<p>ilsa, I went to a big Greek focused university and ended up (not entirely by choice) not joining. To me, the major downside was the sense of exclusion. On this campus at this time, sororities were the center of the social universe and if you couldn't belong because of finance or if you were not invited to join, you were socially stigmatized. For a teenager, being rejected in a public and competitive contest (which is what rush really is) can hurt a lot. As it turned out, a couple of years later the situation reversed, and as sororities became decidedly non-cool many of my friends dropped out of their houses, so I guess it depends a lot on the cycle.</p>
<p>There has been a huge amount of discussion and conflict on this board regarding the impact of drinking on day to day life. To me it's kind of like the perception of New York subway lines -- your own line is perfectly safe but everyone else's is full of murderers and rapists. People tend to see their own kid’s schools as being within the range of tolerance -- same goes for the kids who are currently attending. However, when we read emotionally colored statistics or, worse, horrific accounts in the campus newpapers we draw false conclusions about the ambient culture. </p>
<p>I have no doubt that I'll be back on this thread soon refuting some vitriol, so I'll just pre-empt by giving my son's experience. My son attended highschool in a country where there are no drinking laws. Alcohol was readily available and some abused. My son, blessedly, never developed much of an interest in alcohol, though he does drink socially.</p>
<p>He decided to go to Williams which has a reputation for heavy drinking despite its lack of fraternities. Kids do drink, sometimes much more than was good for them. But in no way did this deter from my son’s experience -- academically and socially. Sometimes the non-or-light drinking contingent is depicted like settlers in the stockade surrounded by comanches. In fact the actual situation is very different. At Williams my son was able to develop a wonderful social circle of kids who, as far as I can tell, are moderate social drinkers. They excelled academically and socially and when polled at graduation said they’d do it again in a heartbeat. We’re in touch with these kids and still see them socially. They are not outcasts or losers. They were campus leaders and over achievers when they were at school and are on the road to immensely satisfying careers. If you were to ask them, which I do, they would say that drinking was an annoyance, not a major calamity.</p>
<p>Drinking is just one negative aspect of campus culture. Like drugs, conspicuous consumption, competitiveness, sexual harrassment – it is an intangible influence that is difficult to quantify in way that makes sense for outsiders.</p>
<p>Yes you can look at statistics -- but be aware of two things: one, bad things happen on good campuses, all of them. Even the ones where (allegedly) kids don't drink. Keep horror stories in context. There are disgruntled students at every college; discard the worst and the best tales. The truth is somewhere in the middle.</p>
<p>Two, there is no definitive comparative study of excessive drinking. There are no published "national statistics" that compare apples to apples, in which the same survey was done at the same time school by school. Schools don't even agree on the definition of binge drinking. So when someone tells you that School A is above or below the national average for binge drinking s/he is most likely adapting statistics to serve an agenda.</p>
<p>My advice would be for your son to visit, overnight -- any day of the week that suits him. Try to talk to current students and families. You will get a feeling of whose opinion you can trust and whose judgment and standards are most like your family’s. You will also get a sense of what’s most important to your son and your family. All choices come with tradeoffs; there will be elements he likes and elements he doesn’t like at all. It’s a matter of personal preference and, of course, fit.</p>