<p>Do you give any advice to your sons about how to behave and be safe at the parties?
Do you know the frat policies? Are you comfortable letting your children participate in parties out of town with overnights?</p>
<p>INCOMING!!</p>
<p>Just kidding, Cressmom. You have asked a question that tends to generate some emotional responses among the members of the Parents Forum. :)</p>
<p>I have never understood the practice of joining exclusive social groups in college. The operative word in my objection is exclusive.</p>
<p>However, I don't think frats have a monopoly on drinking and bad behavior, and it appears that many fraternities in the school my son will go to next year, are not so exclusive. Fraternity housing might be better than other options when my son reaches his sophomore year. So . . . I am going to refrain from making any comments, and wait and see what friends he makes and what he/they choose to do.</p>
<p>lderochi, you made my day! I had the exact thought, I just didn't express it as well, more on the order of Oh Lord, here it comes again!</p>
<p>I'm beginning to think that a small number of drunken besotted fraternities (and I mean that the way I said it) might be a good thing. On the Charlotte Simmons forum, some folks seemed to assume that the conditions I referenced at "college #1" were happenings at fraternities. But the school has no fraternities, and the "indecorous" behavior (I'm struggling for words) besets the general population. If those who enjoy "unseemliiness" were gathered up into drunken fraternities, maybe folks could inhabit the rest of the campus in peace? </p>
<p>Of course, there comes to be a tipping point, too, where besotted behavior spills out over the doorsteps of the fraternities and on to the campus as a whole.</p>
<p>For those of you who lived in dry fraternities where you spent every weekend raising funds for artificial limbs for Cambodian children struck by landmines and accompanying service dogs to play with Alzheimers patients, I hereby offer my abject apologies.</p>
<p>I like your conclusion, mini!
Don't you think that fraternities do more wild partying than charity?
I have an issue right now with a formal and the pressure to the new members to spend the night with their dates, if it is all about the party, why don't the boys shared rooms with boys and the girls with girls if they don't want anything else?</p>
<p>Cressmom, you're doing the right thing by ... asking the questions. If you search on past discussions on this subject, you'll find the divergent opinions which Lderochi hinted to. Having lost one my dearest friends in an "accident" DIRECTLY caused by the actions of a fraternity, it is impossible for me to remain unbiased. One of my vivid memories of the reactions to this most sad event were the expressions of guilt by the parents. They openly wondered why they spent so much time worrying about the impact of unprotected sex, illegal drugs, drunken driving, and other potential dangerous activities, that they did not realize the extent of alcohol poisoning and the resulting deaths from alcohol on college campuses. </p>
<p>I would recommend to check this site: <a href="http://www.thegordiefoundation.org/home/default.asp%5B/url%5D">http://www.thegordiefoundation.org/home/default.asp</a></p>
<p>There isn't a day in my life that goes by without a reminder of the short life of my friend Gordie. If only one person can be saved by reading his story, his early departure would not have been in vain. </p>
<p>I hope that you'll find the right answers to your questions.</p>
<p>getting invited to a formal could very well be translated into-</p>
<p>"hey, what are you doing the weekend of x. i want you to come to formal so we can get drunk and have lots of sex together in a hotel room. don't worry im paying for everything"</p>
<p>guys and girls alike understand this.</p>
<p>As my father told me when I joined a fraternity:</p>
<p>"Son, I'm glad you joined a fraternity, and I'll be even happier when you outgrow it"</p>
<p>At the time I didn't understand him, but three years later I did.</p>
<p>xiggi, thank you so much for the information on Gordie. I have put the site on my favorites list and will add it to a short list of required reading for my 18-year old S this summer as he prepares to leave for college.</p>
<p>xiggi, thank you for the web site.</p>
<p>I remember visiting a friend at Dartmouth one weekend, and wanting to check out the fraternities as I'd never been in one before. She warned me not to ("they're awful!! You'll be sorry!") but I insisted. I should've heeded her advice. Talk about Animal House! Had the same experience at U. Mass and Brown. I wonder if things have changed since then. If not, I hope my kids don't join one! YUK.</p>
<p>As a former sorority girl (Delta Zeta) and "little sis" (Chi Delphia) to a fraternity (Delta Chi) I offer this:</p>
<p>I have two sons and I've told both that I would prefer that they NOT join a frat. While my sorority had a very high graduation rate, the frats at my college did not. The partying took on a life of its own and took many casualties with it. I am also sorry to say that many of those boys ended up having serious drinking problems which affected both their careers and marriages.</p>
