts to STEM schools to look at theres a lot. The problem is that OOS tuition is a lot, most private schools are expensive, and I don’t expect huge merit aid with my stats.
Mom wants me to just apply everywhere and see where I can get in. She keeps pointing out schools that she knows gives good aid but has no idea how selective they are. I tell her that its very slim for me to get into Carnegie Mellon. She says apply anyways. Well that could be tons of extra money in application and so much time that I don’t necessarily have to spend. She says they look at the whole picture. I know that highly selective schools aren’t going to accept me based on my personality and I don’t have any competitive stats.
What I’m most afraid of is seeing a school that I have a good shot of getting into but than finding its not affordable. Realistically most schools I won’t get huge merit and we don’t qualify for need based aid.
I need to talk to mom (and dad) what can we afford. But they get really stressed about it. I understand I’m stressed about how much college costs too. But I don’t want to apply to a huge load of OOS schools and have my parents tell me its unaffordable. I also don’t want them to try to swing the cost when its unrealistic and make it so they can’t afford to be retired.
It’s hard because they love me and they think I’m the best. The think that colleges will think that I’m the best and will give me so much money for just being awesome. I don’t think that’s realistic. I would gladly be wrong though.
If you have 2 years’ worth of college credits already, then you will probably be a transfer student rather than a freshman applicant. Many merit scholarships are for freshman applicants only.
Each school has a Net Price Calculator on its website. Plug in your numbers to get a rough idea of what kind of aid you might get. Having your parents run the NPC together w u may be a wake up call for them to take the financial conversation setiously.
No as long as I don’t take one college credit after my high school diploma than I’m a freshman applicant. At least at every school I’ve talked to. Theres more detail in one of my other threads.
The problem with the Net Price Calculator is I would have to know my parents financial information. I don’t know anything about it. We don’t talk about money in the household or family. It’s considered improper or something.
You could ask each parent to run the net price calculator with their own info (income, assets, etc). Take the final number each gives you and add it together. It gives a VERY rough estimate of what you would have to pay at a given school (we found that the aid was slightly better at some schools than that process showed, but about right for others). Note that if either owns a small business or has rental property, that could mean it would show more aid than you would get.
Regarding pressure from your mom to apply, print out the Common Data Set (Google it) for schools under discussion. Show her the test score ranges for admitted students. Remind her that students with scores under the 50th percentile (so halfway mark of the 25-75 range) are often hooked – URM, athlete, first generation, etc. And even if your scores look good, if they have a low acceptance rate (overall or for a give program), it could still be a reach.
There is a section in the Common Data Set about non-need based aid, too. Assume you probably wouldn’t be getting any of that unless your stats are in the percentile of the class that gets it (10% of students have aid? Best to have stats in the top 10%, and even thenyoumsy not get any). Also, often merit aid just reduced the need based aid by the same amount. A few schools might replace loans, or student contribution, but mostly merit only helps if it is for more than the need based amount you qualify for.
Well, printing the Common Data Set puts something on paper. Highlight the info you want to discuss. Leave it for her to review if she starts yelling.
If she never gets rational about it, you need to be sure you have a solid safety or two that you can afford and be happy to attend. Do you know which parent has the 529? Ask them for the exact balance. Assume you have 25% of that per year, plus your federal loan amounts ($5,500 freshman year). Look at your in-state public schools. What state are you in? Where does your non-custodial parent live?
Many high school students graduate from high school with AA degrees or college credits that they earned while in HS. They are still freshmen applicants for aid and merit sake. They are considered to be freshman applicants who will have soph or junior standing. In the state of Washington, this is very common with their Running Start program.
As long as the credits were earned while in high school, they aren’t transfer students.
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My gpa will be around 3.6-3.7 don’t know test scores but not expecting them to be very competitive. I plan to be a math major. I’m in an early college program and though I’m a freshman applicant I’ll have about two years of college under me.
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What math classes have you taken and what grades have you gotten? The GPA along with the expectation that test scores won’t be great is a red flag as a math major. Do you mean a Pure Math or Applied Math major? Or do you mean a major where you’ll be preparing to be a high school math teacher?
I will have gone through the entire calculus sequence. I have A’s in all my classes except for freshman year. Thats why my gpa is not great.
I’m waiting for the May SAT scores. I did take the ACT and got a 30 but a really bad writing score so I for schools that don’t require all scores to be sent I won’t be sending that.
I don’t plan to teach. I think I want to do more Applied Math than theoretical math. Hoping to go into the STEM industry rather than academia.
Given your parents’ unwillingness to talk about money, you should make the assumption that they will contribute $0, beyond perhaps the 529 account (make sure that there actually is $100,000 in it and that they will spend it for your college costs – but also be aware that if you are unlucky in that it has investment losses this coming year, it could have less in it).
Based on this assumption, build a merit-seeking application list, aiming for full tuition or better scholarships (which should leave a residual cost of under $20,000 per year).
