nervous about college

Student Lounge College Life
1

I’m gonna be a freshman in college in a few weeks and i’m really nervous about it. I have such high expectations for college that I feel like it’s not gonna live up to it. My main concern is making friends. I’m really shy in the beginning until I get used to the person. Then, I could be really outgoing if I’m comfortable. In high school, I talked to many people but I only had 2 really close friends. I wanted to make life long friends in college. I already feel like college is going down hill and it hasn’t even started. I talked to my roommate a couple of days ago. I texted her again telling her about some information I heard about the dorms that I thought would be useful for her, but she hasn’t replied for the past 5 days. I feel like she’s already stopped talking to me.

Any advice?

2

I was in your position and I promise it’ll be fine. The good news is, the first few days/weeks of college, EVERYONE is in your boat. There’s not a single person who is like “ehh I don’t really want to make any friends.” Everyone wants to ensure that they find a nice social circle and good people to be friends with. So if you keep your door open, approach people in classes (“hey! where are you from?”), and start getting involved in clubs and stuff, you’ll be fine. The first few days will be a roller coaster, wondering if these are going to be your solid friends or else someone you’ll never talk to again, but the dust will settle and you’ll be okay.

3

Honestly, making friends is not something you can force. It just happens. If it helps, I can share stories of how I met some of my closest friends.

The first close friend that I met lived down the hall from me in my freshman (and sophomore) year. Our dorms had people in various class years, and so he was a year ahead of me. Those things combined with the fact that we had a class together pushed him to reach out to me. We had endless long conversations just running into each other in the hall.

The second person I met was at one of those cheesy icebreaker/mixer things in maybe the third week of school. We were hanging out in a group for most of the night, but towards the end it was just the two of us talking. During this time my roommate walked by and joined our conversation, and so we all hung out for a while longer–and by that, I mean the three of us probably didn’t interact with anyone else for the next 24 hours. Long story short, I got EXTREMELY close to friend #2 in that time.

Now, I know those stories both sound kind of like the stereotypical college friendships that you’re pressuring yourself to attain. But one of my strongest friendships was with a girl that I didn’t meet until March of my freshman year. See, at that time I was in a political discussion club, and I liked going but I never had much to contribute. But I knew that the president of that club was also president of Philosophy Club–and so when Philosophy Club was having a meeting to discuss the nature of consciousness, which was something I thought I could contribute to, I went over there with the intent of getting to know the president better and making him aware that, you know, there’s stuff going on in my mind.

And he was definitely impressed with my comments–but so was this other girl that I had previously known only by name. She liked my comments a lot, and honestly, as cheesy as it sounds the rest was history.

I guess if I were to translate all these stories into advice, it would be…

  • Sometimes things are like they are in the movies. Your closest friends may not be your roommates, but they could still be your hall mates depending on the nature of your hall. Don't go the other extreme and shut off all hope, either.
  • The sort of intense, rapidly-formed friendship that I formed with Friend #2 wasn't all it was cracked up to be. It never destroyed our friendship, but it has caused problems along the way because of the power dynamic it led to. You're better off getting to know people more gradually.
  • There is some truth to the common advice that joining clubs is a good way to make friends, but I don't think you can join just any club. If you find something you're passionate about and find a way to express that , people will come to you.
  • Finally, perhaps the most important thing to remember is that these things come a lot sooner when you're not actively looking for them. Before my first Philosophy Club meeting I never even knew that Friend #3 EXISTED. And I think there's beauty in that.
4
  1. Join clubs that you can relate to. It feels easier and less awkward to talk to people when you're associating by choice.
  2. EVERYONE in your dorm is going to be nervous about making friends, so they'll be happy to talk to you. They'll especially be happy to talk to you, since you're a girl.
  3. Remember that the cool thing about college is that yours is probably large enough that you can afford to make social mistakes without it coming back to haunt you, because there are just so many people. So you can go out to people that you don't have to live with, and just try talking to them. Make it an active effort to improve your social skills. If you mess up, just note what you did wrong and move on; if you don't want to see them again, you usually don't have to.
  4. You almost certainly underestimate people's willingness to talk to you.
  5. Ask people (reasonable) questions about themselves. People like to talk about themselves.
  6. Get contact info and keep in touch with people you want to keep in touch with.
  7. Don't be too worried if the friends you make in your first few weeks aren't the ones you end up hanging out with at the end of the year; your first friends are probably a product of proximity, and that doesn't always last.
  8. Be sure to attend the social events and gatherings they're going to throw on you freshmen.
  9. Make friends in classes via study groups and whatnot.
  10. **Warning:** Do have a healthy amount of caution among sketchy looking senior boys who seem really into you. And be careful at parties, of course.