<p>Oh yes - and I feared the same thing. My S is gifted, scatterbrained and very creative (did I also mention he’s deaf? That’s the easy part of late). He ended up being drawn to what he called the “hippie” schools - Hampshire, Bard, Sarah Lawrence, Bennington - and was accepted to all four. He ended up at Hampshire which has been perfect for him. I truly believe there’s a place for everyone. It IS frustrating! I always felt if he could get his act together, there’s nothing he couldn’t do. </p>
<p>that is a good thing to know. My S is a sophomore in HS…so, the kids are all just beginning to talk about things. He’s just not feeling so good about himself academically…but he loves to play music. I think he has a lot of creative ideas in his head…the ADHD, I think, has kept him from following through with the plans…I’m hoping the medication will help. I’m also looking for an “academic/ADHD COACH”…who might be able to talk to him in a way I can’t seem to get through to. He is an adolescent, and my son… why should he listen to me!!!</p>
<p>drmom – with you too on the unwillingness to “just do it” for teachers they don’t respect. He would push himself to the breaking for teachers who he respected, but some of the others . . . he had one teacher he said “makes me stupider just by being in the same room . . . .” That was supposed to be his easy class but he actually struggled to do well because he just couldn’t see the point. </p>
<p>As may have come up earlier, it never occurred to us when he was young that he could have ADHD because he would concentrate for hours (and days) on things that he was fascinated with. Just not the rote, mundane day to day stuff. Only when he looked ahead to college, without mom, his administrative assistant, did we decide we should just find out. When we reflected on it, we realized that his teachers since early elementary years had made informal accommodations in the classroom, for his jumpiness etc. </p>
<p>Hang in there, these are wonderful, interesting, talented kids. </p>
<p>Midwestmomofboys: I am grateful for having this forum to gain support, wisdom, and insight. Thank you. Thanks to OP for starting this thread. </p>
<p>Does anybody here notice that there are more CCers whose screen name has the word “mom” in it. I wonder why it is like this. For example, there are 3 moms before this post. (Totally off the subject. But it is interesting anyway.)</p>
<p>drmom I have 3 boys, all of whom are gifted and somewhat disorganized but only one that has ADHD Inattentive. Unfortunately for him (and others), the medications do not work as well for the inattentive type as the hyperactive type of ADHD. Getting the dosage right is a balancing act: too much and the side effects can be tough and too little may not do much. Various forms of the meds can work better for some kids. Don’t be afraid to try different types, but give it some time as the side effects can be worse in the beginning. </p>
<p>The difference in my kids s that none of them are very motivated by grades and are easily distracted, but the one with ADHD just has it to a further extent. It is all a continuum and while I agree that gifted kids can manage to mask their ADHD (or other LDs) longer, once the work gets more difficult the ability to stud and manage time becomes more critical. Being disorganized and less Type A about achievement has meant that my kids have probably not done as well as they “should” based on IQ alone. It has taken me a while, but the reality is that ability is a combination of intelligence and personality. </p>
<p>My son does not like being on ADHD meds. He agrees that they help and get him to study better, but also make him feel like he is not himself. He goes through phases of being on and off the meds so being diagnosed has not been the breakthrough we thought it would be. As his doctor told him, the meds will help but your still have to do the work and remember to hand it in. </p>
<p>mcat2: I think “mom’s” worry more… not sure why we put that in our “name”—but, perhaps it’s to assure ourselves we are mothers???
