I am pretty anxious at social life in college, which I would attend in this following september; I am pretty a slower starter, who tends to make friends after long time. That’s probably because I am waiting for someone who would like to talk and friend with me. However, I have heard in college people made their own cliques less than three weeks. This frightens me in someway.
I was advised to be friendly, but don’t know how to be that way. I can smile all the time, and still, that doesn’t work on me that much. I am pretty introverted. There was one time in high school when I tried to change myself; I laughed a lot more than before, texted with friends more than before, and did those stuffs which friendly people usually do more than before, but my friends reacted in the way that “what is wrong with me?” So yeah, I am lost now.
Freshman year is the time to start over again. Depending on where you go, the majority of people will have no idea who you are or what your past was. During the first week of college, there are many events for freshman to meet and hang out, ie socials, orientation events, rallies, etc. Put yourself out there and really make the effort. Also, if you live on campus, it’s hard to not be friends with someone that lives near you.
Remember that the people you meet/hang out with during the first few weeks of college, may not be your ultimate friends. It does take a while to get acclimated. But if you are living in a dorm, your hall mates are a good place to start. Leave your door open sometimes, hang out in the social spaces, say hi to people in the bathroom, make a plan to meet for dinner with some kids on your hall That’s a good way to start
Not sure where you’re going, but you will most likely have many opportunities to meet people, but don’t feel pressured, just participate. Especially during move-in and your first few weeks, be ready to help those that need help and be open to ask others when you need help (everyone likes to help others). Agree with keeping door open.
You sound like my son, and he’s having a great time (will be sophomore in fall). He gave it time, participated, and helped others every chance he could (he is very computer literate, and many needed his help with laptops, networking, etc).
The best thing to do is get involved as soon as possible. Many colleges have an involvement fair the first few days of classes, so be sure to take advantage of that.
I am a transfer student, and last year was my first year at my new university. It was hard at first, but I was able to form solid friendships by being involved in different clubs. You have to be very proactive when making friends, so don’t sit in your dorm room all the time. Go out and have fun!
One of my biggest fears as a transfer was that everyone my age was going to have formed their own cliques, but that wasn’t the case. I was able to join a solid group of friends.
I agree that the best thing you can do is get involved as soon as possible. I am exactly like you (like to wait for people to come to me, introverted, etc.) but college can change that. The thing you have to keep in mind is that every first year student feels the same way as you do. No one knows anyone, so even though someone might seem like they have it all together, I bet they’re just as nervous/anxious as you are.
And yes, keep your door open, talk to people in the bathroom, hang out in the lounge, join clubs, attend social events, etc. I always recommend asking a question if you don’t know how to start a conversation with someone. For example, you could ask “Hey, do you know where this building is?”, “Hey, do you know is the pasta here is any good?”, or “Hey, do you know when the psychology club meetings are?”. From there, you can start a simple conversation.
Also, know that you probably won’t even be close friends with people you meet in the first few weeks. I am a junior in college now and literally only have 3 close friends from freshman year. One of my closest friends is actually someone I met last year as a sophomore, so I’m sure you’ll continue making more and more friends over the years too.
This time of year we see many posts about how they are having a hard time adjusting because they don’t have any friends. With all of these, obviously try to do them with your roommate as well. But if that is not working out, then…
During Orientation, go to as many activities as you can. Ask people in your hall way if they are going. Introduce yourself…they are looking for friends too. “Hey, I am Pat…what are you majoring in?”
Go to the Activities Fair and sign up for a bunch of clubs that are of interest. They may not all pan out, but don’t eliminate anything yet. If you are into music/D&D/running/church/whatever, you can find other people who are interested too. Service clubs are great because you spend time working together.
Talk to the people on your floor…Get some cookies and offer them “Hey I have cookies, anyone want some?” and then strike up a conversation about where they are from, what they are majoring in, etc. People like to talk about themselves…let them. Don’t make it too long…move on to others.
At dinner time, ask your roommate/people on your hall if they are going to dining hall. Go with them. See if people in your dorm generally sit in the same area… Join them.
Go to any dorm activities your RA has set up. If you are still having issues, talk to your RA. See if they have ideas. If not suggest that they have one. Maybe a movie and pizza?
Join your dorm’s intramural (or any intramural) team.
Talk to others in your classes…exchange numbers so that if either of you miss you can exchange notes… Ask what someone got on a homework question (that you did too)…once you get to know them, ask if they want to form a study group.
If this isn’t working, go to the Counseling Center…they are ready to help freshman this time of year. Don’t think you are a loser because you have to go…this is something you pay for! Get the benefit! You may need to learn some new social skills. They may also have group talks on Homesickness or fitting in.
Go to ongoing campus activities…concerts/movies/lectures/parties. Invite someone/group of people or just sign up and meet people for activities that might be off campus.
See if your dorm/floor has a GroupMe Group set up…otherwise suggest to someone who is extraverted that it might be a good idea. Then people can send a group text that they are showing a movie in the lounge or are baking cupcakes in the kitchen.
You may notice that all of these things take some action…they are not passive. You have to take initiative. But the risk is small…if someone says no, then just say “Maybe another time”.