Getting It Off Your Chest: The Relief Thread

Pre-College Issues High School Life
81

<p>^Just reading your post gave me more relief than I could ever have gotten from ranting myself. I feel roughly the same way.</p>

<p>(unrelated - and this is supposed to be only semi-serious, if true)
Dear Myself,
Get a grip on this. You’re procrastinating. You’re procrastinating as you type this. Why can’t I understand that every minute I spend on CC not having started homework is a minute I take away from my oh so precious sleep until I get so tired that I take accidental naps every day and my sleep cycle becomes a series of four to five hours here, three hours there? Why can’t I understand this and pull my **** together? Am I acting braindead because of this or is this because I’m braindead? No one told me that senioritis was supposed to feel this neurotic and painful. What the freak is wrong with me? Like, what the</p>

82

<p>I love when my contemporary social issues teacher gives my class a group project and i basically do the entire thing, from the reports to the posterboard. NOT.</p>

83

<p>Today I told you that I love you. It’s the first time I’ve ever said that to someone. You said you needed more time, which I get. Hell, it’s probably better that you’re taking time to think about this instead of rushing into it. But, for the time being, my mood is spiraling down, down, down. *<strong><em>, I’ve gone four months with you without feeling sorry for myself, which is actually an accomplishment in my eyes. But now I feel like an addict gone clean who’s just returned to his drug. I feel hopeless, like nothing with us is going to work out anymore. Intellectually, I know that how you feel hasn’t changed. Intellectually, I know I just need to be patient. Intellectually, I know we’re still a great couple. Emotionally, I’m *</em></strong>ing alone.</p>

84

<p>Dear V, </p>

<p>Thanks a lot you a-hole. Not only did you kill my parents and cause me to become an orphan, you ruined some of the best years of my life. While I should have been hanging out with R and H and macking on CC, I was busy defeating you and your little buddies. Despite the fact that I eventually became successful, you wasted some of the best years of my life. </p>

<p>Sincerely,
HP</p>

85

<p>Dear self,</p>

<p>Why can’t you just be happy? I’ve done everything to make you happy, chilled on homework and gotten into colleges you like. So what if you never liked Cornell? are you kidding me? People would kill to go there. You are supposed to love it. You spent so much time on your app and now you are telling me you don’t care. I am so sick of you.
Nothing makes you happy. If you win a trophy, you want more. If you win a competition, it was too easy. If you get a good grade, its probablbecause of all that extra credit she kept giving you. Your freinds suck. They lend you their pens, their calculators,listen to your mindless prattle but still somehow they must hate you. They are just pretending to be nice while they think you are a crazy, awful jerk–right? Of course,what is wrong with you???</p>

<p>I am over here trying to be happy. JHU is a place I have been dreaming about since I was little. But you are over there saying I can’t academically compete. You are saying you didn’t get a likely from UPENN. You are saying why not Brown or Columbia or Princeton but the truth is it will never be enough.</p>

<p>No matter what I do you will always feel this way. I will never be
pretty enough
smart enough
cool enough
academically inclined enough
sweet
compassionate
funny
elegant or anything. I will only ever be a black, hole of universe-sucking space waste to you. I am sick of trying to please you. I’m going to go reread my JHU likely letter again and you are getting out of my life. Fall into one of those pools of despair you keep attempting to drown me in and
one last thing</p>

<p>F*** you.</p>

86

<p>Nil- I so freaking agree with everything you said. </p>

<p>Dear self,
Why can’t you stop comparing yourself to other people? You’re amazing just the way you are. Just because the kids who get accepted to the ivies/MIT, etc are NMF, math decathlon champions, volunteered all over the world, and probably found a cure for cancer, doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to go to the same school as them. You don’t have to be an amazing “on paper” person. Straight As, community service, and work do look good on your app. But it’s who YOU are that really counts. Make them see through your essays that you’re a unique person, nobody is like you. </p>

