<p>Thats American Socialization: Beer Pong, Geeky conversation after class, Clique formation, going into a shell.</p>
<p>I don't like it.</p>
<p>Somehow, Prashant, it works! That's why foreign students are all over the campuses at American universities.....there's success at the end of the 4 years....socialization and all. </p>
<p>And there is much, much more to 4 years than beer pong and cliques. Hang in there.</p>
<p>I kinda guessed you were a foreign student, prashant. </p>
<p>Be fair. That is not the ONLY type of 'American' socialization. </p>
<p>Does your school have an international club? I think you need some help adjusting to the culture shock--which you would experience in any country.</p>
<p>I have lived in three different countries, one Asian, one European and one Australasian. Each time, I have gotten better at adjusting to the culture. it is a skill. When you find yourself saying "THEY do this" and "THEY do that"--that is culture shock. </p>
<p>It is not them at all. It is you and your attempt to adjust to something foreign. </p>
<p>So...get yourself to the international club and find out if they have any groups you can join to help you get over your culture shock. then, when youa re a senior and have heaps of friends and fun in your life--be sure to rach back and help a freshman or two.</p>
<p>I am a 24yr old college student livivg on campus....
o.k, here are my problem(s)</p>
<p>1.- I am one of the oldest people living on campus with a bunch of 18-20 year olds and I feel like I have nothing in common with them, which makes it hard to connect with people.</p>
<p>2.- Everyone moved in about a week before school started and I moved in about 2 weeks after school started so people have there clicks(is that how u spell it?) that they already established...I feel so left out.</p>
<p>3.- I'm shy by nature so it is hard to start up a conversation...i usually dont know what to say...or how to keep the conversation going when someone speaks to me
I KNOW I'M RAMBLING BUT I HAVE ALOT ON MY MIND</p>
<p>4.- I am sooooo bored, after classes all i do is sit in my room and look at t.v, read a book, or get on the computer.
-------I know....go interact with everyone...but i feel so weird trying to fit in</p>
<p>5.- My mother and cousin live in the same town i go to school in but they have full active lives so I dont expect them to spend all of their free time with me.</p>
<p>There is plenty more where that came from but I would like to handle these issues first. If anyone has any advise please feel free to drop me a message........I really need a solution to my problem(s)....Thanx all :)</p>
<p>I really feel for you, and understand how difficult it might be to try getting out onto the campus. And that you may have interests that are different from the 18-20 year olds that surround you. However, and this is the obvious answer, things aren't going to get better if you sit in your room, read a book, watch TV and play on your computer. </p>
<p>I don't know what kind of college you are at, but it has to be the case that there are things going on. Try to find some activities pursued by the more serious students; I think the age difference won't matter as much. Is there a professional organization you can join? A group that brings speakers to campus? A political or religious group of interest to you? </p>
<p>Most groups really need volunteers, so if you show up with an open mind and a willingness to pitch in and volunteer, I'm sure you'll be welcomed. By the way, its okay to get out and go to lectures, music events, or get togethers on your own. It's not easy when you're shy, but it'll help you find things that you like to do.</p>
<p>
[quote]
I'm shy by nature so it is hard to start up a conversation...i usually dont know what to say...or how to keep the conversation going when someone speaks to me
[/quote]
at 24 personality is by no means fixed in concrete. You can learn new skills and ways of thinking about things. Most colleges have counseling available, either 1:1 or small groups. If you're not happy with your life, and reading thru the lines I'm guessing you're not, then you should make a beeline towards these resources. Not only that, but colleges have clubs, interest groups, etc. If you take part in them you'll be spending time doing things rather than sitting in your room alone thinking about what you don't have.</p>
<p>Things don't get any easier when you're out of college and not surrounded by people more or less your age and in similar socio-economic circumstances; once you start working the guy in the office next to yours might be your dads age, the guy down the hall might be in his 30's and married with young kids. What I'm saying is don't wait/hope for things to change; take the bull by the horns and MAKE something happen.</p>
<p>Just because you are an undergrad doesn't mean you can't mingle with the grad students. Hopefully there are grad schools on campus? Chekc out their bulletin boards for party postings and think aobut studying in their libraries etc.</p>
<p>They will all understand why you need a place with older students.</p>
<p>Go wander around a self-help section in a bookstore. There are books about how to start and maintain social conversations. One good hint I have read is to start a conversation about precisely what is going around you at the time. I really enjoyed the lecture today; did you? It's great that so many people showed up for this meeting.... Any sort of comment about your surroundings will do. Just don't start a conversation with a question; it's a bit too abrupt.
For some people, being social is entirely natural; other people need some hints. Take advantage of books and counselors to get those hints.
If you're on the same college campus with those youngsters, you do have something in common with them--the whole experience of being where you are and doing what you're doing. That's the stuff of which conversations are made, at least to begin with. And if they then ask you why you're there at your age, have an answer for them.</p>
<p>Since you feel shy about mingling with people, maybe a job with the tour-giving group on you campus might help. They also help with open house events. I have seen these groups on every campus we visited. Not only will you meet other current students who are inherently friendly and want to interact, it will also give you practice talking to tour groups. And those on the tours will be hanging on your every word, which will bolster your confidence. I don't know where you go to school, but I'm including a link to the group at my son's college...they seem to be a lively bunch! I'm sure such a group exists at your college, too!
