<p>I think it is better NOT to have a published official across-the-board policy on this matter. The issue is evolving, and once you set a policy it is more difficult to change it (institutional inertia). </p>
<p>Consider foolishpleasure’s suggestion, for example. Believe it or not, I HAVE heard experiences of lesbian Smithies coming on to prospies. (TheDad and I were around one very public incident about 7 years ago. Now, don’t get me wrong: my secondhand experience tells me this happens among heteros at coed schools all the time.) What if, based on the incident, Smith was to set an across-the-board policy that lesbian students couldn’t host prospies? </p>
<p>I think having a policy (and virtually any policy) would be a retrogade step.</p>
<p>Well, I tend to think that part of the problem with Smith’s administration is that it doesn’t always communicate as effectively as it could with the students. Up until now, the guide in question was able to host students who chose to overnight with him, but he gave them the choice. Now the Admissions Office suddenly changes tactic, and only with regard to him, because they “know about him”. Other transgender students who apply to be overnight hosts are perfectly able to host students as long as the office doesn’t realize that their transgender. Putting myself in this guide’s shoes, I can see how that would seem pretty unfair. If I had a system that seemed to be working, I knew other people in my exact same position who were hosting, but I was being punished (in my eyes) for no greater cime than simply being known to admissions officials because I was involved in promoting Smith, I think I would be kind of hurt by that. </p>
<p>Whereas if there was a clearly communicated policy up front, that applied equally to everyone, I would at least know what to expect. I would feel like there was open communication and if the policy was sensible, i’d probably go along with it. Based on the student’s article and the subsequent postings, the way it reads to me is that they weren’t so upset about not being able to host as they were about the arbitrary way it went down.</p>
<p>“Other transgender students who apply to be overnight hosts are perfectly able to host students as long as the office doesn’t realize that their transgender. Putting myself in this guide’s shoes, I can see how that would seem pretty unfair.”</p>
<p>Fair enough. Now instead of putting yourself in the guide’s shoes, put yourself in the college’s shoes. They don’t want to prevent transgender students from hosting as a rule, but they don’t want parents to believe their d’s are being hosted by male students. They also don’t want to make a rule against hosting of prospies by lesbian students. Or by anyone else.</p>
<p>So as this all evolves they choose what is essentially a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy which makes it possible for transgender students to host, and lesbian students to host. Or put another way - the women attending Smith College, which is a women’s college, are allowed to host. And they will assume the hosts are in fact women unless explicited told, by the students themselves, otherwise. It’s not great, but the other major option open to them is to ban groups of students from hosting who might be socially unacceptable to prospie parents, and they don’t want to go there. (I don’t know many parents, whether their d’s are gay or straight, that would actively choose that their kids’ overnight at a women’ college - their one overnight before decision time - be hosted by a male student.)</p>
<p>I can well appreciate the upset. I also think the college did the right thing by NOT having a clearly commuicated policy upfront.</p>
<p>If I were a prospie or the parent of one who had questions about Smith, this thread would tell me all I need to know. The semi-hysterical rants against anyone who doesn’t drink the Kool-Aid (maybe you belong at Bob Jones University or Liberty University), the pomposity (well, once in this country people felt free to disrespect women…) Really??? Who would have guessed if you hadn’t enlightened us??? The subtle and not so subtle trashing of other colleges. </p>
<p>I went to law school (as a woman) when it was a very unusual thing to do. I’ve had a long and successful legal career in Boston and worked with many women who graduated from Wellesley, Smith and other fine colleges. A few of us even graduated from lesser-known colleges and coed colleges–and this was back in the day when, at the elite level, women were largely restricted to womens’ colleges. In the long run, it didn’t make much difference. I graduated from a womens’ college, so I know something about the experience. It wasn’t for me, but that’s a personal preference and I know many women who loved their experiences at womens’ colleges. I respect their point of view. I really don’t need lectures about the disempowerment of women, yadda, yadda, yadda from men–or from women who, in most cases, didn’t experience the challenges of the professional world at a time when few women got through the doors at all.</p>
<p>What’s with the lectures, the obsessive patrolling of the site by partisans to see if someone slipped in a cautionary word or an implied criticism? Smith is a fine college–not right for everyone but absolutely great for many. But some people on this site make it seem like some kind of a cult–too bad, really sad. I thought Smith was better than that. </p>
<p>I’m sure the furious responses will pour in within minutes, so have at it. You can have the last word–some people absolutely need that (men, perhaps?) and I think a few of them are lurking here 24/7. Will be signing off permanently from Smith threads. Good luck to all.</p>
<p>If I’m going to patrol the Smith board, do I get a mask or a badge or a cape or something? I feel a little robbed without one. Maybe a safety patrol band? </p>
<p>In all seriousness, I do wonder why someone who is not a prospective Smith student or parent or an alum would be bothering with our little board anyway, much less getting themselves all worked up into a lather about it. Ah well, guess we all have our own ways of finding fun in life.</p>
<p>It’s interesting how one person’s cult (negative connotations) is another person’s idea of a family (positive connotations).</p>
<p>Since I started reading CC, I’ve been struck by the supportive familial nature of the threads/postings on the Smith discussion board. Of the 7 forums I have been following since my D was accepted into college, this one seems the most all around positive and close-knit. I get the feeling that Smithies (and I include parents here too) are fiercely loyal, thoughtful people that surround the “wagon” when they feel it is being attacked or just when they want to spread the joy they see in this special college. </p>
<p>And I am very happy that my daughter and her family are now joining this special “cult!”</p>
<p>Ditto on congrats, Upstate! I know its been a long process, but with all the stories you read here of successful lives impacted greatly from Smith, this is a great day for your family and specifically for your D.</p>
<p>Would most people find the activities described in the original post (people on top of one another in public, horrible student/professor interaction in class, graphic sex talk over dinner in the company of strangers) a bit unnerving if they were done by males and females at a coed college? I think so (I have 4 degrees and have taught at 4 colleges, and have never seen even one of those things, much less all of them). And if so, I think the accusations of homophobia against the OP are unfounded.</p>
<p>Upstatemom, congratulations again! The process really is an emotional roller coaster and you all have had quite the ride. I truly am so delighted for your daughter and I look forward to hearing about all the wonderful things she’s learning and doing in her life at SMITH! Hugs to you!</p>
<p>Schmaltz: I assure you that you can encounter the same in heterosexual configuration at Ohio State. And in terms of unwanted sexual attention, there’ll be a lot lot lot less at Smith than on alcohol-fueled football weekends in the Big Ten schools, where it’s routine as opposed to cause for comment.</p>
<p>THE Dad from THE OSU: But this wasn’t an alcohol-drenched football weekend. And I’ve attended 2 Big 10 schools and have been to plenty of Big 10 football games and never had a stranger include me in sex talk. Also don’t recall public clothed missionary position demonstrations. I have no doubt you could see such things at Ohio State. But I’m from Michigan where we don’t consider that a real college. How to get to OSU from Michigan? Go south til you smell it, then east til you step in it. Sorry, couldn’t resist. And don’t pretend you haven’t heard worse about Ann Arbor.</p>
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