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<p>I agree and this was basically my position many posts back. I think that if the student continues to complain but plans to do nothing, then mom/dad do no favors by getting involved. Lots of kids need that shove towards handling things like an adult. Mine certainly did.</p>
<p>āI think there is one rule we can agree on - gender neutral bathrooms should not be used by parents.ā</p>
<p>I would not - but Iām curious - why? Is that age descrimination? Could there not be a 40 year old freshman?</p>
<p>Why is it more inappropriate if itās an āoldā adult than a āyoungā adult mixing genders in a bathroom?</p>
<p>āI am fine with using toilets next to others of my same gender; I actually have a tougher time with brushing teeth next to someone else, of any gender. For me personally, spitting is not polite behavior, so I find myself trying to minimize the sound and volume when I am brushing in someone elseās presence, and being hyper conscious about the possibility of toothpaste dripping out of my mouth. I also think how I look brushing my teeth is probably one of the most unattractive moments of my entire day.ā</p>
<p>LOL, Bay!!! I totally agree - I hate it when someone sees me brushing my teeth. I prefer it to be a private moment. And to be honest, I would do everything youāve stated above, and if the sink was crowded when I walked up, Iād probably come back later.</p>
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Well, no I donāt agree. If Iām visiting a kid and I need to use the toilet and the bathrooms are gender neutral, Iām not going looking for a single sex bathroom elsewhere.</p>
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<p>This idea crossed my mind, and not with regard to me, a mom, because I think most people of either gender would find my presence benign. I did wonder if young college women in robes and towels might feel uncomfortable in the presence of someoneās dad, whom they did not know. Iām not sure how I would feel, just thinking about it.</p>
<p>As someoneās dad who occasionally had to make use of dorm toilets when visiting kids, I can tell you that I didnāt linger long, and I also tried to avoid being around at any time when young people of any sort in robes or out of them might be making their ablutions. With some luck, I was able to avoid problems.</p>
<p>In fact, that was pretty much the way we dealt with co-ed bathrooms in the wayback. As much as possible, we men avoided being in there when the women were using it, and vice versa. There was occasional overlap, but a lot less than you would think. You hurried up if you knew someone was waiting for you to leave. No one said āYum!ā or anything like it, although it was clearly OK to compliment the women if they were wearing party clothes and had finished getting ready, or almost (and vice versa). As I said, it was like sharing a bathroom with siblings, but better, because everyone tended to go out of their way to be considerate, and no one was able to use up all the hot water.</p>
<p>I cannot imagine uttering the word āyumā in the bathroom, unless someone slips a fully wrapped Milky Way to me under the stall door.</p>
<p>I donāt think I want people slipping anything to me under a stall door, even a chocolate treat.</p>
<p>Then again, shortly after the Senator Larry Craig incident in the MSP airport bathroom stall, I was in MSP, in one of the bathroom stalls, and this hand appears from underneath the neighboring stall, opening and closing. A women asked me to pass her some toilet paper. We both started laughing hysterically when I asked her if that was some sort of signal asking for something elseā¦would never say that to a guy, but with other women (gay or not, who cares), anything goes. Would never want to soil my female space with guys in there. Yuck! They pee all over the place and leave the toilet seats up. I have no idea why any woman would be up for āgender neutralā territory anyways.</p>
<p>I live with 4 males (DH and 3 DSās). There is a small unventilated (no window) bathroom attached to my office. The boys are allowed to use it but only for #1 and only if they put the seat back down! (I donāt make too much fuss about the rest of the toilet seats in the house, save requesting that the ensuite seat be down overnight to avoid any unfortunate incidents when I go in there half asleep in the middle of the night.) The children have their own bathroom, and are responsible for cleaning it!</p>
<p>^Men have stinkier poop than women??!!!</p>
<p>The only gender-neutral bathrooms I encountered on-campus only had one toilet bowl and one sink.</p>
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probably not, I just donāt want it in an unventilated bathroom attached to my office.</p>
<p>One thing that I learned from a large gender neutral bathroom is that itās better to leave the seat up than to not put it up at all. ;)</p>
<p>This thread makes me SO glad I never had a community bathroom in college, let alone a co-ed one. My D is at an all girls school and I feel for her having a community bath. I did check out the showers and there was the main shower stall and a curtained area to change. It just seems like the biggest hassle to have to leave your room to use the facility. Iām glad I had a suite situation where the bathroom was connected by two rooms and you could lock the doors at both sides. </p>
<p>Then again, Iām that person who goes to three different floors at work to find one where nobody is when I have to go. </p>
<p>As for community showers in gym class in high schoolā¦ they made us shower but we wore bathing suits. When my D was at band camp, the girls all wore their bathing suits in the shower. </p>
<p>I only have one bathroom in my home. It is not used by two people at the same time except when my D and I were both doing our makeup. When someone was in the shower or on the commode, nobody else went in the bathroom. Usually, the doors were locked. </p>
<p>There isnāt anything wrong with wanting privacy, especially from the opposite gender, when using the facilities or showering. </p>
<p>I was thinking about our cubicles at work when I was thinking about the shower and toilet stall doors. I can never see over those because Iām short. I canāt see over our cubicle walls. There are a LOT of men on my floor who can pop their head right over the top of the cubicle wall. Canāt they see right over the top of the stall/shower doors too?</p>
<p>[quopte] In fact, that was pretty much the way we dealt with co-ed bathrooms in the wayback. As much as possible, we men avoided being in there when the women were using it, and vice versa. There was occasional overlap, but a lot less than you would think. You hurried up if you knew someone was waiting for you to leave.
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<p>Right - which was surely easier to do in a bathroom serving 5 or 6 people or so than one serving a whole crowd.</p>
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<p>Yes. It was no big deal for anyone.</p>
<p>Of course, questions asked before room assignment ensured that the small minority of students who would have been bothered by co-ed bathrooms were assigned to single-gender floors.</p>
<p>One point that I realized looking back . . . I might say that it was no big deal for people, but how would I know? It was no big deal for maybe half the people that I can think of but I didnāt poll people. There were people who I donāt remember seeing coming and going. There were a pair of scholarship athletes who didnāt mix and had friends on the floor once - that was a real BR problem that resulted in discipline. The original point is that the vocal, more forward and just blase people were happy with the arrangement and the people who werenāt happy were afraid to speak up. We really have no way of going back to know how many of the 25 or so kids who shared with us way back when were really comfortable with that set up. We can only speak for ourselves.</p>
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<p>When I went to college, the room assignment procedure was set up so that students knew beforehand that co-ed floors had co-ed bathrooms, and were able to opt for single-gender floors instead. It was not like the situation where bathroom designations were determined or changed after move-in.</p>
<p>āand I also tried to avoid being around at any time when young people of any sort in robes or out of them might be making their ablutions. With some luck, I was able to avoid problems.ā</p>
<p>But theyāre just people, right? Whatās the difference if itās 20 year old Bob taking a shower or going to the bathroom in the stall right next to 19 yo Susie, versus 50 year old JHS taking the shower or going to the bathroom right next to 19 yo Susie?</p>
<p>Certainly you can see that some of the discomfort you felt around younger people might be analogous to the discomfort others might feel around the opposite sex. Presumably you didnāt want to embarrass your kid by being āthat parentā whose bathroom habits were unpleasant. (Talk to my mother, who came up one year to pick me up from school, stayed in my sorority house, and got a terrible stomach bug --she was mortified, and it was obviously all girls.)</p>
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<p>My first post in 20+ pages - but this cracked me up. Thanks for the laugh, cartera.</p>