@MotherofDragons I have a late Aug kid and a early Oct kid (Sept 30 cut off). Late Aug kid when to school on time…our school even has a program for “summer babies” where you start on time, spend two years in the program, and then go to 1st grade. Even at that age I could see my Aug child was ready. For Oct kid, some people I know were pushing their kids to go that year to K…you could do private K and then have them tested for 1st grade. But I knew my oct kid was the baby in the family, and thought it would be good for her to be more of a leader in school. Turned out great, esp since she could drive for 2 full years in HS!
^^ The problem for us wasn’t academic readiness-it was social maturity. And by the time that becomes an issue they’re in mid to late middle school. She’s always been able to do the work at a high level; it’s having the maturity to sit down and actually do it that’s been her bugaboo.
For her it’s been the difference between being a straight A student and a straight B student, which is what she is. In the big picture, it’s ok and she’ll be fine in the world, but if I could go back and tell my younger self to give her another year and let her be the powerhouse kid in the class instead of the baby playing social keep up, I’d totally do it.
Don’t be so sure motherofdragons. I have an old for grade and a young for grade. The old for grade kid was the worse student. He was so far ahead of the class in the lower grades that he never had to work for his grades and did not develop that habit. The younger one, while still ahead academically, had to work a little harder for his grades and thus developed (somewhat) better study habits. One of the best students in my youngess son’t grade is a young for grade girl, another is a “red-shirted” boy. I am not sure maturity changes a student’s basic habits.
As for social maturity, that too is a double-edged sword. Kids mature at all different ages, so it can be just as hard to be the oldest, most mature as the youngest, least mature - both physically and emotionally. My oldest has an early summer birthday and a friend born around the same time (late June- early July). Friend’s mom believed that kids should not go to K until they were at least 6.5 so held her son back. He matured really early - full beard by age 16 - and so really stood out as old among his classmates. Mine was more in the middle, although socially immature. That would not have changed if we had waited.
My young for grade kid was more mature than many of his old for grade classmates, as was my old for grade kid. It did impact young for grade kid in HS sports, but who knew at age 5 that would be an issue for him. Even there, he had a great experience outside of school, which was pretty unique and would not have been available to him if we had held him back. My old for grade kid chose not to try out for the HS team, and his skills were not as good.
Just saying that you never know whether or not that decision would change who she is. I have come to realize the best solution is to have all your kids in January, so they are neither the youngest or the oldest. It is easy to blame being young for grade on a kid’s struggles, but in my own personal experiment, it did not play out that way.
I was youngest in my class, but don’t know that another year would have made much difference. I didn’t mature socially until almost 30, honestly. 
Are you sure that the extra year would have made your daughter a straight A student? Or would she have been an older straight B student or an older A/B student?
Both my kids are on the young side - one summer child and one late October child. I thought about holding the October child back but the pre-K teacher said she was ready and a year later, the K teacher said she was ready both socially and academically to move up. Yes, she was immature at times throughout her school years but when I look at the grade below, she was more mature than them. D was also a straight B high school student (in a STEM honors program). I’m happy with the way things worked out. I’m not sure what another year would have bought but I don’t think her GPA would have risen by a whole point.
My kid who started young (August bday with Sept cutoff) earned much better grades than my older, who was right in the middle (March bday). There’s so much than can affect school performance besides age.
Well, thanks, everyone, maybe I can put that particular “bad mom move” to rest. (I have so many other decisions that need agonizing over, lol).
To keep this somewhat on track, the older kid who has IB and AP classes says the IB ones have a lot more work-tons more writing, she says, but the same amount of knowledge covered as AP. She’s finding her AP classes much easier and often finishes that homework during IF (informational focus, a fancy term for mandatory study hall). Her friends who are in full IB are really struggling with the vast amount of writing and work it requires.
We all have so many potential ones, don’t we? It’s a minefield 
It really does vary. I graduated high school at 16 and loved that I had an extra year or two gift to use when I was older. I took a gap year before college and learned to speak reasonably fluent French and then took another gap year before college where I was part of a project photographing firehouses all over the country. If I’d been older I might have felt that I needed to get on with the next stage of grownup life. I never felt people around me were more mature and sometimes they seemed a lot less mature!
