<p>If there is a 40 year old student in the dorm, then so be it. But as an older male parent, I do not want to assume that me being there would not make a female student uncomfortable. I would also feel uncomfortable and would use the dorm lobby bathroom. I think age is a factor as to my thoughts on this.</p>
<p>Bartokrules,</p>
<p>Iām not dissing you. My husband would feel the same way. BTW, I donāt think there IS a mens restroom anywhere in the building. I think thatās actually the problem.</p>
<p>I would feel the same way, I would find another bathroom in another building if there were not a single-gender bathroom I could use, or a āone seaterā.</p>
<p>Iām just curious as to why itās okay for there to be a 20 something year old man in a restroom with someoneās daughter, but not a 40 year old man.</p>
<p>Again, Iām not dissing, I actually agree that I find that more distasteful - I just canāt really justify it with logicā¦it just FEELS wrong.</p>
<p>Maybe because the 20 year old male has been vetted by the college, formally i.d.'ed, recommended by teachers and counselors. The older father is an unknown stranger. That doesnāt fully explain it, because men could have friends from out of town visiting, too.</p>
<p>Bay,</p>
<p>Right. Just because a guy is in the dorm building - no matter what the age, it doesnāt mean heās āvettedā. And just because heās āvettedā doesnāt mean heās a good guy.</p>
<p>I still canāt logically justify my assertion that age is a factor. I just feel that it is.</p>
<p>Maybe its because young women donāt generally share a bathroom with their fathers simultaneously, while they do with their boyfriends (?)</p>
<p>I guess some do (share with their boyfriends). I never did, and donāt share (at the same time) with my husband either.</p>
<p>Iāve used the shower in my older daughters dorm ( I was in my late 40ās if that matters)
I was staying at a hostel while visiting her, which was OK, except the shower was a little gross. There was lots of room for getting dressed within the stall, and only pro basketball players would be able to see over the door.</p>
<p>As I mentioned up thread, she had attended schools where they didnt separate much by sex. When she was in elementary school & they had overnights, both boys & girls & moms & dads were in the same tent/cabin.( during her first overnight as a new 1st grader, she was anxious & wanted me to stay although I hadnāt planned on it, one helpful kindergartener said I could sleep with his dad - which I didnāt take him up on ;). )
In middle school, during a ālord of the fliesā trip, her tent collapsed in the rain, so she had to cram in with three boys-( it was November, I expect they were already too miserable to be embarrassed). She has always had close male friends, and we didnt think anything of her attending or hosting overnights with both girls & boys, or having her male friends staying over with her before they left for their own college.
( while some of Ds school friends had 8! Bathrooms at home, we only have 1, so we have had more than 1 person using it at a time.)</p>
<p>I understand that some students who arenāt comfortable in a group living situation, may be even more stressed if it is mixed sex, especially if they have been conditioned to believe it is inappropriate. In college, students will be faced with many situations that are challenging, they may want to consider whether they want to limit them as much as they can, or whether they want to use the opportunity to develop skills to become more assertive/ adaptable, whichever the situation warrants.</p>
<p>Itās the behavior, that is important, not whether the other person is of the opposite sex/ different race/ age/ religion.</p>
<p>I think itās the expectation of the students that they will be sharing the bathroom with other students, not older folks of the opposite sex who are parents. If there is an older student, then the expectation would need to be adjusted. There are the same expectations at home that are adjusted to the feelings of each other. Some couples do the bodily function thing in full view, others donāt.</p>
<p>UCB - on the āhow would I knowā quote. I understand that people chose a same sex or single sex floor. If you and I were both in the units at Berkeley then I know the drill. Choosing co-ed floor on a housing form in June does not necessarily translate into underatnding the reality of it. Iām pretty sure that not everyone on my floor was totally cool with it. We canāt make the blanket statement that people who chose the coed floor found that the situation in practice was the best thing ever. Yes, it is significant that there was a firm choice and that it happened before housing assignments. That doesnāt translate 1 for 1 into people who love big co-ed bathrooms though.</p>
<p>Iām another Cal grad who had co-ed dorms in my freshman year dorm. I donāt recall EVER hearing anyone comment on the attractiveness of the various men or women using the restroom along the lines of the OPās sonās female floormates making that āYum!ā comment about the OPās shirtless son. There were certainly very (some extraordinarily) attractive people, but you didnāt comment on it in the bathroom. That comment is, to me, the heart of the OPās sonās discomfort. Itās behavior that would be equally out of place if the young man was walking shirtless down the hall on his way to shower. </p>
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<p>For some (many?) itās not just a question of sitting next to someone of the opposite sex, itās sitting in a stall next to anyone. Colleges can reconfigure old dorms, or have private ensuite bathrooms when constructing new dormsā¦but that comes at a cost. Worth it for some, not for others. Iād resent being forced to pay ever-higher dorm fees for something that I regard as an optional luxury. Schools offering a variety of dorm types at a variety of price points is one way to address this, but then you end up having economic segregation by dorm type. </p>
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</p>
<p>I can assure you that newspaper reading, flatulence, commentary and odor isnāt limited to the XY chromosome holders. Details withheld to protect the oh so incredibly guilty. 