<p>From,
Self</p>

87

<p>HAHAHAHA, Skarpi you rock. love the reference!</p>

88

<p>Dear mfairladyz,</p>

<p>Hypocrite.</p>

89

<p>Dear Mom,</p>

<p>I’m pretending like your attitude right now doesn’t bug me and like I don’t notice so I don’t have to deal with it, but seriously, I think you’re drinking again, because you’re only this *****y and whiny when you drink. I didn’t clean up my mess? I rinsed all the kitchen wear out, washed down the counters, et cetera. The only thing I did not do was empty/reload the dishwasher, which I did the day before–without being asked for once. You can play your passive-aggressive, sarcastic game, but I will not empower you. When you want to talk it out-instead of just going on a sarcastic rampage-come to me. Until then, it’s not happening in my book. </p>

<p>Your Daughter</p>

90

<p>Hoping for the best for you ^</p>

91

<p>^ Thanks. It’ll wear off in a few days, and if not, ah well… I have other options. She hasn’t pulled the “Well you can move out” card like I was anticipating, so maybe I’m set.</p>

92

<p>Dear day and a half,
Go away so I can get my first decision about college.
<3
And I hate you.</p>

93

<p>Dear colleges,
Why must you act like the Olympian Gods and crush people’s dreams in an instant?? I can see you sitting in your office or cubicle or whatever cackling evilly about how the acceptance rate is way lower than last year’s X( Lemme just tell you I stayed up until 3 AM many nights to write that essay you just spilled your coffee on.</p>

<p>Dear ____,
I hope you read this because I wanna let you know you are my best friend and I’m there for you no matter what happens. I know you are going through a dark time in your life, and you feel helpless. Your mind is a cage from which you can’t get out. I admire your strength to pull through. <3</p>

<p>Dear _____,
How dare you break my heart, ignore me, let your “best friend” harass me online, send me a measly message to apologize 6 MONTHS AFTER THE FACT, and then straight up ignore me again. You didn’t deserve a girlfriend and now I’m seriously doubting you deserve friends at all.
Have a nice life.</p>

94

<p>Dear J,</p>

<p>I thought I was over you, but as I think about it and as things come up, I miss you so much. Maybe just as the best friend I ever had, but I’m not so sure of that any more. I miss the way you laughed. I miss your jokes. I miss your crooked teeth smile. I miss your playfulness and love of animals. I miss talking to you. The long talks in your back yard as the grass would tickle our palms, as we leaned back against our arms and watched the clouds pass. Do you remember the time you stopped me mid sentence because you were so in awe at the shadows? I miss that. The deep person I knew. The one that sat outside in your backyard until three am that one Saturday night, talking about our lost Fathers. The person that was there for me that Thursday night and calmed me down after I was locked out. Where are you? I know… four miles east and a little north, but that’s not quite right. You disappeared last August. And I miss you. I can’t believe we don’t talk anymore–that you cut me out. That you couldn’t handle everything anymore. And I still think not only do I love you, but am I in love with you. I’m trying to get past it. I’m burying it at the least. I’ve been flirting. I’ve been having fun. But when the slow songs come on at the dances. When I feel sad and frustrated and just need someone. I miss you.</p>

95

<p>(Cont.)</p>

<p>I wish you understood that just because I invited N to class and that he’s male, doesn’t make him your replacement. Just because I went to Sadies with S, doesn’t mean I find him nearly as funny and witty as you–actually I was so disappointed at his obliviousness and slight selfishness. And just because R might be there now, doesn’t mean I like him. It’s innocent. Just like what started this whole drama. </p>

<p>When I told you I’d love you forever, I wasn’t lying. You still mean the world to me. I just can’t figure out if I finally only love you as a brother, or if you really are the one I’m in love with.</p>

<p>And I don’t want to be “in love”. I hope you know that. I want to run and hide. Remember when you told me you loved me that hot day in August, as the sun reflected of the pond, onto our faces? How we both missed our commitments that night? And I wouldn’t tell you I loved you back. But that night on the couch. When I missed Dad so much. That’s when I knew. I knew I loved you then. And that I always would.</p>

