<p>Both of us parents were students of the 70's - free thinking and fiercely independent. Now our youngest is heading off to college in the fall and has recently announced that he is going to explore the possibility of joining a fraternity as an incoming freshman. The concept is so foreign to us as Greek was very out when we were back in school. He's a very level headed kid, but this isn't something we were prepared for. We realize our data is over 30 years old, but has it really changed much? Any tips for worrying parents?</p>
<p>Go through rush, see if he likes any of the houses or brothers, and also the other guys rushing (they will be his pledge class)</p>
<p>If he does - then go for it. If it’s not for him, no worries…</p>
<p>During pledging if he is asked to do anything that makes him uncomfortable, say NO. Do not make the desire to belong so great that you are willing to jeopardize your health/safety/dignity (I would say this about joining a Greek house, a sports team, or wanting ‘in’ with the ‘popular’ crowd in the dorm)</p>
<p>NB By uncomfortable, he needs to realise that in certain chapters he could be asked to do some of the following as a pledge: clean up after parties, act as a designated driver, participate in philanthropy events and activities on behalf of the chapter, wear certain clothing (eg blazer and tie) on Fridays, etc… I think if that makes him uncomfortable, he may not like Greek life…</p>
<p>Not all chapters are the same. Not all campuses are the same. It might help to know which college he is planning to attend.</p>
<p>In some Greek houses, on some campuses, there is real hazing. Dangerous hazing – not just the mild sorts of things soccergirlnyc is talking about. </p>
<p>It would be worthwhile for your son to be well informed about hazing before joining a fraternity, just in case he runs into the situation. He probably won’t, but it doesn’t hurt to have an idea of the kinds of things that other people have encountered.</p>
<p>My alma mater’s hazing page might be a good place to start.</p>
<p>[url=<a href=“http://hazing.cornell.edu/hazing/index.cfm]Hazing[/url”>http://hazing.cornell.edu/hazing/index.cfm]Hazing[/url</a>]</p>
<p>Yes. Tell him you won’t pay for it. Period. Not a dime. And, furthermore, if his grades fall below an acceptable standard, the tuition funds get cut off. If you have any history of alcoholism in your family, you need to sit him down NOW, and explore it together. Some level of alcohol consumption (even if illegal) works okay for some people; and for other people (because of genetic propensities), it should be off limits. Have you talked about sexual assault? (Not just him assaulting others while “under the influence”, but being assaulted himself?)</p>
<p>It has changed. It is much, much worse than 30 years ago (primarily because patterns of alcohol use have changed, from beer to harder, more dangerous stuff.) And yes, there are those fraternities made up of holy saints who stand on street corners waiting for old ladies they can help across the street, yaddayaddayadda.</p>
<p>(Are my prejudices showing? Oh, how awful! My bad! :))</p>
<p>Mini raises some good points</p>
<p>1) How will this be paid for? Depending on campus and/ or chapter, fraternities can be expensive</p>
<p>2) They can also be time consuming, esp during the pledge semester. Will you have any sanctions on grades falling below a certain level? </p>
<p>3) What does he know about alcohol, it’s effects, and it’s legal ramifications?</p>
<p>This is so school specific that I find myself holding back a response…</p>
<p>but above posts are all accurate…to a point…</p>
<p>Would you mind revealing what school your son will be attending?</p>
<p>Mini’s post sounds like my wife talking when we are in private. Hate to disparage an exploration based on our dated info, but my guess is that it is probably worse. He’s going to Univ. of Kansas and has been a straight arrow all the way through high school with no consumption issues that have been brought to our attention yet. He is highly motivated to continue to achieve straight A’s in college just like high school and his full tuition scholarship depends on keeping up the grades. Because of the scholarship, we would be able to float the extra $ for Greek [unlike his brother who will be a senior at an Ivy – he had no interest in Greek there and we are glad as one or more of the houses was running a coke ring and got busted and had their houses taken away from them]. Just the kind of call a parent needs…</p>
<p>Add’l information: he is keen on the Beta house as they allegedly have the reputation for being the top academic house. Two of their members spoke at an honors reception that we went to and seemed very impressive and the kinds of guy that I would love to have mentor my son. But, the horror stories of alcohol fueled parties leading to death haunt me.</p>
<p>“Mini’s post sounds like my wife talking when we are in private. Hate to disparage an exploration based on our dated info, but my guess is that it is probably worse.”</p>
<p>I actually follow the alcohol/drug data for a living. It’s worse. Not every house is worse. Not every campus is worse. Not every year is it worse. But it’s worse. (and I’m sure there are houses that are wonderful)</p>
<p>Why should you float the extra $ for Greek? Is it an “educational” expense? A birthday present?</p>
<p>As a parent of a son who is very involved in Greek life I can list some of the positive aspects, since the posts above have been mostly negative.</p>
<ol>
<li><p>There is a certain GPA required to participate. The FACT is that Greeks at son’s schools have an average GPA which is higher than those who are non-Greek.</p></li>
<li><p>Each house offers leadership positions. My son has been offered the opportunity to be involved with a few of these leadership positions. He has learned a lot from these experiences.</p></li>
<li><p>Greeks on his campus serve charities, and often organize philanthropic events.</p></li>
<li><p>The members often encourage and support their brothers and sisters to try new things.</p></li>
<li><p>Many Greeks form strong bonds with each other and they share wonderful memories.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>I am not saying that one must be Greek to do the things above, BUT Greek life has been nothing other than a positive experience for our son. BTW, he had NO plan to join a fraternity prior to discovering Greek life as a freshman. In fact he told us that he most certainly would not join a fraternity when he was a senior in high school.</p>
<p>I will also add that being a member of a house comes with some other perks: he has always found a quiet place to study there, he has had a brother help when he needed academic support (very minor, but was helpful), they have their own kitchen which he finds of value in escaping campus food (campus food is good, but he like a change). He has also used his house to store a few things last summer (means I did not need to rent storage space).</p>