Also, add your in-state public universities to your application list. You may have to add a federal direct loan and/or some work earnings to the 529 money, though.
Parental unwillingness to talk about money probably means that they do not have any to spare (and if they are divorced, they probably spent it on lawyers and have higher living costs of living separately compared to sharing a household as a married couple).
My parents expect to pay for my college tuition. They paid for my brothers (all 8 years of undergrad). And when they got divorced it was put in that Dad must pay 50% of the college of my choosing. It has all been written up.
Its great that you guys are accessing my options. But just advice on how to talk to my parents would be helpful.
But do they actually have the money to pay for the implied promises? It is possible that the costs of your brothers’ colleges and the divorce may have left them with little left to pay for your college (or not enough to pay for what colleges now can cost – around $70,000 per year for the most expensive ones).
Every April, there are stories of letdown and heartbreak because parents made express or implied promises to their kids about college funding, only to tell them in April of senior year that they cannot or will not be able to keep their promises.
I would create a powerpoint like presentation for your parents. One page on what you are looking for in a college - size, location, major, Greek life, cost, co-ed/all girls (not sure if you are he/she), class size, prestige…(anything that’s important to you). One page listing all of your stats, GPA, class standing, test scores, ECs, essays (will they be very good), recommendation letters (average or great). One page on all the schools you are interested in with their admission information and costs. If your school has Naviance, you can show where you stand relative to other students in your school for each of those colleges you are interested in. At the end of it (assuming you get there), ask your parents to do their own NetPrice calculator for each of those schools and let you know how much they would be willing to contribute. You could have a page on “Action Items” for you and for your parents.
If your mother should start screaming, you can then leave the packet with her to look over when she is calmer. You can do the same for your father. I know for myself, when I am presented with an idea that’s foreign to me or not to my liking, my initial reaction is “No.” My older daughter was always very good at presenting a very thought out idea to me. She would give me sometime to digest it, after I have cooled down a bit, she would come back to ask me for my opinion again. What’s important is not to lose your cool by whining, crying or yelling. When you act like an adult, it is more likely your parents will treat you like an adult.
FYI - many colleges will forgive freshman grades, especially if there is an upward trend.
Perhaps you can go to each of them, show them the list price of the most expensive college that you are considering and ask each of them if they can comfortably afford to pay their share of the cost (based on the divorce decree) without endangering their retirement savings. If the answer sounds unsure in any way, take that as a sign that the parent in question does not really have the money.
@ucbalumnus “Every April, there are stories of letdown and heartbreak because parents made express or implied promises to their kids about college funding, only to tell them in April of senior year that they cannot or will not be able to keep their promises.”
In some states (and it sounds like the OP may live in one) a divorce decree can require parents to pay for college costs unless they truly can show a change of circumstances from when the decree was entered ( which took into account what was paid prior and the fact of divorce). This means if it was written in the decree a parent can’t just say “no I won’t pay.” The court will enforce the “promise” ( it’s really a court ordered requirement) by garnishing wages etc.
OP states her parents are retired and one parent does not receive disability.
Even if the 529 plan has 100k while will be spent down over the course of 4 years, that does not mean that each parent, with a limited income can afford to pay 22k each a year for the college of OP’s choosing. If this is the hill that she is looking to die on, it will be a painful death where she will have a bunch of unaffordable options and no place to attend next fall.
What is your home state? You will have to take a bottoms up approach and make sure that you have some financial safeties.
In addition once you get your SAT scores, you can use your ACT scores as a jumping off point to see where you are eligible for guaranteed merit.
How many schools have you visited? Do you want to stay in a particular region, and what does your mom want?
I do think the more information you can have organized - pros/cons of various schools.
Parents may or may not have a lot of insight.
Does your mom have a good friend or relative that has insight into what is good for you and what would be a good college match? Is school guidance counselor any help?
Are you afraid your mom is setting the college bar too high - and that you will get a lot of college rejections?
Sounds like you are concerned more about your mom. Do you talk to your dad? Do your mom and dad talk to each other?
Sometimes parents have insight into what would be a good fit for their S/D. Sometimes not. We had a situation where one of DD’s best friends and her parents thought one school/major was going to be great, but after early summer orientation and class sign up, realized wrong school and wrong major. Was able to save the scholarship from the other school and lined up dorm, orientation, etc - happy as a clam and I won a gold star for timely information to them and their action with the right college administrator.
You do want to apply to enough schools - be sure to have at least three safeties. You want choice.
Is your goal to get out of school debt free? Is that your mother’s goal? It sounds like you have the impression that with dad paying 50% of college costs but you are not sure if mom will indeed be able to pay the other 50% after 529 is exhausted?
Try to open up in small bits of information - find out stuff/research various schools. Research some of the schools your mom is suggesting and also compare with other schools on key points that are important for you.
You may discover things about yourself as time goes on. Hopefully the outcome will be the right fit and happy/excited for the school match by all.