<p>I was looking online at what we have planned for our first week of college, and I became kind of nervous when I read that we're going to have things like barbeques and ice cream socials the first week. I mean, I know they're supposed help us meet new people and become acclimated to our new environment, but I'm super shy and reserved, so it's hard for me to make friends easily. The worst possible scenario that I'm thinking of is being at a barbeque meant to help us socialize and meet new people and feeling really self conscious because I won't be talking to anyone, since it's kind of hard for me to just go up to people and start a conversation with people. I know it probably won't be that bad, but I just get nervous about these things :/ :). At orientation, it seemed like most of the people there were people I wouldn't be compatible with personality-wise so a lot of the people there wouldn't be interested in talking to me, but rather people similar to them. Can anyone talk about their experiences with the first week of college? Is it/will it be as awkward as I think it'll be?
I realize this sounds like I'm painfully socially awkward, but I'm not really. :) I'm just really tentative and timid when I'm meeting people for the first time, especially at college because it seems like everyone around you has made friends within the first five minutes and you still barely know anyone haha. Thank you for any responses :)</p>
<p>Well, I moved in today. So I don’t have a lot of experience yet. But so far it isn’t that bad. I only know one person at my school and I’m not that close to him. Anyway, when you move in do activities with your roommate so you can get to know them. People (in my opinion from now and high school), are nicer on the first few days because they feel nervous also. So that makes it easier to make friends.</p>
<p>stop being so shy
no one is paying attention to your weirdness/mannerisms/whatever as you are
it seems like everyone around you has made friends because you’re overthinking it and if you didn’t compare yourself to everyone else you would be much more content</p>
<p>i really got over a lot of my shyness issues freshman year, and i only did it because i put effort in. later on there’ll probably be (and there are now, even) threads saying stuff like “wah wah i don’t have any friends” and the problem is all with the person. you make your own decisions so you don’t have to heed anything i’ve said, but i was in your situation once and now i’m pretty much the complete opposite.</p>
<p>this goes for everyone on here who complains about it being hard to meet people</p>
<p>oh, and it only gets harder to meet people as the year goes on and cliques form.</p>
<p>as for me, during orientation i was in the college of biological sciences, so it was kinda awkward. i felt myself taking the lead in conversations, meeting people, etc. a lot and it was like my first time being THAT social. and then during all of freshman year i met a **** ton of people and it was all good.
and as for talking to people who “aren’t compatible,” you never know this until you’ve spoken to them. don’t write people off, everyone has a story to tell.</p>
<p>Just quickly think of a converstion topic or story, then approach some stranger and see how receptive they are (Bodylanguage)… then just start talking. It’s not like ur making nrop (view that last word in a magnifying glass).</p>
<p>sometimes all it takes is you sitting with someone and introducing yourself. I’m really shy and quiet around people i don’t know too. But this is what thought a few months ago… you’re in a totally new environment with people who don’t know you. So in that case, try to break out of your shell!! get them to know you. I’m moving in to school next week, and I’m pretty much feeling everything you are. Try not to worry, you will make friends. Just stick to what you believe in and don’t become someone you’re not. Good luck :)</p>
<p>What is nrop???</p>
<p>awwwwwwwwwwwww you’ll be okay (disclaimer: you might not feel okay).</p>
<p>option 1: skip it and post on cc about how you’re skipping it (on second thought people might be harsh - maybe try the social anxiety forum). </p>
<p>option 2: reduce anxieties with drugs, meditation, whatever works.</p>
<p>option 3: don’t be yourself and see what happens. think of it as a very important experiment with lives hanging in the balance.</p>
<p>Parent here. </p>
<p>OP, keep this in mind: Everyone at those events will feel silly and awkward. EVERYONE. Some will LOOK comfortable, but trust me, they won’t be. Don’t be fooled by appearances. :)</p>
<p>Some strategies: First, promise yourself that you’ll meet 3 new people at the event. Expect it to feel awkward at first, because it will. Do it anyway.</p>
<p>Second, the way you approach is important. Don’t just stride up to someone and start talking at them. Better to kind of drift over next to them and then comment on the scene in front of you. That instantly gives you something in common as an opener, the scene itself. In line at the BBQ: “OMG those burgers look GOOD.” Scintillating conversation? No. But it has served its purpose: You got some words out of your mouth. Some people will grunt in response; fine. But someone might respond, “I don’t know, I was thinking about getting ribs.” A few more exchanges about the food as you move down the line, and it might feel OK to say, “Want to sit over there?” and boom, you’ve got a dinner partner.</p>
<p>Third, think ahead of time about conversation-starter questions. There’s nothing wrong with the obvious ones – “Where are you from?” “Which dorm are you in?” but you have to be ready to follow up with a question that can’t be answered in one word. “Where are you from?” “Outer Mongolia.” “Wow, how complicated is it to travel from there to here?” or “How is this university different from universities in Outer Mongolia?” or “What’s the best food in Outer Mongolia?” A good all-purpose question for college freshmen is, “So what made you come to ABC University?” And a good all-purpose comment for ANY awkward situation is, “Aren’t these things awkward?” (People are always grateful to the person who says out loud what everyone is thinking.)</p>
