Gap Year before high school

Parents Forum
41

In CA, homeschoolers can file a Private School Affidavit and then do whatever they like, including unschooling. The middle school years tend to be kind of a holding pattern anyway, repeating a lot of info from earlier years while waiting for pubescent brains to mature. Even if the OP plans to put the student back in school for 9th grade, letting him spend a year pursuing his own academic interests before he gets stuck in the HS rat race of APs and PSAT/SAT/ACT prep and testing, could be a gift, not something that ruins his life and will leave him friendless and academically behind. If heā€™s gifted in math, he can take online classes from AOPS (Art of Problem Solving), which offers really challenging math courses for the type of kids who do math competitions. He can study subjects that interest him that arenā€™t offered in schools, and do an intensive study of a foreign language. Homeschooling is really not that hard, especially if youā€™re not trying to replicate PS at home.

I also disagree with the idea that a smart kid who excels at a sport should just focus on academics, not the sport. Athletic success isnā€™t just about scholarships, it can be a huge boost in admission chances at elite schools. And thereā€™s no reason a really bright motivated student canā€™t offer both academic and athletic excellence ā€” a 35 ACT, 4.0 GPA, and a top ranking in a sport will get you more admissions and scholarship offers than a 35 ACT, 4.0 GPA, and no sport. I speak from experience as the parent of a top academic kid who was also tops in his sport and whose college options ranged from full rides and near-full-rides at Power 5 schools to offers of admission at elite Ivy and Ivy-level privates.

42

I have a D that is finishing up 8th grade this week. The concept is intriguing to me for a different reason. She loves to read. It would be so interesting to see what my daughter could accomplish in a years time if she didnā€™t have school. She would probably get through hundreds of books and with her memory she would be an interesting kid to be around. If I wasnā€™t afraid of her losing some math skills I would think about it.

A couple of weeks ago in the car I said to her just think how smart you would be if you didnā€™t have to go to school. I know sounds odd but she just consumes books. I did tell her she would have to balance fiction and non-fiction.

43

@gpo613 If your only reason for not pursuing it is concern about her math skills, you could always have her do a year of reading plus a standard math text.

44

A dear friend had her son take a gap year between 8th and 9th. They treated it as homeschooling, but instead went abroad, traveled extensively, and followed a curriculum that aligned with their travels. It was as godsend for him as he was a bit immature and this allowed him to catch up. But note that they were not idling for that year!

As a kid who moved frequently, I would hate to ā€œgapā€ without being very active. A new location without friends is really isolating and lonely.

So I think you can do this, but you will need a plan that keeps your son engaged and busy for it to be a positive thing.

45

If the OP wants her son to take a gap year in order to let her son adjust to the move, mature a little, dive deeper into languages, sports, etc., I think itā€™s a good idea.

I know several families who have repeated 8th grade via homeschooling in order to give their children an extra year, and it has worked well. Homeschooling a motivated teen really isnā€™t that difficult and would give OP an opportunity to meet her sonā€™s academic needs for a year rather than following a traditional program.

46

Belle wasnā€™t an interesting character until she lifted her nose out of a book.

47

Some of the best schools for mathematically gifted students are D3, so itā€™s not like he canā€™t be recruited.
I guess homeschooling for a year might work, but heā€™ll need plenty of intellectual stimulation, not just sports. Heā€™ll need to continue to advance in STEM subjects and then heā€™ll be way ahead of most of his classmates in HS. This may make him socially isolated unless itā€™s a very strong school, and he might need to take DE classes early. This is all doable if you are realistic about the amount of work this takes.

48

OP, I wanted to throw in a vote for a ā€œgapā€ year workaround, too. Our daughter skipped a grade in elementary school because she was bored out of her mind. I was so sure it was the right decision for us, I let my son start school almost early (his Bithrday is right after state cutoff, but we placed him in private school that has its own schedule, so if he transfers to a public school, he would be the youngest in the class). Back to D - stellar academics, emotionally mature, no social problems. Only in HS, maybe grade 10, I realize that while she is still doing great academically and all the standard ECā€™s offered at her school, she still lacks the confidence to venture out from those paved roads and do something unconventional (not just because it sets her apart for others in college admissions, but because it might really enrich her life). I think she did a fine job overcoming her vulnerabilities, but it was unnecessarily stressful and I still wonder what she could have accomplished had she had that extra year behind her.

