Look, my middle-class, white, male kid attended a private high school on scholarship and he had to deal with the same assumptions, that because he attended “that kind of school,” he must have received all kinds of test prep and private tutoring and had every advantage a helicopter parent could acquire on his behalf. It’s an easy assumption for an adcom to make because it’s true about quite a large percentage of students who attend that school. Tough luck, I told him. That’s life. If you’re not competitive for the most “elite” schools, there are plenty of schools that will be glad to have you and will make it worth your while. And you’ll be in great company wherever you end up because they’ll will be lots of other smart, talented kids who won’t be accepted at the elites.
Most importantly, though, I told him NOBODY can take the terrific education he received in HS from him–that will be his regardless of where he goes to college and will likely have as much to do with his future success as the school name on his college degree.
Rather than try to package your kid for an elite school by encouraging him to give up his true passions, encourage him to pursue them wholeheartedly and to find the school that wants HIM. I guarantee you, there are MANY wonderful schools that would make him feel very special indeed, and, you never know, one or two might even be “elites.”