Hey so this is my first time posting on CC simply because I am completely down and don’t know what to do with myself.
I go to a top 14 (US News Rankings) institution as a premed. However, once I have gotten to college, absolutely nothing has gone right for me. I have always had really high aspirations for top 40 type medical schools but here are my grades that I have gotten in freshman year:
1st sem:
Sociology - B-
Writing - B
Calc 1 - B-
Chem - C-
2nd sem:
Calc 2: D-
Programming: C-
Physics 1: C (estimate)
Chem 2: B (estimate)
I have good EC’s and research so far.
My gpa I think will come out to around 2.3 or 2.4 by the end of this year. First semester I had a very rough transition to this school, which is over 12 hours from my home and I simply couldn’t find the maturity and independence needed to succeed in this type of competitive atmosphere. I went home over winter break and talked to my parents about the situation and felt like I could come back and suddenly fix everything, so I overloaded on 5 STEM classes. Needless to say, that was a completely terrible decision, as I have studied and studied and studied and still haven’t been able to do well in any of my classes. I don’t understand this, because I study more than almost everybody I have seen here, yet they all still manage to do better than me in everything.
This has taken an immense toll on me mentally, as all I have ever wanted to do is go to a good medical school and become a doctor, however I really don’t think I can see that happening anymore after how much I have messed up my undergraduate career. At this point, I am just really depressed and don’t feel like I am worth all the money that my parents have been paying. I feel like I have completely and utterly let them down and I don’t know how I can fix that.
Looking towards the future, I am planning on going biomed engineering and continuing to take premed classes at least for the next semester to see if I can do better. (I am choosing this route because if I have another terrible semester, then at least I will be able to get an engineering degree and have a good job. It is also one of the only majors that requires a lot of credit hours that would help pull my gpa) However, my chances of med school look bleak, as my calculations show me that I would basically need all A’s/A-'s for the rest of my undergraduate career to pull to a 3.6/3.7, which I really can’t see happening at the state I am in right now. I used to have some confidence in my abilities, but I feel no self respect anymore, I think I am just the biggest loser here.
I am just looking for advice at this point on what I can do to fix my situation, and whether I still have any chance of a good medical school. I am an Asian male so I definitely don’t have that going for me either, especially since there are so many that are completely perfect up to this point.
I am taking two stem classes at my home institute, which is a very good public school, over the summer, hoping that I can learn effective ways to do well in classes and try to carry that over to next year. My only glimmer of hope is that this works and I am able to raise my grades, however after studying this much and still doing terribly, I just don’t know anymore.
All that I do know is that I want to go to a good medical school and I am willing to do what it takes if that is still possible.