<p>rmldad, the kid has barely graduated from HS.</p>
<p>I would never charge my kid rent unless I genuinely needed it to hold onto the house/apt, or the kid had been living at home long past the time it was healthy to do so and clearly needed some motivation to get his act together. And I’m talking years, not months.</p>
<p>I agree with Consolation. The kid has been home for maybe 6 weeks? Let’s say he graduated in June, went abroad for 5 weeks, so he came home in August. This is early September (!).</p>
<p>I’m impatient but even I think it would be amazingly fast if the boy had his life all in order and the gap year figured out. I thought the point of a gap year was to let a person make mistakes without consequences. Yes, you want forward progress, but let the kid get started before dinging him with punitive actions (e.g. charging rent).</p>
<p>^ Good question about what the point is for a gap year. Some students use that time working on non-school things to prep them for life (volunteering,etc). I’m not sure it’s a non-consequence free period (unless the OP treats it that way). I would not. There should be some general plan with timelines.</p>
<p>my kids took charge of their gap year. I think that made a difference, but perhaps the reason why others are taking a gap year isnt because they want a break necessarily from academics but because their aspirations are not aligned with what their parents think they should be doing?</p>
<p>Has the son used the term “gap year” or is that how the parents see it? I agree with emeraldkitty that resuming academics might not always be the goal, even for a bright kid who did really well in high school.</p>
<p>At this age, I think autonomy is important. Some kids may not jump into something constructive right away but when it does happen, it might be more solid than if legislated by parents.</p>
<p>It is a parent term almost always in my opinion.</p>
<p>Taking a year off to do nothing would not be acceptable. Most of the kids I’ve known have put together some combination of language learning and volunteering or working or outdoor learning stuff. (Au pair, NOLS, language programs, WWOOF (Willing workers on organic farms) or service projects in Africa or South or Central America).</p>
<p>a friend’s son meandered thru India for a year, then headed west, ended up at Oregon state, lasted a year. This kid will end up fine, just cannot be structured. I think he had enough of a New England boarding school.</p>
<p>If a kid is so burnt out after Hs, they need to sit back, find their equilibrium, and not put themselves into the oven again. I see kids who worked 18 out of 24 hours to get thru HS, then fail at college, when there just was not enough time to get assignments done. When in HS, they had parents to help them with projects, food service, laundry, etc., but the hours in the day are only so many.</p>
<p>Some students do not start college right out of high school. They work. I would not call this a “gap year”. This is simply not enrolling in college for any number of reasons…all fine…and choosing to work instead. This sounds like what the OP is doing.</p>
<p>When I hear “gap year” I think of a student who has decided to defer college for a year for one of a few reasons. It might be that the student wants to do something in that year to strengthen his college application potential. It may be that the student wants to explore possible career options before choosing a college. It may be because there are some meaningful experiences the student has the chance to do for the year.</p>
<p>All the kids I’ve known who have done gap years (including me and my two brothers) were already accepted at a college and deferred admission for a year.</p>
<p>There was one very notable CC student who took a gap year…because he didn’t get accepted to his colleges. During that year, he did things to strengthen his application prospects, and to retool his application list. At the end of it all, he actually got accepted at his number one choice…but he really did a well thought out gap year.</p>
<p>He should probably be working fulltime, and doing the rest in his spare time. His gap year will not get him motivated when it is more like a vacation. My husband and I both took gap years. We both went a couple years, and then took a gap year. Then we met later, after we both went back. Thing is, we both had to work to support ourselves. Our jobs, for whatever reason, just made us appreciate college more. After we matured, we went back. We were not off together, we only met later. I would also make him pay you rent. Then, just put the money in savings and use it to pay for college when he goes back. If he gets to just use all his earnings as spending money, he will never go back. </p>
<p>But I am one who also agrees that it sounds like he has been on vacation.</p>
<p>Trust him. It pays dividends.</p>
<p>I agree that the OPs kiddo has really only been home for 5-6 weeks. I would be a bit more understanding of his situation for the time being. Is he hoping to go to college next fall? If so, he should already be crafting his list of potential schools, and writing his essays. Perhaps, this would be a good use of his time IF he is planning to go to college next fall.</p>
<p>Also, you may look and see if there is an AmeriCorps in your area. He might be interested in doing something service related though an organization like that. [AmeriCorps</a> | Corporation for National and Community Service](<a href=“http://www.nationalservice.gov/programs/americorps]AmeriCorps”>http://www.nationalservice.gov/programs/americorps)
Another option may be something like the conservation corps: [Welcome</a> to ACE](<a href=“American Conservation Experience (ACE) - Environmental Service Corps”>American Conservation Experience (ACE) - Environmental Service Corps)</p>
