Hello everyone,
This is my first post ever on College Confidential. I am reaching out to ask for advice because I am really having a difficult year. I just started at what I thought was my “dream school” this fall, about five hours away from home. I am student athlete who dreamed of playing my sport in college, and my school has a very strong team, one of the top programs in the country, which accounted for most of the excitement. I’ll admit that I put way too much priority on playing in college and not enough on actually finding a good fit for my interests when I chose this school. About two weeks into getting here, I acknowledged that I just didn’t feel “right” at college. I have felt that way ever since. I was constantly exhausted by an intense practice schedule, and was really looking forward to the season ending so I could reevaluate how I felt about playing in college. This was huge shock for me and my family and friends because my identify has always been wrapped up in my sport for almost ten years. It was just making me so miserable it didn’t even seem worth it anymore. I thought that things would be better when I had more time to relax and focus on my studies. However, its been even worse. I am incredibly bored all the time, but I don’t have the motivation to “put myself out there”. I am not a drinker and I have been struggling with keeping up with the social scene here. It’s a prestigious school, but it doesn’t have a ton of activities (no greek life, intramural sports etc). My school is beautiful, but its in a very unsafe area and I don’t feel comfortable going off on my own outside of campus and exploring, so I feel trapped. I have not made any friends, it just seems like too much work right now. I don’t feel like investing anything else into this school because I am unhappy here. At first, went I would go home, I would feel much better, but now even when I’m home I feel terrible and depressed, like no matter where I am I will always feel isolated. I am definitely depressed, and I have sought help at my schools mental health center, but so far I have only been able to go once this semester because there is such a long waiting list. I also know that there is nothing “wrong” with me mental health wise, I was very happy and successful in high school, it’s just my current situation that has got me feeling so terrible. My parents are doing their best to help but frankly are exhausted and tired of dealing with my problems (and I can’t blame them one bit). I was very, very close to them growing up (especially my mom) and it has been really hard for me to process that I have to “grow up” now.
Another significant issue is that my school does not offer any majors that I am interested in. I chose my sport over EVERYTHING, including what majors I was interested in. I would like to be closer to home (Boston) and I am a huge animal lover and would have liked to have studied zoology or animal science, which isn’t offered at my school. The closest thing I can take is Biology which is a little less “animal specific” as I would want, and I am also not a strong math student, which worries me as I know biology has a lot of math prerequisites. I am honestly just not interested in any other programs my school has to offer, because I really want a career with animals.
What should I do? I am highly considering transferring but don’t know where to start. I don’t want to end up just as miserable as I am now at some other school. Thank you for reading and I really do appreciate the help.
Hi!
You’re doing so many things well right now, including reaching out for help. Good for you.
It seems like you have many things converging at once–
- Your sport schedule seems to exhaust you with the demands of college courses
- Your classes are not interesting to you, and I can see why if you’re exhausted from sport
- You may be homesick too, as you were close to your parents
- Finding new friends must be compounded because of your busy schedule.
- And you’re confused about which direction is “forward:” and how to get there, especially when you love animals and there are no animal courses to be had.
That’s a lot to deal with! And you’re doing very well thus far. I would feel really crappy, too, frankly.
If you were my child, I would probably work with you to figure out how to relax your schedule a little bit. Freeing up time would allow you to find people and things to do that better suit your interests. Can you take one less class next semester? Can you take only easy classes? Can you take one class pass/fail to free up some time? There may be other options. Can you give up sport if it no longer interests you?
Second, I would see what activities you could add that suit your interests.
- You love animals and your school doesn’t have specific courses on animals. You’ve probably already thought of this, but have you looked at the list of clubs or social organizations on campus? There may be one that’s animal oriented.
- Also, maybe check with the Career Center and see if you can add a part-time internship to your schedule, maybe at a nearby animal shelter or vet, shadow someone for a few hours, such as at a wildlife rescue center nearby. Even a few hours a week would get you into something that you love and would get you away from campus a little bit into the broader world.
- Some colleges have therapy animal programs. If yours does, maybe you can assist with that. Some colleges also allow students to bring therapy animals into their dorms. You may want to see if your college allows that and if yoiu can adopt a small dorm-friendly animal, like a bunny.
Third, see if you can join a few clubs on campus that are not animal oriented. You may have other interests. It’s a great way to form friendships.
Best of luck to you.
I am really sensing that you have given up. You should go right to the counseling center and make an appointment immediately. The fact that even being home doesn’t make you happy really does sound like depression. Counselors are there to help you. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be happy.
What you are going through is not uncommon. Ask yourself this question: What if you had no option but to stay? This is just hypothetical. Would you then put some effort into it? I truly do not believe that it’s impossible to make friends at any type of school. There are other kids on campus who are not into partying. Have you tried volunteering? I suspect those who volunteer are probably quite welcoming.
It does sound as though you might need to transfer though. So just start making a list of colleges that offer animal sciences. Get your ducks in a row. You will probably need some prof recommendations, and you will need to get transcripts sent, etc… The transfer app deadline will probably be sometime in mid-March. So you have plenty of time to get started. If you really can’t take anymore, leave school, and maybe take some classes at CC. If you transfer to a state school with an animal sciences program, you will likely be able to transfer all or most of your credits.
Finally, talk to your parents, because they will want to help you. You are lucky to have learned a valuable lesson at a young age-- thinking about your future is an important step to becoming an adult. You will look back on thsi time and realize that it wasn’t fun, but perhaps it was necessary. Make lemonade out of lemons. You will get through this and it will work out as it’s supposed to, but you need to be proactive and make things happen.