Hello everyone.
I am a current freshman student attending a school in the East Coast when I am originally from the West Coast. In all honesty, I am not happy. It has been nearly 2 semesters and I find myself growing more and more empty everyday. I thought it was a case of freshman blues and it would go away after joining organizations. However, I am now in a frat and multiple organizations and I still find myself unbearable empty and miserable everyday. I found an article online that best describes how I feel:
“Each night as I would climb into bed, I felt more and more lost. Then I would get pissed at myself for feeling lost. Sometimes, in a single moment or during a single night, it feels like it’s getting better. But then I’m back in my bed, thinking about how even if I go home, nothing will ever be the same. Not even the thought of sleeping in my own bed gives me comfort. I’m just telling myself, “After this semester, you’ll love it,” or, “If you join this club, you’ll find your place.” But I thought I knew my place. And to make matters worse, when I’m honest with people about my experience so far, they all look at me like somehow there’s something wrong with me; it’s hard not to feel like there is.”
I have honestly never felt more sorrowful than now. I thought this feeling of loneliness and sadness would go away by making countless of friends but it just seems to grow stronger. I have lost interest in everything I had used to enjoy and eating makes me want to vomit. I have lost over 12 pounds since the start of college and I wake up at night with an overwhelming anxiety and a urge to cry.
I want to start over. I want to move back to the West Coast. I do not know what to do. I feel so guilty to feel like this when my parents are doing whatever they can to support me. But I do not think I can survive another 3 years at this school with a steady mental attitude.
So finally, what I want to ask is for advice. What do I do? My sister tells me to come back and start over at a community college to be able to transfer to my original dream college, USC, in my junior year. But I’m so scared and a part of me is telling me to stay and endure it with the hopes that it might get better. I don’t know the first thing about the transfer process and I am so so so scared.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. Any kind of advice would be great.
I would recommend going to the student health center. Let them know how you are feeling and see if they can help. Also, when feeling bad, it’s not a good idea to make big decisions. Take care of your health first, then you can figure out the second year.
Hello @InNeedofHelp117, it’s so awful to feel this way and thank you being so honest. Being in that “between” place where you are trying to find yourself and ‘your people’ is very hard and to top it off, you are far from home, where it was very safe to fail and regroup. I would suggest that if there is a counseling office on campus, to find that space ‘to regroup and weigh your options. Find out what it would take to transfer out, and begin your hunt for a new environment. This place of ‘transition’ is always uncomfortable because of the nature of change. You can’t truly ever go back to the place where you started completely because you have a year under your belt at this college and like it or not, you’ve grown (congratulations). So many times, I remember looking back at the door that I just walked through with longing for a simpler way or easier truth or that sense of comfort where it’s safe to fail or regroup. Take it easy on yourself, and congratulate yourself on the ability to take the risk of attending this school. "You took the risk, you are the braveheart in this story. Take heart and find the counselor who can help you navigate your way to the right place. You have shown your strength of character by admitting you tried and realized you have other needs that need to be met and are willing to take action. Life is great and if anything, I give you permission to press the "restart’ button and begin your new beginning! I say 'Peace to you" and the journey of a lifetime begins with the next step. I truly believe that you will feel better once you begin to act on your 'gut feeling" that this place isn’t for you and step forward into your future. It’s ok to be where you are and feel the way you do. I will pray for you too! Peace, going4three
Definitely go to the counseling center ASAP! It sounds like you are facing some depression. They can help you pinpoint whether it is situational or something more clinical that would follow you elsewhere and how to deal with it. If you decide you need a break to weigh your options and work on your mental state, you can always take a leave of absence from school.
Have you told your parents about how you are feeling? As a parent, I would want to know if you were my child so that I could provide support and love.
You’ve got a long life ahead of you. If you decide to take a break or take another path, it’s not the end of the world. You do have options. Your physical and mental health should be a priority.
Your first step: Head over to the counseling center first thing tomorrow morning and ask for an appointment as soon as you can get one.
Best wishes and be kind to yourself!
One more thought, speaking from a parents’ point of view: Your parents desire above all, that you are happy and content. Be honest with them and talk about your situation when you are able. They will work for your happiness, they desire to see the light of happiness shining from your eyes, excited about what you are learning and pursuing your passion and pathway for success. You are early on in your journey and this is just a small bump in the road. Failing forward is a good thing! If you feel that you can’t introduce the subject via a phone call, then write them a letter explaining how you are feeling and the gratitude you have for all of their hard work and that given all they have done for you, it is imperative that you are honest about your situation and what plans you have going forward. Your growth and maturity in this will ease their hearts and they will work with a will to help you through this. YOU GOT THIS!
@going4three Thank you so so much for taking the time to write such a meaningful response. You have no idea how much your words impacted me today. I honestly cannot explain how grateful I am. Sincerely, from the bottom of my heart, thank you
@doschicos I will go to the counseling center as soon as I can and be more open with my parents. Thank you so much for your advice.