I would hear him out. Part of college is about figuring out who you want to befriend and how you want to spend time with those people. If this is the way he wants to do that and he has given it thought, I would let him do it. AND I think it’s important to keep the lines of communication open, so share your thoughts and concerns, but also let him know that you trust him.
I would insist that he have an Uber account so that he is never compelled to get in a car with someone who has been drinking simply to get back to campus, and I would express this concern unabashedly.
@Marian - you are right, D1 would have lived the same lifestyle whether she joined a sorority or not. She would not have joined if it required her not to be herself, and that’s why it worked out for her. I know she would have been very unhappy if I would have prevented her from joining. At the end, she was very responsible and caused me with very little worries.
I don’t think parents should assume their kid is going to be a different person by joining or not joining Greek life. They will most likely behave the way you’ve brought them up to behave.
We didn’t find this to be the case anymore other than the service academies. Neither of my kids had a car, but almost all of their friends did even as freshmen.
Back in the mid-late '90s, Oberlin College stated only juniors and higher were allowed to bring cars to campus because of a supposed town ordinance placing such limits on which students may bring cars within town limits.
While a few students likely got around this by finding parking spaces outside the town limits, the hassles involved are such that I only knew a handful of underclassmen who did so. One was a well-off international student who was able to not only purchase a new car, but do so with cash in a time when most international students at the college in this period had serious financial constraints.
It depends on the school. Connecticut College doesn’t allow freshmen to have cars, and students feel it helps them build community. At other schools, it’s allowed for all students but the parking for freshmen is so inconvenient that few bother. AND at many, there are no restrictions.
So to close the loop, he did join and is considering if he should move the the house as a soph next year.
Waiting to see how housing lottery goes, to see if he can get nice/convenient dorm.
If not, frat house saves about $8k/year vs R&B on campus, which I agreed to put towards a used car for him. He is a responsible driver and would rather him to be designated driver than others.
That said, parking is a problem at most colleges, his included. So there may be times he has to take the bus (like 10 or 11am 1st class of the day - I assume plenty of parking at 7:30am for an 8am class but not by 9:30am for a 10am class). There are buses to the frat house but not running frequently enough to use all the time. I think a few times/week is fine, and he can go back to campus in eve/weekends for activities when the parking lots are not full, for clubs etc.
At the end of the day every frat is going to have its social cliques. Maybe try to steer the conversation towards getting your son to think about who the people in the frat he will be around. Are they fellow athletes?