<p>“In a single-gender bathroom, the guy at the next urinal might be gay, so what is the conceptual difference?”</p>
<p>Just to be clear - as a female - it would be uncomfortable for ME to enter a bathroom where men were at urinals. SURELY this is NOT the arrangement. Conceptually - the gay guy has the same equipment - so yea - there’s a bit of a difference.</p>
<p>I have changed in locker rooms where there were lesbians (modestly and carefully - as I would do with straight women as well). Not a big deal. I would not do the same in a locker room full of men.</p>
<p>Such a thing would be redundant to existing state law, California Penal Code 314.
[WAIS</a> Document Retrieval](<a href=“WAISgate Error”>WAIS Document Retrieval)</p>
<p>I didn’t make myself clear. In my hypothesis (which may be absolutely ridiculous) “rich kids” have had enough diverse bathroom experiences that college is not a stretch. </p>
<p>I agree it is a matter of personality. Although I have had very diverse bathroom experiences, I have my own private bathroom when home. My husband asks permission to enter. We don’t have separate bedrooms.</p>
I can’t explain why there’s a difference, but to me there is. As a straight guy, I am not bothered at all by the thought that a gay guy might see me naked. But I wouldn’t want women to do so. Maybe it’s just the cultural programming.</p>
<p>I’ve said it multiple times. I didn’t have a bathroom within one suite (well I had that too other years, but it was basically a private bathroom except that in one you could easily send notes via the gap at the shared window). My bathroom freshman year was one single bath a hall of men and women. The reason it didn’t bother me was that toilets and showers were behind doors. There were no urinals. A urinal would bother me. Getting undressed out of shower enclosure would bother me. But that’s not what I’ve seen in any of the mixed gender bathrooms I’ve seen. There’s room for plenty of privacy with the bathroom, but yes you may be brushing your teeth next to guy shaving. That’s what I don’t think is a big deal. My particular dorm was small, but there were probably 16 or so people using the bathroom I think. It’s since been renovated into suites so I can’t tell from current floor plans.</p>
<p>Mathmom - Yes, I agree that’s different. Full length doors that lock on showers and toilets make a huge difference. No, sharing sink space probably wouldn’t bother me too much either. Still weird, but I’d be okay with that arrangement.</p>
<p>Hunt - right - you would assume he’s probably not by default - I mean statistically, that would be a fair assumption, but if you knew he WAS, it probably wouldn’t be a HUGE deal as long as everyone acted the way guys are supposed to act in the bathroom (no looking).</p>
<p>mathmom - Nah. I’d have a panic attack. Wouldn’t like it.</p>
<p>To be clear about the SF nudity issue, Berkeley dealt with it years ago. It is a misdemeanor which means those arrested can get a jury trial, and juries don’t generally convict if it is about political expression. Berkeley made it an infraction, so it couldn’t be contested by a jury. You can get a ticket for nudity and the result is a fine.</p>
<p>My wife had a coed bathroom at her state school freshman year. She is a bit of an exhibitionist anyway so not a big deal for her. One of the guys, though, would shower with his bathing suit on.</p>
<p>This thread reminded me of a funny story from the mid-80s. I don’t remember the guys name, but he did a very popular happy hour show at the Mill Hill Club on Cape Cod. A girl went up to the stage and asked him why he was always asking the girls to take off their shirts but never asking the guys to drop their pants. The host immediately covered his eyes. When the girl turned around, about 90% of the men in the bar were standing there with their pants around their ankles.</p>
<p>My son’s dorm voted for gender-neutral bathrooms on his floor. He is fine with that as am I. I don’t know how the bathrooms are configured as I have not seen them. I think there is one rule we can agree on - gender neutral bathrooms should not be used by parents.</p>
<p>I am fine with using toilets next to others of my same gender; I actually have a tougher time with brushing teeth next to someone else, of any gender. For me personally, spitting is not polite behavior, so I find myself trying to minimize the sound and volume when I am brushing in someone else’s presence, and being hyper conscious about the possibility of toothpaste dripping out of my mouth. I also think how I look brushing my teeth is probably one of the most unattractive moments of my entire day.</p>
<p>I have some direct experience with a large co-ed bathroom – in a dorm at Oberlin where my college boyfriend lived. One the one hand, Oberlin is an outlier school with an extremely sexually open culture, but on the other hand, he lived in Asia House, which disproportionately attracted international students and the sort of nerdy white American kid who wants to spend 6 hours a day memorizing Chinese characters (my people!). </p>
<p>I don’t recall seeing any nudity or even shirtlessness. Everybody wore robes or boxers and T shirts to the bathroom. The toilets had ordinary partitions and doors that were opaque but did not block sound. Each shower had a curtained changing space where you could hang your clothes and not be seen. I don’t believe there was a urinal; if there was, I never saw anyone use it. This was in 1997.</p>
<p>I don’t think there is any immaturity attached to being uncomfortable in the coed bathroom or telling your mom about it. I do think the most mature college students would either choose a path for resolving the problem or else decide to shrug it off, as opposed to complaining without taking action. If a 40-year-old man felt that his landlord or neighbors were rendering his bathroom unusable and forcing him to go outside in the rain to find one, I would expect him to take action to fix the problem. I would expect the same of more mature college students, but not of less mature ones. They all have to get there at their own pace.</p>
<p>Adults all have to deal with obnoxious people who are in the wrong, like (apparently) the OP’s son’s hallmates. Fear of being called an “oppressor” during an argument is not a good reason to avoid speaking up. If you know you are in the right, you must keep speaking whether others call you nasty names or not. I would absolutely give this advice to young women as well as young men.</p>
Wouldn’t like it.</p>