<a href="http://www.pathfinders.pitt.edu/%5B/url%5D">http://www.pathfinders.pitt.edu/</a></p>
<p>that's kinda strange that she didnt have any interests, hobbies, or friends in high school
she needs to work on getting some of those</p>
<p>Quotes from prashant:</p>
<p>"I am a freshman and fall into your blues category only that I am not unhappy and guilty about it. What everyone must understand is that everyone got their own life at college. Its like living in 110 story New-york appartment where you don't know your neighbors but you also dont give a damn about them. Same. Don't give a damn about anyone. I am in this college for 7 weeks and I don't know half of my dormies(we are 20 in the dorm). I don't even know where my roommate is from. What the doughter of 2girlsmom should do is that not to feel guilty for lonelyness and not to seek assurance on peer group. Seeking assurance in a peer group at college can be disastrous because college is not high school. U gotta be socially indipendent, do your work, and and don't care abt anything else. Its Ok not to have any friends in college. I still don't know anyone to say hi.</p>
<p>College is no place to get lonely. Its place to work. But if you feel too lonely then, just go to pool hall/ tennis court and pick a game or do something. Or go to gym. Or if you are unatheletic type get an on-campus job over your free time so that your thoughts won't devour you. If you start eating yourself out because no one talks to you, then college life can be miserable. No one is here to talk to you. Its no place for high-schooly 4 hour chat with friends over popcorn. Everyone got their own work. Yes it can be hard for people who are used to large peer gruop in their high school. But this is the thing "adjusting" means.
Most of the American adults are single and also lonely. College is first step into Adulthood. So savor your independence and freedom and lonelyness that comes with it.
Large parties every weekend with intimate friends in college is just a piece of semi -urban legend. Don't try to turn it into reality. You will eat yourself out.
I am not saying that you be antisocial. Sure, help other people. Pick up a conversation. But its also good to concentrte over your academics than chatty/baccanalian "socialization." "</p>
<p>First of all, the claim that most American adults are single and lonely can be easily disproved by using Google. The statistics I found show that about 51% of American adults are married, and only 14% live alone. So much for that! Just do a fact check before you make a claim like that, please (even a very superficial one, as I did. Feel free to find other stats that can refute mine, as I said I just did a quick Google.). </p>
<p>Another thing: you clearly are not completely happy with your loneliness, for you describe various remedies for it ie. Going to the gym, do something so that your thoughts wont devour you. etc. Did you pick those tips up from a friend? Seems difficult, considering the fact that you apparently have no friends and that anyone capable of giving tips on enduring loneliness would also be friendless. So you cant possibly claim to not be unhappy about your loneliness, or at the very least, to have been profoundly unhappy about your loneliness in the past. If you dont know where your roommate is from, then clearly youre not heeding your own advice, namely to not be antisocial, which means to pick up a conversation. Youve never managed to pick a conversation with your roommate yet? So then, are you antisocial even by your own definition of the word? </p>
<p>Its true that college is the first step into adulthood, and yet you feel that adjusting to adulthood means becoming single and lonely. If my statistics can be trusted, then youre obviously wrong about that. Of course, everyone should enjoy their own company I happen to enjoy mine more than many other people do. But Ive only once been in a position where I had no friends. It was miserable, and I look on that year (7th grade) as the darkest time of my life. Im disgusted by the memory of it! I decided that the next year, I would get friends and do my best to be social. It took a little while, but I found at least 3 really good friends, I have devoted considerable time and energy since then into developing my social skills. It has paid off enormously, as I am many times happier than I wouldve been otherwise. </p>
<p>Adult life cannot be lived alone, and so college is the time when one learns for the first time to actively seek out people to talk to, in the absence of family/friends close at hand.
Sure, college exists for people for people to learn, and that being the case, they must work. But work is hardly the be-all-and-end-all to college. At college, as anywhere else, one needs to think, grow, make friends all the things necessary to leading, not just a life, but a satisfying life. Humans are social animals, and I have not yet heard of loneliness as part of the Human Condition (or even the American Condition). Working or rather, thinking and studying, is a step towards leading a satisfying life, but no more so than socializing. Theyre both essential to the healthy Human mind. </p>
<p>BTW, I'm also a college freshman. And don't say I don't know how to work, either, as I'm at an Ivy League school.</p>
<p>Yeah, I got the major blues. I am really hating college right now, I keep missing high school and I am so stressed out here. I many times just feel like nuking the whole %(#@ing campus and killing everyone there, I hate college so much.</p>
<p>I am transferring out of college because I feel like a 60 year old with a bunch of toddlers. The people are just so rude at Mount Union and disrupt the hallways in the dorms all the time. Nobody controls it either. I've lost 20 pounds due to lack of sleep which turns into sleeping through meal times. My grades are awful (I was a straight A student in high school who now has a D in something) and I have a countdown for going home already.</p>
<p>It sounds like Mount union was a mismatch for you- only 48% of students were in the top 25% of their high schools- a school that has a higher SAT/GPA average may give you more of the student body where you would feel more comfortable.
There are many, many colleges however- and I know you will find one where you feel more comfortable- no shame in transferring- my daughters school even has students opting to transfer from Columbia for social reasons. ( similar student body- but apparently the social life is different)</p>
<p>For the architecture thing, what about David Childs? Didn't he get a BA and then a masters degree from yale, not a BArch? He is designing the freedom tower. I'd say thats pretty damn prestigious.</p>