Yes it is!
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While it’s nice to have friends we can get together with, it’s a fact of life that our friends may move away. My best friend lives far away, and I rarely get to see her. But our friendship is important, and we keep it going even though we can’t hang out together when we don’t have anything to do.
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It really does become more difficult to meet and cultivate new friendships as we age.
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OMG, yes. I feel like making and keeping friends is the unmentionable issue of older adults. My doctor asked me how many close friends I have locally and it was so depressing…
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It’s hard for sure! I keep trying, as I encounter people who may be open to friendship. I did the same during the long wait to adopt from China, way back when not everyone had an email address or cell phone. I try to let it roll off my back when people aren’t interested, but I have made good, solid friendships even since the pandemic.
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That is an interesting question coming from a doc…not inappropriate but not typical?
Here’s what I think. There is a sector of people ( 
) that get along with everyone but often don’t have a true “friend” group. My son has always been that way as well. Everyone loved him at school, he was very active, successful, gets along with everyone…but has never had a secure friend group. Maybe we function ok without the need for that network?
I like people. I don’t always NEED people. Happy to chat, happy to occasionally meet with someone for coffee, or do a small activity with neighbors…but I don’t seek it on a regular basis. I’m not unhappy with that. I am ok with “light touches” with people.
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I think it’s different for me because I have been unpartnered for many, many years.
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I suspect that the question is related to depression screening. Not that people who don’t have local close friends are depressed - it may just be that a no prompts follow up questions.
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Or that people WITH loads of friends also can suffer from depression!!
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I have a couple friend groups, but probably not in the same vein you speak. One is sorority sisters that live in town, and we get together a couple times a year. But they were not in my pledge class, so although I enjoy the occasional outing, I don’t contact them beyond that. They are not my close friends.
I have another (4), that get together more regularly , more so with our husbands. Only one do I consider a close friend and get together outside the group.
That’s it. The only time in my life I had a friend group (6), that was a “true” friend group where we were all close, was one year in high school in South America. Very small school, and we were all from the U.S. and Canada. What fun that was. I’m still best friends with one of the Canadians and we see each regularly, the others we just keep in touch thru FB.
I have found since retiring and spending time alone, people tire me out more.
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I’m an introvert, but trying to cultivate more friendships since the nest is emptier. I have one really good friend. Our families have vacationed together for years and stuff. And another old friend/former housemate moved back to town last year so I am trying to reach out to her more. She is much more extroverted than I am and has several other local good friendships, too. I have another friend I volunteer with and we keep talking about getting together outside of that. I do want to do that, but we just haven’t made it happen yet. Have another friend I’ve known for many decades in town, too, but we don’t hang out that much. At this point it’s more like a cousin relationship or something. We will never not be friends, but we are not the hanging out kind of friends right now. We could totally call on her in a crisis, though, and she us.
I have another friend who is an extrovert with ADHD and anxiety and she is hard to hang out with. She’s the mom of a friend of my 22yr old and it’s just complete chaos at her house. Love her, but only in small doses. She also has a high school kid also with major anxiety and a rambunctious 5-6 yr old, 12 pets (some with special needs) and it’s just a lot for an introvert like me. She’s a wonderful person, but lives about 30 min away. When the kids were in school I used to be able to enjoy her in smaller doses while picking up or dropping off, but now it’s like a whole thing. We had dinner at her house the last time I saw her and I was exhausted by the time I got home.
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I have some friends like that too. Meet-in-a-coffee-shop friends or maybe in a bar.
Yeah she really prefers to have people over at her house. I do see her on Facebook at least.
My best friend here is moving away in a few days. We met through our kids and spent lots of time together at kid activities, then branched out doing things without the kids. We could call on each other to do all kinds of last minute favors. I will miss her.
I am another introvert. When I was young, plenty of people were around me all the time, family, school friends, roommates, and I took for granted life would always be that way. As a young adult, I moved to new places where I knew no one and discovered that was not so. I was lonely. I realized I had to learn how to make friends.
Now I have social groups, and in each group, one or two closer friends, real friends I can call and do something with. I do work at it. I have a new-ish job, and I am figuring out who might be a good friend. Who would come to lunch? Who might go to the movies?
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I really relate to “friend groups”.
I’ve got old friends with lots of shared experience–problem is they (me too) are getting older. Life keeps happening and not always in a positive way. We aren’t physically close anymore and health problems put a pause on activities we used to do.
I’m not “Ms. Meet Everyone in the Neighborhood” but I’m making more of a point of doing that. It’s your neighbors you may need to call on in an emergency (or just mundane things) and it’s nice to know them well enough to at least do that.
Social groups I think are super important. Not everyone needs to be a “best friend” but I’m continually amazed how members volunteer to help out when another member needs personal help. In a larger group there always seems to be people with “been there, done that, didn’t like it, willing to help”. That can be a church, social society or a club. I think the routine meetings of such groups keeps you recharged and reconnects one with the outside world on a regular basis. I’m not sure you join one to “make a best friend” but it is good to get outside yourself.
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My personal opinion is that sometimes you just have to put yourself out there. You can’t always be “private”. The real world is pretty much like CC–got a problem? Ask. Others have a lot of solutions, scenarios and love to give advice. Doesn’t always work but you will know that you are not alone in whatever you are doing or feeling and that makes life a bit easier. That’s a huge stress reliever and you’ll probably live a bit longer.
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Before this thread started, I was thinking about this. Getting out and in contact with groups regularly was beneficial to me. My (social) life has changed so much since covid. I used to have activities where there would be meetings once a week or once a month (including two volunteer activities, one of which I was particularly passionate about), a small group I’d met at a church activity I’d lunch with periodically, other friends I’d meet for lunch, and a regular walking buddy. Now none of that happens. The walking buddy moved. The rest of the world has moved on from covid, and since I still don’t do indoor dining or go to activities/meetings indoors (which they all are), I no longer have these connections.
At this point, I wonder if things will ever be any different.
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Working full time with three active kids I didn’t have a lot of time for friends. I was friends with a few other parents but mostly we didn’t have a lot in common except our kids played the same sport. I retired early (58) and I am an empty-nester. I started playing tennis again about 10 years ago and I have more friends (that I like) than I have ever had. We play tennis, do lunch, play in various tennis leagues, go on girls trips, etc… But I am afraid if I ever get injured I will lose my social life.
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I am another one that has a few different friend groups. I have one group that I have known for 25 plus years when we all worked for the same company. We get together 3 or 4 times a year and I get together with some of them individually.
I have another couple of friends that I met 8.5 years ago when I started my current job. These two women no longer work at the company, but we have remained close and normally see each other once a month.
My closest friend was someone I met when our daughters started kindergarten together 26 years ago. We hit it off right away and our families have been close all of these years. We walk and have lunch together several times a month. We also go to dinner with our husbands included once a month. We have been there for each other through some difficult times and she is definitely someone I could call at any time if I needed help or just to talk.
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My sports friends! I was not on teams when I was young so finding sports friends has been a revelation. I had a wonderful group of running friends, about six women, and we met to run (and talk, uninterrupted adult conversation!) for years. Running turned into brunches and lunches and parties and adventure trips. I moved away.
I hoped to find a new set of running friends, but instead found swimming friends. Not as easy to talk when you are swimming! Yet, all that time doing laps together has turned into friendships. I credit the time we spend in the locker room afterwards.
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Retirement communities have been a godsend for my divorced FIL. He made a ton of friends and has a schedule of weekly poker games, canasta nights, the whole nine yards. He didn’t have one lonely day in Sun City.
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