<p>nemom, you have hit it fairly accurately. Son does feel that most of the students are products of private prep schools (north and south) and he comes from a public high school where very few end up at private U's or LACs. He shied away from larger schools originally because he likes the close relationships with profs (and has gotten that at this school). He feels the education he is receiving is top notch and is trying to weigh that against his happiness level. I think fall break will be the decision time for preparing transfer applications.</p>
<p>What I have tried to impress upon him is again it's his decision. But this is the deadline time and what he decides, he'll have to live with and make up his mind to make the best of it wherever he is.</p>
<p>mkm, I had a hunch that this might be the problem, or at least part of it.</p>
<p>"He shied away from larger schools originally because he likes the close relationships with profs (and has gotten that at this school). He feels the education he is receiving is top notch and is trying to weigh that against his happiness level."</p>
<p>I think that one can get a top notch education, and still have close relationships with professors at many schools. I did not think that this was possible at larger schools either. My son is at JMU, which has 15,000 undergrads, but it is a student centered school. That means that professors are encouraged to focus on their teaching, rather than focusing mostly on research. The focus is on the undergraduate student. My son has been able to meet 1:1 with his professors, and they email their students regularly. One professor sends out emails daily (often 2xs/day). He is not in any large lecture halls, although he had the option of picking classes with large lectures (strictly his choice). This mid-large school blends some of the best features of an LAC with strengths of a large university. For example, the professors care and are within reach when a student wants to contact them. My son has chosen classes where one actively participates, and attendance is taken in several classes. My son is not being taught by any TAs. Outside of class there is little pressure to participate in anything that one does not want to (ie:frats-small % of students are involved in this), and there are so many choices of clubs and activities. My point here is that small is not necessarily better (I used to think that, but I was so wrong). Lastly, I think that happiness at school is very important. I wish your son all the best, and I am sure that he will find a school where he can find quality teaching, and be happy socially. Best of luck!</p>
<p>My S is very happy at a LAC. He did not visit the school until after the acceptance letter arrived. We were very surprised that this school was one of the final four he seriously considered as it is way smaller than he originally wanted. He likes his roomie a lot and is very involved in many sports and musical ensembles. Says two classes are hard and other two are relatively easy; I wonder if he will be in shock following midterm exams, papers, etc. Biggest complaint: he is not near dining halls for lunch two days a week and his using up his flexible points very quickly. He has been playing lots of sports and watching his diet but says he feels bloated (alcohol?????). Also says that lots of freshmen have cars -- we said no to that until we see semester grades and perhaps after spring break.</p>
<p>For those whose kids are having difficulties, I'd like to send some big hugs and some comments based on what other posters have said.</p>
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<p>This could have been my D's frosh year to a T. Great academics in Honors Program, but a party/Greek/clothes n money attitude, and little intrinsic interest in learning for its own sake among her classmates.</p>
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<p>D also vacillated back and forth about transfering or not. She was finding ways to make it more bearable; programs to join, study abroad, etc. But at the same time, the idea of going back never made her happy. We too decided that "enduring" was not the aim: thriving was, feeling energized by being there was, being challenged by peers who were committed to goals more like hers was.</p>
<p>for her, transfering was the best answer. Yes, it was scary--what if things were just as bad? But she found a school which was dramatcially different from the first one, academcially, socially, and politically. And, for her, it was the right choice. She thrived.</p>
<p>Let me add, though, that transfering is not easy, and many students find their college homes at their first school, even after initially disappointing starts. it really should be a last resort. Often things work out fine without it.</p>
<p>TwoTimer and Californian,
TwoTimer's comments describe my D to a T (maybe a TT?) She has never handled transitions well and is full of complaints and criticisms about new situations which then turn out to be fine later. She is at a school which she agrees is a good fit academically/socially/athletically and I think in time she will settle in.</p>
<p>For Californian, you are honest to post here what I think many students experience. Not everyone loves it right away but many kids do "grow into" their schools by Thanksgiving or second semester. I guess what you and your D need to analyze is whether her reservations are legit and maybe the school is not right for her or if she is just missing her previous life. My D was calling home at least 3 times a day during her pre-season (coincidentally right after each practice!) and needed reassurance that it would get better, or if it didn't, she could change things. I would say that most kids should give it a semester unless there's some clear reason why it might not ever work.</p>