<p>One day I hope you’ll understand. And I suppose until then I’m missing you. I’m living my life. I’m going on with everything. Maybe I’ll even find someone else–someone better for me. And you’ll find that skinny little blond soprano with the ugliest brown eyes we always would joke about you ending up with. And maybe then everything will be perfect. But until then, I’m missing you. Sometimes I can forget and just live. But when I stop. When I think. When I smile at the memories. When I tear up at the pain. It’s you I miss.</p>

96

<p>Dear C,</p>

<p>We used to date, sure. But before that, we were best friends. I helped you get over another one of my best friends, who was also very close with you as well. Isn’t that funny? And because you were neurotic and smart and sweet and funny and got my sense of humor like no one else I’d ever met, I accepted when you kinda-sorta-asked me out. I didn’t have a thing for you, but I cared about you a lot, and wanted to make you stop hurting. And I thought it’d be nice to see how it was to date you. </p>

<p>Well, C, you got clingy and emotional, and I got distant. So I suppose it was partially (mostly?) my fault when you dumped me for the girl whom I supposedly helped you “get over.” But I was cool with it – no joke. To be honest, I was relieved that you made the first move. </p>

<p>But now, C…I think about you all the time. When I hear something funny, I want to share it with you. When I find a new musician that your semi-hipster-in-denial self would love, I want to text you about it. But I don’t, because you went and overanalyzed things – again – and would probably think I’m still into you. And you’d make it awkward. </p>

<p>The thing is, I’m not. I’m actually not sure I ever was, and I kind of regret dating you. I want you back, C. I want my friend back – the guy who I could make any joke to, however nerdy or obscure or agonizingly punny, and get one in return. I want my best friend back. Please, we’re seniors, and we don’t have much time left before we both leave high school, and each other, behind. </p>

<p>Stop avoiding me, and maybe we can pretend that this whole dating nonsense never happened. </p>

<p>Oh, and K?</p>

<p>When you started dating C a week and a half after he and I stopped, you could have told me. In fact, you could have told me before our mutual friend J insisted that your relationship get my okay (I’m given to believe it’s some kind of girl code thing). When you asked me if you could date C, because you “kind of liked” him and, when I asked, said you “weren’t sure” if he liked you back, you ever mentioned that you’d already been dating for two weeks. And I, trying to be a good friend and encourage you, said that he “never really got over you,” and that you should “definitely go for it.” Thanks for making me feel like the world’s biggest f*****g idiot after I found out. Thanks for going behind my back. </p>

<p>I never even really liked him as more than a friend (or perhaps a friend with benefits) and I still feel betrayed, you f**<strong><em>g b</em></strong>*. Thanks a lot.</p>

<p>Everyone loves you, and I know that you’re actually a really sweet girl, but I seriously f*****g hate you right now.</p>

<p>…</p>

<p>Wow! Cathartic! :)</p>

97

<p>I love some of these posts. I swear a couple of them could even be turned into poetry. the words are so beautiful.</p>

98

<p>Dear ___,
Please stop eating with your mouth open while you make weird, disgusting humming noises. And please stop acting like a little baby all the time. You are 18 years old! GROW UP and act like a normal girl/woman, or at least like a female at all!</p>

99

<p>Dear ____,
hfjghsodhgolsdfhgfhlghofdghdghldfjl.rdjphijseriptyhwsigorsuihyuorhgorhgiprdipg. uggggghhhh. you’re mean. you’re not better than everyone else, even if that’s what you think. grow up. get a life!! oh, and stop walking around campus like you own the place. it’s really irritating.</p>

100

<p>To the Proletariat:</p>

<p>The time has come. Join me, and we shall rise together. We will sweep the Earth and touch the stars, and ours will be a just land.</p>

<p>-Billy</p>

<p>To the Rich:</p>

<p>I’m coming for you.</p>

<p>-Billy</p>