<p>In January my friends and I went to a party. We all had the option of crashing there. I left really early, and had one drink in 3 hours because I had to drive. After I left, her and my guy friend decided to leave to "walk to the store (which is over a mile away." My friends all knew they were going to drive. No one took her keys. One the way there, she totaled her car going 25 MPH. The police took her to the hospital, long story short she got her DUI papers in the mail. She wants me to feel bad for her. Is it wrong that I feel absolutely no sympathy for her and don't want to drive her around when she has her license suspended? No, I don't think her one mistake should screw her over for the rest of her life, but I am actually still mad at her for driving drunk. I actually told her at least 10 times beforehand that I thought it was wrong that she drove drunk (she always had the option of staying over). What should I say when she starts to complain about the consequences (I told you so seems a little ...).</p>
<p>Am I sensitive or does drunk driving ... you off too?</p>
<p>Personally, I’d just ignore any of her complaints, unless it gets really obnoxious. If she does complain that much, then she obviously doesn’t see that what she did was bad. And if it’s that bad, I probably wouldn’t be friends for much longer.
It’s not like she got a dui after just being pulled over. She actually totaled her car, and had to go to the hospital. She’s lucky she didn’t kill anyone.</p>
<p>No, you’re not sensitive. Driving drunk is so profoundly selfish and can have deadly consequences for yourself and other people. When I find out that a friend has driven drunk, I might still talk to him or her, but I absolutely lose all respect from then on. </p>
<p>When my dad was young and stupid, he made the mistake of being a passenger in a friend’s car who was driving drunk. Essentially, the guy ended up slamming into a truck bed, I believe it was. It peeled off the top of the car like a sardine can and took the driver’s head with it. Thankfully my dad had the presence of mind to duck or I would never have existed.</p>
<p>It’s perfectly fine not to sympathize with her. I’m sure she knew it was wrong to drive drunk, but she chose to anyway. She has to live with the consequences of her decisions. She made her bed and now she has to sleep in it.</p>
<p>Don’t feel bad for her; it was her fault. I wouldn’t bring it up too often with her, though. The justice system will speak to her better than you ever could regarding this manner.</p>
<p>When a friend loses her driver’s license for a period of time because she had a seizure, I feel bad for her. I’ll go out of my way to help her (although because I don’t drive I can’t driver her around) if I can.</p>
<p>When a friend’s car breaks down and she can’t afford to get it fixed (and she is sensible with her money), I feel bad for her. I’ll go out of my way to help her, too.</p>
<p>If a friend couldn’t drive because she drove drunk, crashed her car, and got caught, I would feel glad for her that it wasn’t much, much worse, because it could have been. For someone young, I’d also feel glad that the stupidity of the decision was made that inescapably clear before driving drunk became a decades-long habit, because it would be easier for her to refrain from doing it again.</p>
<p>That’s what I would say when she complained about the consequences: I’m so glad that no-one was killed or seriously injured. I’m so glad that the worst thing that happened to you is being unable to drive for a period of time. I’m so glad that the car got the worst of it and that you are still okay. I’m so glad that you didn’t end up in prison because the car hit a person instead of [whatever it hit]. I’m so glad that you can still attend university instead of having to get a job to pay huge hospital bills. I’m so glad I didn’t lose you entirely: you’re important to me, and that would have been horrible. I’m so glad you’re only paying for this mistake for a short period and not for the rest of your life.</p>
<p>And I wouldn’t be interested in making the consequences of drunk driving any less inconvenient, even if I had forgiven her: I would worry that the less unpleasant the consequences of this incident are, the more likely she is to do it again. Both my parents had alcoholic parents; one of my parents is an alcoholic as well. There’s been a lot of drunk driving in my lifetime. I’d love it if the people I love who drive drunk had their licenses revoked and they had a chance to consider how unpleasant the consequences of driving drunk can be.</p>
<p>I have two friends whose nondrinking college student offspring were killed when their cars were hit by drunk drivers. I have no sympathy for your friend. I hope that her actions don’t end up killing or seriously injuring some innocent person.</p>
