First Post- Please mark my essay

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>This is my first SAT essay ever written, please grade it out of 6.
It is ok to be harsh, I know I need to improve my writting skills a lot because I'm not a native English speaker.</p>

<p>SAT essay practice1
Prompt 1
Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below.
In order to be the most productive and successful people that we are capable of being, we must be willing to ignore the opinions of others. It is only when we are completely indifferent to others' opinions of us—when we are not concerned about how others think of us—that we can achieve our most important goals.
Assignment:
Are people more likely to be productive and successful when they ignore the opinions of others? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.
Context:
People are not likely to success when they ignore the opinion of others. When I did group projects at school, I always did with only my idea without listening to my group mates and the result often turns out to be bad. I didn’t success along with many other people who ignore opinions of others did because we ignore the fact that one person’s power is weak and human like us always have to work together for good.
People don’t success because they make decisions on their own without listening to others who are more knowledgeable and intelligent than him, thus making mistakes that could have been noticed easily if someone else are there to give their help. During the late 19th century, Qing emperors like qianqing ignore his ministers’ suggestions to modernize China and so doomed their dynasty and the whole China.
Ignoring other’s idea is not leading to successful result is also because it relinquishes cooperation. According to Darwin’s revolution theory, the population with the most favourable characteristics will survive. We human being survivied as societies proves that cooperation between each other is the way to survive and success. Going opposite this natural principal would definitely result in failure.
Another example proving that not accepting other’s opinion would leads to failure is the contrast between democracy and tyranny. In a democratic society, others opinions are listened to make the society as a whole better; on the opposite side, tyranny is pretty much having all the decisions made by one or few people. A modern comparison would be the United States and North Korea. It is evident that the US is more successful than North Korea as people have a way to contribute their opinions which would be listened.
Historical and current examples, as well as scientific interpretation have shown the result of people listening others’ opinion and they are generally successful, therefore people are likely to successful if they do so.</p>

2

<p>Its not “not likely to success”. Its “not likely to succeed”. I saw that happening more than once in there…so yeah.</p>

3

<p>thanks for your reply, I know I am not good at this so I’ll keep writing to improve it</p>

4

<p>your essay is not focused. your supporting paragraphs diverge into broad saying rather than concrete examples (you only mention about the examples, but do not give details, nor do you explain how these example link to your main idea). </p>

<p>For now, do not try to use advanced vocab, since they are in sharp contrast to your immature sentences and wording. </p>

<p>If you use Chinese historical events, tell a full story (i don’t mean a long story). “qianqing”? Ci Xi and Kang You Wei? As a Chinese, I don’t even know what you are talking about.</p>

<p>work on your structure first is my sugesstion.</p>

5

<p>Being that you are a native speaker, the mistakes you are making are not too awful.

  • First and foremost, unless the prompt is asking “what is YOUR opinion” do not use “I”. The prompt is asking if PEOPLE are more likely to be productive and successful. Write the essay with courage- do not use “I think”, “In my opinion” etc.
    *Do not use conjunctives such as “can’t” or “don’t” instead us “cannot” or “do not”
    *Start each paragraph with a topic sentence; a statement. </p>

<p>The essay portion on the SAT is difficult even for fluent writers. I highly suggest getting an English tutor who can just teach you the basics.</p>

6

<p>thanks for your comment,it’s really hard to write a essay in 25minutes, I’ll keep posting my essay, hopefully on a daily basis. Please see if I have any improvement</p>