<p>I honestly think that if he’s burned out on academics, even auditing classes may be a bad choice. Everyone is different and he may be energized by auditing, but for me, if I did not want to go to college, auditing would just frustrate me. I assume ya’ll are auditing so he can still apply as a freshman eventually? He may actually just want a different setting than a traditional college and that is what is putting him off of school. Maybe he’s interested in something with cooperative learning (the New School) or a labor based program (Berea or Deep Springs)?</p>
<p>Wow. This is a wise group. I sort of made him seem like a sloth. Here is what he is doing this semester. Writing his common app essay, doing the common app, coming up with a list of schools, etc. (with my urging…in the hopes for excitement later). The college he is taking a French class is Smith College and the he tested up into a junior level course. It is challenging and is about French Islam? Many books to read in French anyway. </p>
<p>He works two days a week at an ice cream store. He sees his therapist that he has seen for two years now since he was hit with depression and anxiety his junior year. He is better, on medication, and staying with therapy. He loved his experience in a performing arts charter school that he recently graduated from that he contacted the founder of his school who is founding another charter school in the area with a different theme. Since he is interested in education he thought that it would be a good idea to help out at a brand new (open this year!) charter school. He is tutoring there (for free) three hours a week (one day). He is a pretty successful songwriter and in a band that had been voted best band in the area a while back. They are playing a concert tomorrow night. He already studies with an amazing guitarist/musician who has been teaching him theory and composition for four years. He considers him his mentor and loves his time working with him each week. His former songwriting teacher at his high school is getting approval for him to TA the songwriting course at his old school for semester two. He just told me that his best friend’s mom, who is a principal at an elementary school with world language extended day enrichment, offered him a paid French tutoring gig for elementary students but he is not sure the hours yet (the ice cream shop might end up ending if this happens). He is also the assistant musical director of the guitar orchestra he is in. They rehearse one night a week and God knows when those performances are. sigh. He is probably going to get burnt out all over again!</p>
<p>All that said, he really was so happy exploring Senegal and one of the leaders talked to him about coming over to Nepal when she was there (which is now unfortunately) and she could set him up with a homestay, etc. He told her we couldn’t afford another trip with this awesome company but she just offered to help him find a family and we would need to come up with airfare and assist that family while he is there. She told him that she thought he had a knack for languages (which he was proud of!).</p>
<p>A part of me wanted him to chuck it all and do that! I think that many of you are right that perhaps another abroad experience (maybe after applications for college are out and he continues the commitments he has made at least through Christmas).</p>
<p>He really wants to continue his French studies so I really appreciate those who recommended French programs WITH deadlines included. </p>
<p>Money is tight because his older brother is at Williams (currently in Budapest at a math study abroad) but we could probably swing something. </p>
<p>Thanks to all of you…</p>
<p>What about music?</p>
<p>Is he applying to any music programs, or colleges with good music departments?</p>
<p>Again, the music forum here on CC is a wonderful resource.</p>
<p>He certainly is busy. The life he is leading now sounds better than any college, honestly :)</p>
<p>I suggested charging rent as a motivational and educational tool, not a punitive one. My reading of the OP sounded like a son who worked a few hours/a couple days a week and otherwise hung out at home with hobbies. He has only been home for a few weeks, but he knew last fall that this period would arrive.</p>
<p>Finallyfit5’s updated post makes clear that her son is active and engaged in his world. It does not appear that motivation is an issue and he is actively pursuing an impressive array of options.</p>
<p>Transition to adulthood is a challenging and exciting time. College is not for everyone - although if he wants to continue with foreign language instruction beyond part-time tutoring he will almost certainly need a degree. I would suggest that you not worry too much about his long-term plans, as long as he is continuing to actively explore opportunities and contributing to making the world a better place.</p>
<p>No wonder he doesn’t want to go back - even with his busy schedule, it sounds way more fun than college. He’s only doing things he’s interested in, not taking boring required classes for gen ed, etc. I’m about to graduate with a French degree, actually, and if I had his life right now I wouldn’t want to go back either! I took a gap year (year and a half, actually) and I was 700 miles away from my parents with my own rent/bills/life/etc., so they were like “We hear you’re taking a year off. Have fun with that, see you at Christmas.” I had to work full time to support myself and my animals, and because I didn’t have a degree, my options were not pretty. I ended up working food service making $9 an hour, and it was awful. It was nice to get home from work and not have to deal with homework (instead I went to the gym, which helped a ton with my depression in addition to being medicated and having therapy), but my hours were extremely long and I still barely made enough to make ends meet. Money was stressful, I hated my boss and it was a huge reality check re: the degreeless job market. The next fall, I could not get back into school fast enough!</p>