<p>At the risk of singing the praises of those “holy saints who stand on the street corners…yaddayaddayadda”, I will say the following:</p>
<p>My son is in a fraternity and it has been a wonderful experience, socially and academically. The Greek students post higher GPAs than the independent kids at his school, so that has never been an issue. He was a strong student, and a nice kid before he joined a fraternity, I had no concerns that any organization would change that. </p>
<p>That being said, every school is different and every chapter is different. Yes, pledging can be very time-consuming but some schools have a daily mandatory “study hall” for all pledges. My son had a 3 hour study hall everyday and his grades did NOT suffer. </p>
<p>I was not in the Greek system and neither was my husband, so this was all new to us too and thankfully, it has been a very positive experience. It really think it is a personal decision, just like joining any other club on campus.</p>
<p>Good luck.</p>
<p>Wow! DS is also very interested in Greek life. He has been a member of a youth group since 9th grade and believes that going Greek is an extension of this in some ways. I, like others have said, worry about hazing and requirements to be part of a frat. I have read the stat that being part of a fraternity can lead to better connections, GPAs and strong bonds with new people.</p>
<p>Mini are there public stats available for viewing? DS is considering U of M or MSU (pretty sure they are on the top party school list…oy). As if it’s not enough that I worry about academics but I hate to worry that his interest in Greek life can lead to unsavory practices and harm. So far he has steered clear of drugs and alcohol but i won’t delude myself into thinking he won’t be tempted or possibly join in.</p>
<p>Anecdotes aren’t evidence. There are hundreds of scholarly articles. Just google fraternities and binge drinking, fraternities and drug use, fraternities and sexual assault (by the way, you can try it with sororities, too), etc., etc., and see what you come up with.</p>
<p>I’m sure there are thousands upon thousands of students who have had satisfactory Greek experiences. And those who have members who feed the sick, clothe the thirsty, and heal the naked.</p>
<p>
Not just that. It’s also frat specific. Any college with a moderately large Greek scene will have frats that run the gamut - hardcore partiers and drinkers on one end and band nerds and wii players on the other. I lived downstairs from one of the latter in college, and they were a great group of guys. Some of the other frats on campus were loud, obnoxious, and trashed the quad and common rooms every weekend. It really depends.</p>
<p>My D is in a sorority at Vanderbilt and I was horrified when she called me and told me that she had been invited to a fraternity formal that involved a trip to Florida and that required her to purchase and decorate a rolling cooler, which she was supposed to fill with alcohol for herself and her date to consume over the weekend. (She is 19, btw.) This trip also involved her spending the weekend in her date’s hotel room, despite that she barely knows him, as a friend of hers had fixed her up with him just for this event. When I told my D that there was no way that I was going to pay for my underage D to purchase a cooler full of alcohol for her to supply to a guy she barely knew to drink in a hotel room with her, she told me that I was crazy! Then, to my further horror, I started looking into this practice more on the internet and discovered that this is a common practice at fraternities across the country, with the boys inviting the girls to travel to the mountains or the beach or the lake or whereever and the girls’ price of admission being the supplying of a decorated cooler full of alcohol. Google it! Does anyone else find this to be just sick?!</p>
<p>I would strongly discourage your son from pursuing this. Ask yourself the likelihood that this is going to be have a positive vs. negative effect on your son’s experience. He has straight A’s in high school; he has everything he needs to be successful. It’s not worth the gamble. </p>
<p>I have personal experience with frats and I am as cynical as mini.</p>
<ol>
<li><p>Average GPAs higher than the general student body don’t mean that it is a supportive environment for someone to get straight A’s. </p></li>
<li><p>You can always get involved in service on your own. And there is one service fraternity out there. Raking leaves in an alleyway once a year as is typical for frats isn’t going to have a significant impact on his experience.</p></li>
<li><p>I think if there is an honors college dorm, that would be a better option. I’ve heard that this college-within-a-college can be tight.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>OMG, lenny!! That’s like a horribly twisted (or more twisted) version of the Walrus and the Carpenter story . . . invite them for a long walk on the beach, they get completely cooked on the way, then take advantage of them when you get there. DS15 is - as the name suggests - just 15 so a bit early, but this is very eye opening.</p>
<p>To the OP, I happen to be a KU grad and the former president of a women’s fraternity there. And, yes, that was a long time ago, though I have friends who have kids in KU greek life today. So based on what I do know, I can only speak for what DH & I will tell our sons: no fraternities. Not at KU, not anywhere. Period. For a myriad of reasons. That is simply the choice for our family, based on what we have seen. </p>
<p>Having said that, I have honestly not heard anything negative about the KU Beta house, not in my time at KU nor in recent years. So this is nothing against them.</p>
<p>lenny2: I’ve just found out recently about coolers. There’s a lot of time put into those. If you google fraternity coolers you’ll see a lot of examples.</p>
<p>Smithview - when our D11 decided to join a sorority we was flabbergasted. THis came out of left field, nether my husband or I would have ever entertained Greek life back in our day (we might have gone the the parties but that is about it). Couldn’t believe it…but she loves it. She has made some wonderful friends (and the girls she lives with and hangs out with are not sorority sisters). She said there was no hazing and that in fact it is the “executive woman’s netwwork” in the city where she attends school. She is involved in quite a bit of volunteer work with these women and has secured a leadership position for next year. Many of the alumni are very influential in the business world and help the girls gain internships and jobs upon graduation. So, not all Greek life is what we see on TV or what we think of from our days.</p>