<p>Thanks for your comments and thoughts. D is on a plane home now -- but just for the weekend due to various family commitments. I really think that Wellesley will be a great fit for her -- once she gets over the transition, the frustration of not getting the teachers she wanted most, and homesickness. Fortunately, her roommate is wonderful and she is well prepared academically. Mostly, I know that I need to stay in the background and not intervene. Here's hoping I don't say anything stupid over the weekend!</p>
<p>Ok, so the boy loves, just loves his meal plan. 20 meals a week plus freebies at night hosted by the residential college and extras from whomever! He literally walks out his building door (which he is located adjacent to) and takes about 6 steps and is in his dining hall. He got cozy with the chief chef and they make him his burgers just like he likes them, lots of chocolate cake and his special sweet tea with biscuits. Spoiled, spoiled boy!</p>
<p>Loves, loves his gym-- works out as much and whenever he can, and loves, just loves the fab running path around campus and through. He is seeing all parts of campus. Found a prof to run with, and they have hit it off. Sweet talked some girls to do his laundry (bad, bad dog!) and keeps his hallmates entertained! He has a single so he can keep his kooky hours and not disturb TOO MANY people! He too is in a substance-free dorm.</p>
<p>So he eats like a pig, runs 8-9 miles a day and works-out in the gym 1-2 times a day.</p>
<p>He got all his books, stacked em' up real neat, and MAYBE, MAYBE he will open them. Talks to his profs at lunch sometimes dinner when he feels like bugging them (more like torturing them!).</p>
<p>Likes his classes, as much as he can! Has an honors chem course, some math class that has 15 students with a book that looked beyond strange, and some other classes that seem to suit him just fine.</p>
<p>His outside scholarships replaced his work study so know he can run even more, which lets him eat EVEN MORE!! He is in heaven.</p>
<p>Others are so excited to be at such an elite uni (his hallmates for sure), he is happy they gave him the biggest meal plan!!!</p>
<p>That boy still makes me crazy....and he's not even home.</p>
<p>katwkittens, great post. kind of reminded me of my H who, a couple of decades ago, was invited to the playboy mansion for a private event. He went. Came back. Told fun stories. So finally I asked him, now be honest, what did you like the most about the PM. I expected something about the well-built women. Or about the grotto. No, my then-future H paused, frowned with concentration and said, "you know, I really liked the free Coke and the bowls of free M&Ms all around." I married him anyway.</p>
<p>Son frosh at NYU and LOVES it- at least we get some info occasionally!-Roommates are great, food great and everyone is friendly. Likes classes- has good schedule (no friday classes) and has a great social life-he even got to see The Who at MSG with free tickets from NYU! Could not be happier.</p>
<p>That was what we husbands call an example of "matrimonial survival skills". He knew as we all would that he was hanging by a thread answering that Playboy Mansion question. If I say this I may survive. Mighty quick thinking, bro.</p>
<p>JK. I know he probably meant exactly what he said, but even then - I'm telling you the hair was standing up on the back of his head and all his senses were engaged. Survival instinct is powerful stuff. LOL.</p>
<p>I would have hit the floor in a fake heart attack so I would have had some time to think.</p>
<p>I hesitated to post because while my son is really enjoying his college, it seemed a little early for a judgement call - but after reading all the other posts, I just had to add my two cents. </p>
<p>From the information I have pulled from my reticent son he has made friends, joined some clubs including billards, midnight dodgeball, an ecology club and an outdoor adventure club. My daughter is a member of the Sierra club at her college and we were both happy to hear that son is getting involved in a similar interest. </p>
<p>I was gratified to hear that there is zero tolerance for alcohol in his freshman dorm and that has not been an issue. He got a 9 - 10 hour a week job in the student union that will provide him with some spending money. He thinks of money so little though that he wasn't quite sure how much or how often he would be paid. </p>
<p>I have been very happy to hear that he does a lot of his studying in the library and as of a week or so ago, had not hooked up the gamecube! His library has a whole quiet floor for individual studying as well as nooks with sofa's. His only complaint (and not really a big one) is that there is more reading then he expected. He's a big pleasure reader so I'm not too worried about that. All of his classes have less then 20 students and interesting professors. </p>
<p>Yes, parents of HS seniors - there is a light at the end of the tunnel!</p>
<p>For Californian: its very early. My son was miserable during orientation missed home (well maybe missed gf is more like it). Then classes started along with theater and comedy club tryouts and with each day the phone calls were happier. He likes his profs. Still no real new friends but I think thats par for the course 3 weeks into a new school.</p>