<p>God I hate doves. Anyways, this is nothing new. Two of my friends can’t drive for another year bcause of underages. One somehow got away with a DUI. A second friend who totaled her ca driving drunk got fleeing the scene of an accident. Those two don’t drive drunk anymore ( but when people are drunk you actually feel less drunk than you actually are, so that’s not saying much) but my other friends do. I don’t want to be the mom of the group, but seriously some of my friends just don’t get it. Someones going to ($&:@". It’s a shame someone has to end up dying for people to get it.</p>
<p>If you want the real post message me. The Chinese government just banned swear words and they’re having the thought police purge the Internet to rid the world of profanity. I guess it’s true that there no such thing as free speech in china. I can’t wait to get back on an American server so I can actually speak freely.</p>
<p>Anyway, what’s to feel sorry for? The situation could have been much worse than it actually was and she’s lucky that the car was the only thing that was damaged. She made a grave error that could have been avoided.</p>
<p>I think it’s perfectly fine to not show much sympathy.</p>
<p>The fact that she was able to total a car at 25mph and not involve anyone else is a clear indicator of at least one of these:</p>
<ul>
<li>She was way too impaired to drive.</li>
<li>She drives too badly to have a driver’s license in the first place.</li>
</ul>
<p>Taking the benefit of doubt and usual circumstances, I’d say that the first one applies in this case. In either case, it’s her responsibility to ensure both her own safety as well as those of everybody elses.</p>
<p>If she complains, give her empathy, but no sympathy. It’s OK, and even a good thing, to give good friends tough love.</p>
<p>As for the future, I guess you’ll ask them to check in their keys regardless of what they say. After all, keys are not necessary for walking. :)</p>
<p>^^
I left the party and hour and a half before everything happened. She veered off the road, onto the sidewalk, and hit one of those yellow pillars. </p>
<p>^
Evidently driving drunk is hard, considering three of my friends have been in accidents, two of which resulted in totaled vehicles. There is no excuse to drive drunk. A friend of my friends from an area high school drove drunk, flipped his car, and is now paralyzed from the neck down a couple of weeks ago. Tell them driving drunk is easy.
If you are talking about driving buzzed, that’s a different story. But in all four cases the drivers were drunk.
If you can’t drink responsibly because you have to drive, you have problems. There are plenty of opportunities to drink, you don’t need to drink every chance you get. It won’t kill you to limit yourself to a drink an hour for one night. If it does, then don’t drive. I think it’s really pathetic for people to drive drunk, and extremely immature. </p>
<p>The plot thickened this afternoon when she found out they also took blood to drug test her at the hospital. She called me at work all upset about it and I really just couldn’t respond.</p>
<p>My father would feel sympathy for her. He thinks the DUI laws are messed up. This, the man who went to jail for his what, fifth DUI (including 3 car crashed caused by being drunk), and his sons picked up the habit, and feels sorry for his friend because he lost his job because he got his sixth DUI and went to jail. </p>
<p>I agree with you. I hold utterly no sympathy. She should just be thankful she’s alive and okay, and no one else was hurt because of her extremely reckless decision. So thankful. </p>
<p>If it were my friend? I’d tell them tough *****. Suck it up, and deal with the consequences of your actions, and learn something from the experience.</p>
<p>If you don’t want to drive her around, you can always make your schedule busy, so you have a legit reason to not drive her around. That’s what I do.</p>
<p>I have no sympathy for ANYONE who gets a DUI. A friend of mine got one spring of my senior year of high school. She lost her license for a year and a half (it was supposed to be two), the cops took her car, and, as part of her probabtion, she wasn’t allowed out of the state. This made her inelligable for Notre Dame, her dream school (which had also given her a nice financial aid package). There’s also a possiblity that she can’t go to med school now. In short, she screwed up her life because drinking is the “only way” she can deal with her problems. </p>
<p>Unfortunately, she hasn’t learned her lesson.</p>
<p>^^
That sounds a bit harsh for 1 DUI. Did she injure somebody or hit another car? Was there a secondary offense? Did she have a record? I’ve never heard of such a serious penalty for 1 DUI.</p>