:D</p>
<p>
I think thatās infinitely worse. I also think that suite dorms without well defined community spaces, preferably on each floor, but minimally in each dorm, are a big mistake.</p>
<p>
And that could be another interesting thread!
Regarding being forced into the coed bathroom situation as OPās s is, though, I donāt think that there is something wrong if someone does NOT want to adapt to something like coed bathrooms.</p>
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</p>
<p>A more traditionally designed dorm could be designed with single-person bathrooms, but that would be a less efficient use of space than gang bathrooms. But then if the dorm as described by the OP has three gang bathrooms, the simplest solution would be to have one for each gender and one co-ed, if the sizes of the bathrooms are reasonable for the gender populations ā i.e. it should not be a hard problem for the dorm staff.</p>
<p>Of course, dorm architecture, remodeling, etc. interacts with the issue of āluxuryā amenities raising college costs and the like.</p>
<p>At the same time that weāre having this discussion, a number of municipalities are looking for ways to install safe, cheap, clean public toilets, e.g. [Why</a> Portlandās Public Toilets Succeeded Where Others Failed - Design - The Atlantic Cities](<a href=āhttp://www.theatlanticcities.com/design/2012/01/why-portlands-public-toilets-succeeded-where-others-failed/1020/]Whyā>http://www.theatlanticcities.com/design/2012/01/why-portlands-public-toilets-succeeded-where-others-failed/1020/) . One of the design features:</p>
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</p>
<p>Dorm bathrooms with adequate but not complete privacy may be a great way to equip young people to face these kinds of public restrooms with equanimity. Or, maybe growing up using facilities like the Portland Loo will make it easier for students to face dorm gang bathrooms.</p>
<p>I havenāt even noticed those in PDx, I will have to look for them.
Very familiar with this though.
</p>
<p>Sās freshman year dorm was coed, with all coed floors. There were, IIRC, two wings per floor, and two bathrooms per wing: one male, one female. Seemed to work out well.</p>
<p>Consolation - I donāt think anyone would object to that arrangement.</p>
<p>Similar for my Dās freshman dorm Consolation - coed floor, 2 bathrooms, one for each. When there are multiple bathrooms available, I donāt see why they wouldnāt just assign one for each and skip the whole voting thing. If there are 3 and more girls on the floor, let the girls have 2.</p>
<p>the Portland toilets are very private, compared to some European onesā¦</p>
<p><a href=āhttp://1.bp.blogspot.com/-_5s2eh3hJT0/ThlRBL5tE5I/AAAAAAAAA80/9ZTH194Bnoo/s1600/public_toilets_europe.jpg[/url]ā>http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-_5s2eh3hJT0/ThlRBL5tE5I/AAAAAAAAA80/9ZTH194Bnoo/s1600/public_toilets_europe.jpg</a></p>
![http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-_5s2eh3hJT0/ThlRBL5tE5I/AAAAAAAAA80/9ZTH194Bnoo/s1600/public_toilets_europe.jpg[/url]](http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-_5s2eh3hJT0/ThlRBL5tE5I/AAAAAAAAA80/9ZTH194Bnoo/s1600/public_toilets_europe.jpg%5B/url%5D){kind=link}
<p>I totally agree, Cartera. The procedure they have come up withāand the result it has producedāseem to be devoid of common sense, as well as fairness. The only lesson in democracy they are teaching is how democracy can be abused. Totally screwy. Just divvy up the bathrooms and be done with it. There are more important things to spend time on.</p>