Hello all,
Yesterday was my last day of classes as an undergrad student, and with graduation plans set for two weeks from today you'd think I would be ecstatic - I am. At the same time, however, I feel such a pervasive sense of grief and mourning... Not just for myself as I know the role of "student" has been my defining and ever important identity for the last five years, but I'm heartbroken over the things I said I would achieve and didn't. I can remember my first year in college when I decided I would get my doctorate degree in Psychology.. fast forward to today, and I didn't even apply to Grad school. Not because I copped out or even lost interest, but because unfortunately, my grades (and moreover, my GPA) have been less than stellar for the last few years. I wish I could say I wasn't putting in the effort because I was in a drunken stupor or attended one too many frat parties.. Four of my five years in college were spent with me being encompassed in anorexia nervosa. I'm devastated for myself to write that. I feel so cheated and bad for myself when I think of the process of me exerting my last ounces of energy into something so depleting, that my dreams were nearly ruined in the process. I never received help, however, I have since recovered during what was the greater part of my last year in college but it wasn't enough for the GPA I need/want (2.5 (although I might have that now) or more desirably 3.0 on a 4.0 sliding scale).
I can't help but cry when I hear of people going on to get their masters degree.. Something I always said I would do. I'm actually a very strong student, and had a nearly 4.0 at my junior college that I attended for the first 2 of my 5 years. I was sick then, but my grades were excellent, I think due to the fact that school was just easier than the University I'm at now. I had such a horrible transition experience and the shock of adjustment really rattled me, which didn't help. My first two years at University my grades were horrible.. Although I took a graduate level course in Psych at 19/20 years old, and received an A effortlessly.
I'm sorry to ramble on, but I need some guidance... Is it too late for me? I would love nothing more than to fix everything and I feel like I'd give anything to go back to "save" myself so that my grades could flourish like I know they can. The guilt I feel for not achieving my dreams is plaguing me and I can't let it go..
If I can improve, how so? Do I take more classes as an undergrad (even after graduating is this possible?) to improve my GPA? I want to get into a graduate program at my University wherein I received my undergrad.
Please help.
Thank you to anyone who read this.
Take care of your health first. If you do believe it is under control, what is stopping you from paying a visit to the grad program advisor at your current U and asking them what it would take for you to be admitted there? They will tell you.
But here is my advice: Work, and get some experience out there in the world so that you can better define your reasons for graduate school. Going for a PhD now just because you wanted one when you started college is just plain silly. You need to be much clearer about your purpose and your goals. If, after you have worked for a couple of years, and your health is completely clear, you do decide that you want and/or need a post-graduate program, then that could be a good time to pick up a class or two related to the specific field that you are headed into.
True story: I graduated from college with a 2.7 in a liberal arts field. After working a series of semi-related jobs for a couple of years, I decided that I really wanted to be working in an agricultural science. I went back to college as a “senior transfer” at my own cheap home-state public U, and took related undergraduate coursework for a year. Then I registered as a “non-degree grad student” for a semester and took some grad-level courses there before applying to grad school elsewhere. With my ugly 2.7 from my Alma Mater, and a year and a half worth of nearly 4.0 from the state U, I got into all but one of the grad programs that I applied to, and was able to pick the one I liked best.
@happymomof1 has good advice. The best way to recover from a mediocre performance in undergrad is to take some time off, work, and take some classes as a non-degree student to show that you can succeed at the graduate level. If you will live nearby a university that has a master’s or doctoral program in psych, see if you can register for some of those classes as a non-degree student. (There’s no need to register for undergrad classes unless your major isn’t in psychology).
You also didn’t mention whether or not you had any research experience, but that’s the single most important component to a PhD application in psychology. You need at least 2 years of it before you can be competitive. So if you have none, you should either try to get a full-time job as a research assistant/associate (you can do this in a psych lab at a university; in a related department like sociology, education, public health, psychiatry, neuroscience, neurology, etc.; or at a think tank, nonprofit, NGO, or private company that does psych-related research) OR get a job to pay the bills and volunteer in a psych lab.
But the first thing you need to do is take care of your health. Graduate school is hard on the mental health of even relatively healthy students. If you know you have a history of mental illness or an eating disorder, you need to gird yourself as much as you can before you embark on a PhD. And yes, decide whether you really need the PhD to have the kind of career you want or whether you just want it because you want to be a student. You’ve only ever been a student, so of course you are mourning the end of your student years. But trust me, working full-time is way better than being a student. You may like it.