Thanks Dustyfeathers for the help! I just started down the path of looking at expected contributions using the net price calculators for a few schools. Neat tool, even while the results are kind of depressing in terms of what they expect us to contribute.
Our family has some more info gathering, soul searching, and dialoguing to do from what these calculators tell us. I used net price calculators for an Ivy, a small LAC, an OOS flagship, and our in-state flagship, and the in-state is about half of the others in terms of what they expect from us (the Ivy and OOS flagship expect about the same, the small LAC somewhat less but still substantially more than in-state would cost). Our D really wants to leave the nest and go OOS, which I know is a dilemma shared by many, many parents and families in terms of costs.
We also have a rising 8th grade boy, so doubly troubling is what meeting the expected contributions for OOS schools for our D would do to our savings and thus our ability to provide as much financial support for our son when his time comes.
Very much appreciate the help and distilling of the key questions, and the net price calculators really are a fantastic tool. Lots to think about. Thanks.