So just because everything seems to be going great now for your son, being an extra year older while in college might help him realize his full potential. An update on our son - a decision to have him as a youngest in the class turned out to be a terrible one. He is fine academically, especially in math, but still quite immature - I.e. talking out of turn, getting up from his seat in the middle of the class. So we decided we need to ā€œfixā€ this by going to Spain for a year once our daughter graduates HS next year. Will have our son repeat 4th grade in Spain with the only focus of learning Spanish, and once we are back in U.S., he would go to a public school and be one of the oldest in the class. If heā€™s bored academically - weā€™ll work with the school to have him do a harder curriculum. I know not every family can afford such a decision, but maybe a boarding school year abroad (if your son is emotionally mature for that) could be something to look into? Best of luck!

49

ā€œThe middle school years tend to be kind of a holding pattern anyway, repeating a lot of info from earlier years while waiting for pubescent brains to mature.ā€

Really? That hasnā€™t been my experience with middle school at all. I think there is a lot of academic growth during the middle school years.

ā€œbefore he gets stuck in the HS rat race of APs and PSAT/SAT/ACT prep and testingā€

There are academic choices families can make to avoid the rat race described above. You donā€™t have to follow that path to a) learn and b) attend a great college.

50

@gpo613 it would definitely not be hard to maintain math in a situation like that with an online or self pacing curriculum. Or you could use the year to shore up deep problem solving skills without moving forward in math. I have a BS in math and I have some pretty strong feelings about deeper vs faster for moving through math.

My homeschool kids have read much more literature than their average schooled peers from early elementary on. We pulled my oldest from school because it felt like a waste of time for him and he was getting a rep as class clown. He was reading Harry Potter in first grade and spent the beginning of the year trying to convince his teacher he could do fractions after hitting the ceiling of their GT test. Heā€™s always been way ahead academically but not necessarily overly confident or mature in executive function. My kids take multiple music lessons a week and do extensive and very committed extracurriculars. If you have the whole day, you can be very well read and have a lot of other interests too. They are able to do more than they would if they were attending a typical school. It isnā€™t cheap. But then again, itā€™s a lot cheaper than the private schools in our area. Itā€™s not an option for every family, but has been a good option for ours.

Anyway- it seems like the assumption on threads of this type is that a parent is doing their kid a horrible disservice. Maybe the disservice was early kindergarten and a very lock step education. There are disadvantages to being younger when applying and launching to college too.

51

However, the OP hasnā€™t indicated a willingness to commit to homeschooling. I think if that option was mentioned, the responses here would be much different.

52

Doesnā€™t sound like a great idea. Iā€™d go with just moving and sending him to school. If you went in the opposite direction, Iā€™d only do it with a sound homeschool plan and lots of money for travel (in the sense of making it a unique approach). But kids need peers. So Iā€™d need to know what the OP intends and canā€™t get from the regular programs available.

53

Well, I know 2 who did unschooling, 1 of which was in Cali. Kid currently has written 2 books being sold by Amazon and will likely end up at a great school. The other, a girl in Texas, unschooled for grades 6-12, did great on SAT for open enrollment community college, then transferred to state flagship where she re-met all those classmates she had left behind. There are many paths to success.

54

The word ā€œgap yearā€ seems to be eliciting really strong reactions from people but I will say that itā€™s not that unusual for a family to travel or do something different for a year when the kids are growing up. A family in our neighborhood with 4 (!) kids took off when their kids were in elementary/middle school for a year to travel in Australia and 2 of the older kids are in college now and turned out beautifully. And a work colleague is currently living in Swaziland with his 8 and 10 year old and while theyā€™re enrolled in a local school, i donā€™t believe the credits are going to transfer over. In both cases, it appears to be going well.

