<p>This is somewhat of a dark topic, but one of my common app essays is about a time in my life when I was suicidal. I was struggling with coming out as gay in a Catholic family and was going through a lot of self hate. I understand that these kinds of topics can get remarkably cliche, which is why I wrote about it a bit differently; the essay is funny. It's written in a lighthearted manner and I tried my best to avoid making it sound pitiful. </p>
<p>I've had two separate teachers tell me it's my best essay and that the topic is discussed in a very endearing, humanizing way. I'm still just a bit apprehensive because of the general warnings to shy away from these types of topics. I'm having my college counselor (who has no personal connection with me, so as to remove bias) look over it tomorrow. </p>
<p>I guess, in short, is it too risky to apply with a matter-of-fact, humorous essay about a time I wanted to kill myself? I've been told that I address the topic with enough maturity and distance that it reads as me being strong as opposed to "suffering", but still...It will stand out, certainly, but I don't want it to be for the wrong reasons.</p>
<p>Edit: I should clarify that the essay is, indeed, actually funny (according to the readers, at least). Stand-up comedy is my top EC on my applications, so I don't think the funny bits will seem super out of place.</p>
<p>If other people can write about having survived cancer, you can write about having survived suicidal feelings. If a school would reject you for that, that may be a sign that they really suck at providing resources for their mentally ill students. I’d be happy to read your essay if you’d like (which I’ve done professionally in the past).</p>
<p>The problem you run into is that colleges are loathe to admit students they think may have mental health issues – the last thing they want is a suicidal student on campus. It may seem like forever to you since this was an issue (probably has been a couple of years), but that is an eyeblink to an adult’s viewpoint. @jpheys, many schools that provide good mental health services are still wary of bringing those students to campus if the issues are known ahead of time.</p>
<p>Yes, we live in a time where colleges are fine with being out/gay but not being out/history of suicidal ideation. I look forward to a time when both are accepted. Love your approach, but consider those cautions^. </p>
<p>In addition to the sensitivity of sharing this at all, an admissions counselor may also be concerned at the attempt to joke, use humor regarding suicidality. </p>
<p>@dyiu13 and @lindz126 That is a pity. As a hopeful lit major, I would’ve wished they’d be understanding of my Hemingway emulation. I understand what you guys mean, though. Colleges may be reluctant to admit people who might flip. </p>
<p>One more thought on the potential liability of previously suicidal students: it would be different if you had a history of mental illness with no clear cause, or a runs-in-the-family kind of mental illness. But your own suicidal feelings seem clearly to have been brought on by the specific experience of having been raised to believe that it was wrong for you to be gay. I think admissions officers will not have trouble believing that you have moved beyond that worldview that you were raised with and that you are not likelier than the next person to be suicidal in the future. That’s a common gay narrative we tend to hear: first you’re closeted and ashamed, then you come out and are a beautiful gay butterfly and everything is wonderful. Of course real life is sometimes more nuanced than that, but the point is, I think the nature of your situation will strongly suggest that your suicidal feelings are part of a firmly closed chapter in your life.</p>
<p>@jpheys That makes sense. I’ll get the essay back from my college counselor and see what she has to think compared to some of the opinions here, and hopefully there’s a consensus! I appreciate your help!</p>
<p>I had my college counselor read the essay today and asked her specifically about whether or not colleges might see that as a liability. She said that the essay came off as me overcoming an obstacle as opposed to me being unstable, and that she didn’t foresee any colleges thinking of it as an issue. She also told me she would ask some of the visiting representatives next week about their opinions on sensitive issues like these and then get back to me. </p>
<p>So, in short, I’m still on the fence. I’ll wait until I hear back from those reps she’s speaking with, but, as of now, it seems as if it would be risky but permissible for me to use that essay.</p>
<p>well in the mental health field we believe it’s important to never ignore talk of suicide, so admissions counselors do become uncomfortable reading about suicide(I teach at a university) and even though you were “joking” my point was that you joking about suicide may potentially be perceived as either inappropriate/immature, or a sign that you are struggling/at risk. Maybe you could talk about the family having difficulty accepting you and your own coping with that without discussing suicide…</p>
<p>Good counselor. The question is whether this is a “suicide essay” (how you titled this thread) or simply makes reference to one moment or passing thought that works in the whole context. Adcoms will look for your judgment- what you choose to write that gives them perspective on you as a possible at their school. This is unlike a hs writing assignment, where open self-revelation is sometimes an end in itself. Best wishes.</p>
<p>What those counselors SAY to your GC might not be what they really think, or what the other admissions counselors think. I realize you are invested now with time and energy in this topic. But you admit yourself that it is risky. And… this is not the type of “risk” that usually gains you traction in the admissions process. What you have to remember is that usually all admissions officer have to go on is a bunch of pieces of paper about you, and the only ones you really produce yourself are the essays. So they look hard for breadcrumbs that give them insight into you. If this is the ONE most important thing about you that you MUST say to them, then you probably need to go ahead. If there are other aspects of your personality or things about yourself that are interesting and help them see what an unusual but positive addition to their campus you would be, go down that path instead.</p>
<p>Once you get to college, I hope you might consider advocating for the destigmatization of mood disorders. Check into To Write Love On Her Arms association. </p>
<p>Adcoms want students who can be successful at their school. They don’t want students who may need to drop out due to finance, have a hard time adjusting to new environment, not able to keep up with rigor of academic, harm themselves by using too much alcohol/drugs or commit suicide. Schools get blamed whenever students are harmed on their property, it doesn’t matter whether it is their fault or not (just look at Cornell’s reputation). I haven’t read your essay, so I don’t know about your incident, but a school’s risk manager may advise adcoms that if you could be suicidal over coming out, what’s the guarantee you wouldn’t be suicidal over too much stress at school (socially or academically). They may ask for an evaluation report from your doctor to make sure you are ready to be on your own. There was an article about a young lady who tried to commit suicide after she was raped at school, she wasn’t allowed to return to school until she was completely evaluated by a doctor.</p>
<p>If you were my kid, I would tell you to pick another topic.</p>
<p>I need to say I’ve now read it and it is clearly written by a strong and grounded young person. This very much fits the old “challenge prompt” and OP managed it with purpose, some wit, and perspective. And ends with confidence. </p>
<p>So @lookingforward, do you think the suicide reference is necessary for the strength of the essay? Because one option would be to take any references to that out…</p>
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