Freshman, feeling depressed/looking to transfer, need advice...

Student Lounge College Life
1

I just got back from a six-week break and I’m feeling super depressed.

I go to a small LAC in the Northeast with about 2,000 people and I’m really struggling right now. Since getting to the school in August I’ve been feeling unfulfilled and dissatisfied. I attributed the way I was feeling to the emotions college freshman typically go through and thought they’d pass with time, however, I just started up my second term and they still haven’t gone away. Greek life is humungous (I’m not looking to join a sorority), the school definitely leans a little more conservative, a lot of people at this school come from money/have trust funds, and the surrounding area is riddled with crime and poverty, meaning I feel trapped on campus and that is an absolutely suffocating feeling. When I was touring the school last year, they downplayed their Greek system and surrounding area, which made me feel better about applying to and attending the school, however, I now realize they intentionally downplayed the more negative aspects of their school.

I’ve been doing very well in school and managed to maintain good grades in my first term but I’m feeling super depressed at this point and feel like my grades will dip this term as a result of my disillusionment with the school. I also haven’t really struggled to make friends but I feel like a lot of the friendships I’ve made are superficial. I took the advice of columnists, other struggling college students, and articles online by joining a bunch of clubs and attempting to put myself out there. I currently play club rugby, I’m in my school’s pride club, and I also work with my Minvera Council as the email coordinator (a Minerva at my school is an alternative to a sorority/fraternity), yet the friendships I’ve made through them aren’t substantial and fulfilling for me. Just yesterday my boyfriend and I broke up, which definitely needed to happen as I’m gay, yet still haven’t fully accepted that part of myself and haven’t come out to anyone yet.

I’m setting up a meeting with my school’s psychologist today as a last-ditch effort to see if I can make this situation work. Transferring would be a huge hassle for my parents (I have a twin currently enrolled at another university and a brother who’s just 2 years younger than me and just starting to look at schools). My family isn’t hurting for money but we’re not extremely wealthy either. I also feel like I’ll be disappointing them if I tell them how miserable I am at the school and that’s the last thing I wanna do.

So, all in all, I had a pretty dismal first term and it’s been a pretty crappy start to my second term and my feelings about the school haven’t changed. What should I do?

2

“Just yesterday my boyfriend and I broke up, which definitely needed to happen as I’m gay, yet still haven’t fully accepted that part of myself and haven’t come out to anyone yet.”

  1. You have stress because you are hiding a big part of your self
  2. You broke up with your boyfriend
  3. You can’t get support about the breakup because you can tell your family

Why would transferring be a huge hassle? The only issue would be if you have a merit scholarship at this college and you wouldn’t at the next.

It is better to wait a semester, or transfer than to go back and do poorly because of depression.

Keep talking to your psychologist! I am glad you reached out to one.

3

Pretty sure that you are a student at one of two LACs. If I am correct, then you should transfer. Consider Smith College or Mount Holyoke.

4

Thank you for your advice!

I’m just concerned about the financial aspect of the transfer. My family definitely isn’t hurting for money but they’re currently paying two tuitions and soon they will have to pay for three. I did get a merit scholarship at my current school but the schools I’m looking to transfer into are significantly harder than the one I’m currently at, so I feel like I might not get any aid in the merit department, so that’s sort of why I referred to a transfer as a hassle for my family. Is it true that it’s easier to transfer into schools? I heard that somewhere and I’m not quite sure if it’s true or not. Any advice in regards to that would be appreciated as well!

I just finished my appointment with my school’s psychologist. It was super therapeutic and worthwhile. I’ll definitely keep going!

5

I’m glad to read that you are trying to work it out where you are. However, if you don’t end up bouncing back some and still want to transfer, you could consider a less expensive option such as a state school. It may not be your ideal but may make it easier for your parents to deal with if you have a financially viable options as an alternative.

6

Tackling the issue head-on with a psychologist is a great approach, and I’m glad it’s lining up for you. If you’d simply jumped to a new school without unpacking all the issues you’d likely be facing the same problems and adding a financial stress on top. Best of luck, keep your head up and your feet moving.

7

It’s not necessarily the case that it’s easier to get into a school as a transfer than as a freshman. That really depends the school. You can look up transfer admit rates, and freshman admit rates, to get an idea. This doesn’t mean that you can’t get into these schools as a transfer, btw.

I agree that transferring is a good idea. If I were your mom, I’d like you to look at schools that are gay-friendly, so that may be something you want to make a priority. I’d like you to be able to be out at your next school, and have it be a warm and welcoming environment for you. Wouldn’t that be great? It’s truly possible, so do your research.

If you would like another small or midsize LAC-style school with little to no Greek life, a good social scene on campus, a nice town/area around it or accessible to it, good academics, in the northeast, and gay friendly, you could look at Smith, Mt. Holyoke, Oberlin, Emerson, Vassar, Sarah Lawrence, Bowdoin, SUNY New Paltz, SUNY Purchase, Clark U, Simmons, Bennington, Bryn Mawr. If you don’t mind larger schools, you can look at UMass Amherst, Brown.

It can be “easier” to get into women’s colleges than into comparably ranked co-ed LACs, because the people who apply to the women’s schools tend to be self selecting - they are strongly interested in this type of school. So if you fear you wouldn’t get into a comparable co-ed LAC, you might get into Smith, for example.

8

Thank you so much for your advice! I’ll start looking at the transfer admit rates for some of my top schools in order to gauge whether or not I have a shot to get into them.

I have to unpack these issues so I won’t face the same problems at the next school I attend, so I definitely plan on being out at my next school. I’m looking into Wellesley, Bryn Mawr, and Smith as possible transfer options. I think it would be a lot easier to be myself at any one of those schools.

Again, thank you so much for your advice!

9

Just started your second term, and the feelings haven’t gone away… You JUST got back. You JUST broke up with a boyfriend, but are not out as being a gay woman. No wonder you don’t feel satisfied. You have friends, but you feel the friendships are superficial. You can’t expect deep friendships to form after a relatively short time in college, especially if you feel that people don’t know the real you. I can’t see how transferring is going to help, honestly, unless you strongly feel you should be at an all women’s college.

Why did you choose your current school? Focus on those reasons before you go through the steps needed to transfer. And talk with your parents, because they are paying the bills and maybe the aid they received is really good and will be hard to get elsewhere.

I suspect you may need to be honest with those close to you about your sexuality. Is it possible that you will feel a burden has lifted from your shoulders by speaking to those you love?

10

please, pleeease do not be afraid to tell your parents you’re struggling. i guarantee your parents will prioritize your happiness over the disappointment (you think) they may feel. that is what matters to them because you’re their child.

as you’ve probably already heard, the grass is not always greener on the other side. i know the school you’re currently attending (the word “minerva” gave it away, lmao), and i know that these…

are not uncommon complaints from kids who are wanting to transfer. it seems like your suppressed sexuality is starting to become a problem (may i dare say the root cause of your current conundrum), but i’m not going to tell you to try and come out, especially if the student body leans more conservative (i only say that because i, personally, wouldn’t want to come out in a conservative-leaning environment, but to each his own).

i think transferring sounds okay, but keep in mind that transfer acceptance rates are typically low, especially at schools like bowdoin and bates (both ~3%). i definitely recommend smith, wellesley, and bryn mawr. maybe check out vassar, barnard, and connecticut college as well.