55

I see a lot of talk about academics, and very little about the emotional and social needs of a 13 year old moving to an entirely new state.

56

Iā€™m another parent whose kid started school early, and has been the youngest or one of the youngest in her class all of her school life (sheā€™s not the only skipped child in the district). Pulling a gifted child out of school for a ā€œgap yearā€ is a horrendous idea. Gifted kids at that age require structure and predictability more than other kids. Unless you can provide your child with rigorous home schooling, having him wander around the house for a year is a sure recipe for disaster. Moreover, it will make it much more difficult for him to settle into whatever grade you decide to place him after the year.

Doing this in the belief that it will help him get into college sports is even more ludicrous. Heā€™s 13, and has not gone through his major teen growth spurt, which will could change everything. My D is a dancer, and we saw the huge difference that happened to her in her teens, and girls end their teen growth spurt earlier than boys.

As a parent to a PG child who also has a major interest and talent in the physical realm, I am not suggesting that you stop or even reduce your kidā€™s activity. What Iā€™m saying is that you should not base any plans for your kidā€™s academic future on whatever physical talents they have at the age of 13.

I will also once more repeat my mantra: High School Should Not Be All About College.

Your kid is 13 and should be thinking about being 13, not about being 18. You should not be thinking about him being 18. He needs activities and interactions for a 13 year old, and, no less importantly, he needs friends from his age group. A gap year will provide none of those.

Gifted kids often have a difficult making social connections in the first place, and doing something like this will only make that worse. When things are disrupted for gifted kids, it can mess up with other parts of their lives. I am fairly familiar with the trials and tribulations of raising a PG child, and I know how easily their academic and social life can be derailed. Moving is difficult enough, and further disrupting his life by pulling him from school entirely is not a good idea.

Between middle school and high school is a good time for a kid to move, since high school is a time when kids are interested in changing their self-image, and most social groups are realigning, as the different middle schools that feed into a high schools merge, and many other parents also choose this period to move or to transfer their kids.

@MusakParent ā€œThere are disadvantages to being younger when applying and launching to college too.ā€ Maybe so (though that hasnā€™t been our experience), but that IS a good time for a gap year.

PS. The most common description I have heard from most teens regarding middle school is ā€œHellā€. Why a parent would subject their kid to repeating 8th grade is beyond me.

57

@MWolf - excellent post.

58

Going back to the first post, the question is about what problems they might encounter. The biggest problem is going to be proving that the child is on some sort of academic scheduling. And, despite its name, unschooling does involve academics - itā€™s just that the academic content is student-driven. Unschooled children also must follow the homeschool guidelines in their state. They canā€™t just play basketball and skip the math.

59

At one point I would have agreed with you, MWolf. But I have seen lots of kids in all different situations, and they are resilient. Each choice has its pros and cons. I never moved, my husband moved 18 times before college. We both survived fine.

60

I do not get the testing rat race mentioned. No need to do more than the free practice tests and take those tests when due. I abhor the pushing some parents make their kids do for every point on the SAT/ACT et al.

OP- your name suggests you come from the Midwest. Schools there tend to be as good as those in many places you would relocate to in California. Best to let your son dive right in instead of not allowing him to join his peers in his neighborhood. You would be socially isolating him just at the age he should be gaining independence from you. From the Midwest with relatives in California, I just canā€™t see not letting him start HS with his peer group. Unless, of course, you are not divulging academic problems he has had. Special needs should be addressed in CA as they were in whichever state you are leaving. Since you are presumably being upwardly mobile I expect you will land in a good school district.

btw- a gap year for a young college bound student does not work- under 18 means many jobs and travel possibilities to adults will not work and these gifted kids need more, not less, mental stimulation. As a 16 year old Tampa college grad stated in the local newspaper this month, college does not care about your age like HS does. Found college worked my only medium gifted son.

The big question. Why are you afraid? A new start can mean fitting in. Sorry for your son if you canā€™t let him embrace his new state.