<p>And fourth, don’t pre-screen people for compatibility, and don’t expect to really “click” with someone (although you might). The purpose of these things isn’t to find your BFF; it’s to meet – speak to – a number of people. These shouldn’t be long, soul-baring conversations, unless you really do run into someone who’s sympatico. Otherwise, keep it short, keep it light, move on and keep circulating. The more people you meet at this early stage, the sooner you’ll feel comfortable in your new environment.</p>
<p>Seems like you can always count on the parents of CC for thoughtful, pragmatic advice :).</p>
<p>You can tell, LasMa is a parent who CLEARLY remembers what those welcome events were like and knows how to interact with people. Follow that advice and you’ll do just fine.</p>
<p>If you happen to meet a person or people who you do click with then exchange numbers or add eachother on facebook so you can keep in contact. That way if you want to chill again you can easily get in touch with them and you’ll definitely see them again. I met a few cool people during my orientation, but didn’t exchange numbers with them and didn’t see them again during the school year.</p>
<p>Also if you’re nervous about looking like you’re by yourself at these events then invite your roomate to go with you. You never have to be best friends with your roomate, but this is a good opportunity to get to know him/her a little better and establish a cordial relationship.</p>
<p>Another CC parent here. I want to echo what LasMa has said. People like to talk about themselves. They also like people who seem interested in them. Win/win. Simply ask questions to get them talking and you are in the clear (remember to actually listen to their answer). It takes the focus off of you, which makes it easier for many shy people, and yet you meet people. It seems simple, but remember to smile often and make eye contact. It makes you more accessible. Lastly, make it a habit to keep your dorm door open when you’re not sleeping, studying, or changing. It invites others to stop and say hello.</p>
<p>I don’t think I actually keep in contact much with people I met during freshman week. We were forced into groups though so it was less awkward chatting 
I’ve met most of my friends through classes and via mutual friends; it’s easier when you’ve got a common ground to work off.
During the event itself, a nice icebreaker may be to join in some organized activities to loosen tension, and talk will come naturally.</p>
<p>Yeah, I barely remember the names of anyone I hung out with during orientation or even the first few weeks of school. I think a lot of people have a similar experience.</p>
<p>Yes, it’s awkward. Certain events in life are awkward. Get through it and then you’ll be totally fine.</p>
<p>It’s true that the people you chat with during introduction week probably won’t be the people who will ending up becoming your circle of friends. But I think it’s really important to make the effort anyway. Otherwise, for weeks or months, you’ll be thinking that all those other people are comfortable because they DID attend the socials. So do it to just break the ice for yourself. You’ll find your tribe later, in the dorm, classes, or activities.</p>
<p>Piggybacking on blueiguana’s idea about leaving your door open (a good one), here’s something my D did which helped: She took a book to the lounge, plunked herself down and started reading. As people wandered by, several said hello and one stopped to chat for a minute. She did this for several days in a row (sometimes at the coffee shop or student center), and after a few days, someone invited her to an event that evening. She felt like that was the start of her college social life. The beauty of this plan is that it took the pressure off. It didn’t feel to her like she was trolling for friends, nor did it look that way to other people. She was just reading. The social contacts were unforced and casual.</p>
<p>Marco, you’re right, I do remember the awkward first weeks of school (a million years ago :rolleyes:). I was really shy and it was hard for me to break in. I’m still naturally shy, but I’ve learned some things about human nature (you can’t believe the masks that people wear at these events; people can’t look into my soul and see that I’m nervous, etc.), and I’ve learned some tricks for getting through them. I’ve also learned that feeling uncomfortable isn’t a fatal condition. :)</p>
<p>A question to all the experienced… Would you guys recommend attending these first week social events with friends you already knew beforehand from HS? Kind of like a wingman for making new friends lol. I for some reason feel like I’d be tied down if I went around meeting and talking to new people if I did with old friends…</p>
<p>I feel like one other really good friend would be fine, especially if you’re like me and find meeting people a lot less awkward when there’s at least one other person there that you know well, and may become something to talk about to new people. More than that then it’s kinda eh, I personally don’t like introducing myself to a bunch of people who (seem to) know each other, since I would just feel like an outsider.</p>
<p>Well, I’m really outgoing and I met tons of people at my summer orientation however, I can tell you that I don’t even remember half of the people I met or what their names are. My advice is to make friends but don’t worry about how everyone else is doing. And since people don’t know you, you have a clean slate and starting it off by giving everyone an impression of nervousness is a bad way to start off. I mean what is there to be nervous about. You are no longer in highschool. My advice is to get out of your shell, that’s the only way. There is no other way.</p>
<p>Everyone feels that way at some point. It’s only the first few days, and you still have clubs and classes to meet people. Don’t feel bad, though – making good friends takes effort, and oftentimes, it won’t be overnight. Like everyone else said, try talking to people, or set a goal for yourself of having a nice conversation with three new people every day for the first week or two.</p>