French Speakers: Can you help translate this for me?

College Confidential Community
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<p>Hello. I'm reading some of Pushkin's tales and it appears that he has epigraphs written in French at the start of some of his chapters. I've used Google translator and have gotten rough sketches of what he's trying to communicate. Please help me? </p>

<p>"Il para</p>

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<p>May I have your French fries madam?</p>

<p>No way man, these are my fries!</p>

<p>You are an idiot, deranged man! I was willing to pay.</p>

<p>Sorry, but it is against my religion.</p>

<p>Done!</p>

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<p>"It seems that you, sir, are decidedly for the lady's maids."
"What would you like, madam? They are fresher."
"You are writing to me, my angel, 4 page letters faster than I am able to read them."
"Man without morals and without religion."</p>

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<p>One of us is clearly wrong.... and it's you :p</p>

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<p>lol collegeguy......</p>

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<p>I took french in fifth grade and if I'm not mistaken (which I know I'm not!), I do believe collegeguy's translation is more accurate. So don't "lol" at collegeguy, the dude was just trying to help, not be funny.</p>

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<p>Thank you franglish! :-P</p>

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<p>nyjunior knows where it's at :D</p>

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<p>It took me time to realise collegeguy was kidding at first, and i was so confused and panicked..."wait, i haven't learned ANYTHING in French". :p </p>

<p>wow, i must be having a bad day...</p>

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<p>But, didn't you see?
Collegeguy wasn't kidding.
I guess you haven't learned anything. Sorry about your bad day. Feel free to post here: <a href="http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=339502%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=339502&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

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<p>I love French. It's so precise. No ambiguities like English.</p>

<p>And as for spelling, once you learn a few conventions, it's easy to spell words you've never seen in French. English spelling must be a ***** for foreigners.</p>

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<p>What's the difference between Swiss French and French French?</p>

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<p>^ "Swiss." /<em>comment</em>/</p>

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<p>^Good one. But really though, what is the difference? 'Cause when I was watching tennis, they were talking about it and how this tennis player named Roger Federer can speak Swiss French and they always emphaisize the Swiss part whenever they talk about his ability to speak French, so there must be some appreciable difference, no?</p>

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<p>What's the difference between American English and Australian English? Same difference between French French and Swiss. Different dialect, different accent, different colloquialisms.</p>