Getting Accepted does NOT mean that a Merit Scholarship will be forthcoming....

So the great news about CS is that it is much more about skills than about where you went to school. Trust me, he will have perfectly fine opportunities from TCNJ – you are not in any way keeping him from having a “great life” if he attends college there. Right now, anybody who is willing to put in the elbow grease to develop expertise in cyber security is going to be in demand – I work in the computer field, and know that I could build on some past security experience I have and very comfortably be employed for the rest of my career if I chose to build a few more skills in that area. Your son really will be fine – it will be a serious blow to his ego, and he maybe has been telling all his buddies about the other schools he applied to. But honestly, he won’t be the only kid going to a less expensive alternative once the offers are all on the table. If he wants to go for a year and look at transferring to Rutgers if he isn’t happy, that could be another option.

^^Since your son wants to major in cyber security, have you researched various programs? He’s probably better off at a state school. My son is in a related major and he’s toured several departments and spoken with department heads. At a couple of our state schools the students receive security clearances (if qualified) before they graduate. The internship opportunities are endless. I can’t name a private school that would be better for his major.

ETA US News has a list somewhere that shows “return on investment” for various schools. The ROI with computer science seems to be better with state schools.

Do you seriously think kids going to state colleges don’t get great jobs and have great lives?

Agreed. His thought is to go to a lib art school just in case he changes his mind. I know there are a ton of schools but I can’t get him to sway and we missed most of the deadlines. He did apply to UMD and was accepted which is more reasonable but that is his safety. I think it would be perfectly fine - not him.

I absolutely know they get great jobs and have great lives. But it’s my son and I can’t do his college applications for him although I thought about it seriously. He does know that some of the debt will be his. But we just never determined what that price would be. Btw. I am very thankful for all the comments and suggestions. What a great community. Thank you everyone.

Ding ding. That’s what it is. It is his ego. He is so used to being top top top that this is going to be tough on him. Tcnj is a great school. Fingers crossed we can get him there.

@aehshm I’m very sorry for your predicament. You are letting a teenager with no experience of the world, job placement, career formation make a financial decision that will impact 4 people’s lives. You are correct that you can’t do applications for your children, but you can make the decision that you won’t give them a pony for their birthday.

Reconsider what may be taking out 200k in loans because you “led him in the wrong direction.” I just ran the CB calculator (for parent loans) on repaying that over your husband’s hypothetical 30 years and it’s roughly 1500/month and the interest alone is over 300,000. Pay it off in 10 years, that’s only 90k in interest, but $2400/month. Is that doable?

It may be time to talk turkey and you may have to do it gently, without DH. Not saying go behind H’s back, but there are times when any one parent can have a little heart to heart. You want him to grow up well, understanding financial realities.

Good advice. Thank you. Heartbreaking but needs to be done.

In another post, your or your child mentioned being a national merit finalist. Is that true?

Your son will not be the only one among his group of friends who finds out that the state colleges are affordable and those private schools are not. It happens all the time that kids say they are going to school in DC or Boston or to a private school, and the money just doesn’t work out. It’s no one’s fault, the money just doesn’t work.

There is also a whole group of kids who do go to the private dream schools and transfer back to the state schools after a semester or year. Why? Because the money didn’t work or because they miss their friends or they realize that it is not fun to be the poorest kid at a school and everyone else is going to concerts or out to eat or to the beach for the weekend and they can’t join in the fun.

Yes, but is it for the company I work for that uses NM to administer it. Top 5 kids get a really nice scholarship. But I work for a huge company and I am not counting on it. He didn’t qualify for the school recognized one. I am having a hard time figuring out if it will actually mean anything to a college. We didn’t put it in his resume.

Ok, it sounds like your son might get awarded one of the “NM special scholarships” that NMCorp mentions for students who didn’t make NMSF/F, but their parents’ corporations sponsor these special awards. I’m familar with this. one of my sons was a NMF, but the other son missed the cutoff…but still he won one of those “NM special scholarships” that NMCorp mentions. I don’t think most can mention on their college apps because the student isn’t told until late winter/spring of senior year.

I don’t think it will mean anything to schools. Do you realize that if you get some need based grants and your son is awarded that company award that his school will reduce his aid?

It’s not too late for your son to apply to some schools that will still award him a large merit award.

No, I didn’t realize that. Wow. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. Thanks for the info. Hard to hear but I am glad I know now. Again this forum is great. I needed to hear outside advise. Since my H is a dodo bird.

@aehshm: I was going to suggest UMD-CP but I see from you post above that he was already admitted and it’s affordable. Right now, UMD-CP is where he wants to be. It’s the top program in cybersecurity in the country, graduates who want to work for the government are snapped up (not to mention lucrative internships in DC as soon as sophomore year). He will absolutely not get better opportunities at JHU or GWU (I repeat: UMD-CP is where it’s at in cybersecurity). Did he get into the Honors College there?
I don’t know the process but this is Honors in Cybersecurity:
http://www.aces.umd.edu/

Did he get into honors at UMD? One of the specialties there is an entire Cybersecurity program. It would prob meet most of his needs and it is near DC. A friends daughter transferred there so could not get into the program from the start, but got into a similar program Offered to upper class kids- she loves it and has had amazing opportunities including some stuff with the government.

You may want to apply to another state school that gives good merit aid, like Ramapo or Rowan. TCNJ is a great school, but they give little now a days in the way of merit aid. If you are going in state, you may as well save as much as possible. I would look at UMD-CP as MYO mentions above, sounds like poster knows what they are speaking of.

Good luck. I am in NJ with a senior at a highly competitive high school, so I know how name brand oriented these kids are an how hard it is, but 4 years from now when your kid is in his own apartment and the other kids are drowning in debt in their parent’s basement, you’ll be glad.

@aejshm - we are in a similar position to you- son has high stats and though he has gotten many acceptances and some with merit money, none can compete with the full tuition scholarship at a local state school. We are not going to get any need money but we’re pinning our hopes on some school coming through with enough merit to make it a worthwhile offer. Meanwhile the local school is really wooing him- but I agree with you some of it is his ego talking, and this is what is preventing him from seeing this as a good choice.

@1S1Dforcollege Is the local state school the state flagship or a directional/branch school?

@TomSrOfBoston I think her son got full tuition at Temple.

@1S1Dforcollege Is your child a NMF?