I think IB is hard on kids who aren’t really comfortable writing and it probably helps to be a speedy reader too. One reason my kids were less burdened down by homework than their friends is that they probably read twice as fast. (They certainly read much faster than I do.)
“One reason my kids were less burdened down by homework than their friends is that they probably read twice as fast.”
- Well, what one can do if the kid is a slower reader? We have tried, we sent D. to speed reading classes 2 times, It did not work. Did the slower reading influenced D’s academics? Only positively, while the standardized test scores were pretty consistent and predictable - Reading section score was always the lowest. Guess which was the highest - Writing / English. The difference between ACT Reading and English was whooping 7 points which was actually predictable. D. did not have any IB diploma, but her slower reading and superior and very fast writing skills continued serving her very well all thru the college and I am just guessing that reading has become faster at Med. School. Well, hard to tell as Medical examinations do not have verbal sections, thank goodness, finally!
The fact is, those avid readers will read faster, while kids who prefer writing, will be superior writers. There is seem no connection between these two. And, as you may guess, D. does not like to read for entertainment…just not her thing. While she can easily compose paper in her head doing something else and just put it down “on paper” when she has a chance to do so.
“For her it’s been the difference between being a straight A student and a straight B student, which is what she is. In the big picture, it’s ok and she’ll be fine in the world, but if I could go back and tell my younger self to give her another year and let her be the powerhouse kid in the class instead of the baby playing social keep up, I’d totally do it.” This is something that is really hard to predict at a young age and something that we also wrestled with. But I don’t think one year is likely to make this big a difference in grades, considering that there is a year’s difference between kids within a grade and after the first few years I don’t think the standout students are necessarily the oldest ones. Both my young for grade and my old for grade kids have had classes with older grade levels and they both did well in those classes. My concern was always trying to look ahead to issues of maturity–would the child be most socially comfortable in that age group, and would the child eventually be sufficiently ready to start making the life decisions that need to be made in high school and college. Very hard to predict at age 4 so don’t beat yourself up over it.
I have two D’s. One was the oldest in her grade (January b’day), one was one of the youngest side (November b’day). In the end, they both made certain benchmarks despite the difference in being older or younger in their grades: Both made the gifted program in first grade, both were accelerated for music in 3rd grade and for art in 7th grade. Both were leaders in student government in high school. Both got the leads in school plays. In the end, both made it into NYU.
There were definitely individual traits in terms of personality that made their approach to school work different. Older D is type A personality across the board. Younger D is type A about things that are important to her.
I did consider holding back younger D, but was thankfully talked out of it by her nursery school teacher. Yes, she was short, but she was more than ready for the academics that K would bring. For most children, the difference that can be seen for some in terms of their age in a grade fades by 2nd grade. I’d be surprised if age would make the difference between an A or B student in high school.
Currently reading through this thread…
I wish I’d read some of the responses from those whose kids decided to dial it back a couple notches, and STILL went to a college they liked, back when my D was a sophomore. 
Oh, well, it’s almost over.
In regard to being the youngest in the class, it makes no difference academically, but widens their social horizon considerably . Somehow being youngest makes them to related to the kids from the lower grades very easily. I do not know what is involved, but while my D. (October baby, we sent her earlier despite all the warnings from teaching community) always had many friends, many of them were actually from the lower grades, even 2 years behind. Maybe because she never cared about having friends who stress a lot about academics, she just wanted to have the ones who she could have a good time being around. All the warning about her low “kindergarten readiness” test score (that has no meaning whatsoever did not come true. not even close. She was extremely busy kid with great number of completely un-related after school activities and ended up never having a single B in her life, from kindergarten thru graduating from college. So much for not being ready for school… At 4, they do not need to be ready for anything, they should be exploring what they like and what they do not and where do they fit and kindergarten should not be an academically stressful environment that anybody should be ready for. It is pretty bizarre concept. Actually, for that matter, if one does not stress over academics, they are more successful in HS and college also. They live rewarding life full of friends and great memories and they work hard when it is needed.