mom2and: you so clearly described what I think is my kid…and, I agree… it is I who has to “adjust” to the “reality” of who HE is…and I love him…it’s just an adjustment… thanks for your insight and experience!</p>
<p>The difficulty, to me, is to understand how much is truly more difficult for him than the average kid (his brothers for example) and how much is “snow” and just the unwillingness to suck it up and do the homework. He has no problem (at least thus far) getting to work and doing a good job there. It is a pretty menial, low wage job and he likes it in part because of the “chill” atmosphere. The line between unconditional love, acceptance, and guiding them to be the “best they can be” is often a bit fuzzy.</p>
<p>I feel I have a lot to learn on this end!</p>
<p>Thank you to the OP. It is nice to know that we are not alone here. So frustrating to know that your kid has so much potential and is not taking advantage of it. Sounds like we have hope and that is good. I also feel at times that our high schools are not so accommodating to our kids who may learn “differently.” I will agree with the other posters who expressed their student’s frustration with teachers who are not engaging. It is very difficult for my son to see the value in doing work for teachers that he can tell are just putting in their time. That is probably why some of these kids blossom when they find the college program that is the right fit for them. Education reform is probably a whole other topic but maybe some changes would help our kids.</p>
<p>Thank you everyone! This conversation is so helpful.</p>
<p>Perhaps those who have kids already in college you can answer this - if you child is diagnosed ADHD, how did the college find out, if they know? Did your child refer to it in their applications or is the info on their transcript? Would an admissions person think “wow, look how this child performed before they were disagnosed” or would there be a stigma attached? </p>
<p>My college sophomore son was not diagnosed ADHD until summer between high school and college. He did have other issues which affected his high school performance, but he never brought those up in essays etc, nor did his counselor. </p>
<p>He did submit the paperwork to qualify for disability services as a college freshman, but then didn’t feel comfortable going through with the process. This year, as the work started piling up and he started worrying, he brought it up again and has now registered and is eligible for services. His services include time and a half for exams and can take them in a quiet room rather than the large lecture hall, as well as training in executive function skills. I don’t know that he will ask for the extended time or quiet room, but he feels better knowing he has jumped through the right hoops. </p>
<p>Bottom line, it was not part of his application process, but once admitted, he went through student disability services. </p>
<p>Hi VaMom - my son did talk about his ADHD in his applications and he also chose to talk about his hearing loss and his cochlear implants (he actually wrote his essay about it). Accommodations for ADHD and for hearing loss - at least in his case - are somewhat similar. We had a neuropsych evaluation done at the end of his senior year which spelled out accommodations. The disability service at his college has been great working with him.</p>
<p>Make sure you have recent test/evaluation information for college disability services.</p>
<p>I was told by the neuropsychologist that after a child turns 16, there is different testing that is “accepted” for colleges, and that if my S wants to get accomodations in college, he will have to take the “older person’s” test, rather than the kid/child, under-age 16 test…</p>
<p>Not sure exactly what the neuropsychologist is referring to, but for IQ test, typically the WISC is used to age 17 and then the WAIS is used. Usually colleges want testing that is less than 3 years old. Testing is expensive, but the most up to date testing is desirable. </p>
<p>How much should one expect comprehensive testing to cost?</p>
<p>Yes, the testing needs to be current, and there is a specific battery of tests for older kids. I believe my son had to have testing current within the past 12 months to submit for disability services at his university. I think the full battery of testing cost about $750 or so – I had heard it was outrageously expensive so I was actually relieved, imagining it was between $2-3000. </p>
<p>Daughter with ADHD innattentive here. Some universities are more lenient than others. DD has been diagnoised since 3rd grade. She was not required to submit updated tests, but we did provide her doctor’s description of her needs and her HS 504 plan to the university. She requests preferential seating and extended time on tests. She is trying to wean herself off the tonger time, but on difficult math oriented tests, she does need it. She does take medication and can not operate at a level required for STEM student without it. She did not disclose any of this info to the college until after she was admitted. </p>
<p>As a long time parent of an ADD child, I do want to say that the hardest thing for a parent to realize is that your child is not choosing to be disorganized, to not turn in work, to not “do what they need to do”. They are not choosing this; and they can’t work harder. They are not doing this on purpose and a parent’s constant repremand only affects their self esteem, it does not help them. These children need help developing organizational skills; patterns of behaviors that help them keep track of things most people just “do” naturally. The younger you start, the easier it is for them to learn these behaviors. The best tool available to an ADHD student today? A smart phone. Of course they have to develop the pattern to input due dates and assignments in the calendar and to keep checking it. Well, that has been my experience anyway. </p>