<p>I am really enjoying these posts about how your kids are adjusting to life as a freshman. It would really help to know what college/university you are talking about however. Is there something I am missing? If not, I would like to suggest just adding the name of the school into the post.</p>
<p>Our S did an overnight orientation 3-4 weeks before school started (he's attending UC Merced). We felt that would be better than the other all-day orientations, b/c there'd be more opportunity for bonding. He had 3 or 4 guys that he definitely "clicked with" during that orientation, which made his transition much easier, b/c they sought each other out during move-in day. In fact, our S couldn't wait for us to leave, b/c he "had people to see, places to go" ;-).</p>
<p>He has already changed roomates, using his RAs and the student housing dept. to effect the change as smoothly as possible (and it seemed to be the right and healthy thing to do, from what we knew of the situation).</p>
<p>All in all, he seems to be adjusting well, taking into account the newness of it all and the potentially overwhelming sense that this can be for freshmen, particularly ones not especially outgoing, as is the case with our S. He's joined several clubs; is even an officer of one, and seems to like his classes.</p>
<p>After 4 weeks, D is involved with the school paper, has found a satisfactory campus job, is keeping up with courses, gets along with roommate , likes people on her floor and has also met a few other "nice people" in courses, says food is OK but not great, does not complain about anything but is not thrilled or very excited about anything either-- any of your kids like that? Will see her at the end of the month and hope to get a better sense of how it's really going.</p>
<p>I THINK my d is pretty happy at UNC-CH, but it's hard to get her on the phone so who knows! :-) </p>
<p>Actually, she has a great roommate and suitemate and has a little gang of friends already, so I know that part is okay. She has always been a joiner, so she went out for/made the rowing team and has joined the pre-med society, Carolina Fever and couple of other clubs. She was interviewing for student judiciary (forgot the name)...haven't heard how that went. But sounds like the school involvement part is okay too. Says the food is 'awesome!', lots of salad bars and pasta which are her faves. The dorm gave her a bad cold though. (Warning...if your child lofts their bed, don't put let them put it directly under the a/c vent.) She had a pretty terrible sounding cold/cough with fever the last time we spoke. She promised to go in to the clinic...but I know she won't put off something fun for a doctor visit. I'll probably have to get forceful with her on that one. So, after moving the bed, the housing/food thing seems okay too.</p>
<p>Academics....hmmm. I HOPE she is keeping on top of this one. Her main weakness is doing toooooo much and letting grades take a hit. UNC-CH has the +/- grading system...so for 4.0s, she has to make 93 or better. Last time we spoke, she was in "4.0-land", but it is still early in the game. </p>
<p>All in all, still happy with her number one choice.</p>
<p>S has been gone for 5 weeks. I've had 2 long phone conversations with him since he left, and several short emails.
About 2 weeks ago he sounded a bit overwhelmed--definitely "challenged" by adjusting to the workload, organizing his time to get everything done, etc., frustrated, yes, but not stressed to the breaking point--he still seemed to be doing plenty of socializing. This week he sounded much happier, like he had it more together. . . I breathed a sigh of relief--that first month is so important. I feel like he's in the right place. Sounds like he has a group of guys and girls that he hangs around with and he feels like he fits in. Says he's never been hungry--and hasn't spent a cent on anything except a tip for the airport shuttle driver. No roommate issues--they're both messy and quiet and don't spend much time in their room. He's keeping up with his work, or so he tells me. One shock--my computer geek kid is taking (ballroom/swing) dancing lessons!?! Even more surprising, he told Mom about it. (I didn't laugh or act surprised so as not to discourage him. . .) He doesn't seem at all homesick--won't be home until Christmas and that is fine. He sent a lot of digital photos of school, friends, events--which was very nice since we've never seen the campus.
On this end, I'm glad to have him out of the house, not have to nag him about chores, homework, computer games, college applications, being late for work, etc. I've seen a significant reduction in the laundry pile, the grocery bill and my stress level, too. So, yes, we're all happy--so far.</p>
<p>My son has made contact now that he's back from frosh camp - he sounds happy. But I'm not..grrr. He IM'd me today and told me he'd overslept and missed breakfast with his advisor. GRRR. I'd really wanted him to sit down and talk with his advisor about the classes he's been placed in. Knowing my quiet kid, I'm worried he'll just go along with his placement..leaving him bored with room to get into trouble rather than giving him a challenge.(Part of the issue is he'd taken classes at UC Berkeley and received A+'s but the school he's at doesn't allow for transfer credit for freshmen and he has to retake everything he took at Berkeley...I'd hoped he could talk to his advisor and figure away around this) And of course, he's gone out today to have fun as part of orientation so he's not even on campus to contact his advisor today. So my kid is happy, but today, I'm not. I keep telling myself just to let go and let him handle this himself.</p>