<p>Xiggi: so sorry for the tragic loss of your beloved friend Gordie. This why I never believe it when frats say that they aren't allowed to do hazing anymore. This frat was probably making the same claim before this tragic loss.</p>
<p>Hang on a sec...</p>
<p>Why is it the frat's fault that someone didn't have self-control? Not to marginalize your friend's death, xiggi, but I don't see why this is anyone else's fault but his own. Unless they put a gun to his head, he chose to down those drinks.</p>
<p>Self-responsibility, folks. It sucks.</p>
<p>i've commented on this countless of times before, but here goes again -
i really don't like frat's - i think they're a cheap way to make friends, and as far as the charity work is concerned, there are a lot more organizations around campus to join that do a lot more charity work than a fraternity does. </p>
<p>as for the drinking and hazing that goes on, people have died drinking at frats.. many of which during hazing, or just at random parties. this we all know. however, nobody forces the kids to Join the frat, or even to go to the frats and drink their alcohol in the first place. i do feel bad that xiggi lost a friend, however he chose to attempt to join the frat and drink in the first place. the frat is not directly responsible. he is directly responsible in the first place for joining and taking place in the activities. this holds true to the boy who died drinking at my college a few years ago, as well as all of the other colleges around the world. i'm with ari on the self responsibility thing... which many of you already know, as i've posted this before on previous threads...</p>
<p>I worked in the dorms at UCLA. I can't tell you how many residents ended up getting wheeled off to the medical center at night after drinking in small intimate settings or alone. Who's to blame then?</p>
<p>Again, I went to enough parties to know that all you have to do is say "naw...I'm done" and it's over with. So what if people make fun of you? At least you'll have more liver left than them in the morning.</p>
<p>exactly. people who choose to drink on their own are responsible for their actions.. so why shouldn't someone who chooses to go drink at a frat party be responsible for their actions. sure, someone supplied them with the alcohol (and should be responsible for that, however they are not responsible for the kid actually DRINKING it).. but that person chose to go there and drink it on his/her own accord. they are responsible for their actions. and you can say that as part of hazing they are being forced to drink, however they CHOSE to join that fraternity... IE, they chose to take part of that ritual. self responsibility is key.</p>
<p>Read the book Pledged, even if a third of what she writes about is accurate, its eye opening</p>
<p>I kind of like the idea of frat and sorities that don't have houses, that are truly into service work, bonding, etc</p>
<p>the drinking at some Greek institutions is very organized and gets way out of hand and often
the hazing is absurd and scary</p>
<p>both my Ds have said they doont want to attend schools where greek life is prevelant</p>
<p>I was a GDI in college and had a great time</p>
<p>the pressure in those frat hazing is such that its really hard to back out, and often, and what can happen is you can get a little drunk, and then they get you to drink more and more, lock in freezing rooms, drop you in the woods, and then don't take care of you</p>
<p>that is the Frats responsibilty and those deaths are the frats responsibility as well....</p>
<p>how can the Frat not be at least as responsible as the student who died, at a minimum, sure there is self responsibility, but national organizations have a responsibility as well to make sure their members are following the rules, the rules of the college and the law</p>
<p>In a Frat you are hoping that you are safe and that your brothers are there for you, but to let someone die because you are playing cruel games is just awful...think about it, if you are wilth a bunch of other men, you would think that they would see that something was wrong and stop doing what they were doing and get you help...</p>
<p>citygirlsmom - sure it's hard to back out. of course it is. but it's their own fault for getting involved in the first place. nobody forced that kid to go there, to get "a little drunk" in the first place. that's that kids own fault. </p>
<p>the frat is responsible fo supplying alcohol to minors, however they did not force that minor to take part of the drinking... they didn't force the kid to come to their party. they may not have looked after the kid, however they didn't make the kid start to drink in the first place.</p>
<p>then maybe they aren't "true" friends. people make the mistake of believing that just because they join an organization they are friends with everyone in it. sure, there is a sense of humanity that i believe some people don't exercise, however they did not force those kids to drink in the first place. i have been to countless parties with my friends and we ALWAYS look after each other. the MOMENT we see someone drinking too much or feeling sick we stop them from drinking and drop what we're doing and will take care of that person untill they are feeling better.</p>