<p>Geogirl, this is very helpful advice. I’m struggling with just that problem. My son has great ideas, but little follow through. I also wonder if the meds he has just started a week ago, are actually working “enough”</p>
<p>drmom123, often the MD prescribes a low dose and adjusts as needed. My son’s ninth grade year was awful. I was in full nag mode and he kept trying to succeed. He had been on medication since 3rd grade, but I had never noticed an appreciable difference. We ended up taking him to a psychiatrist who significantly upped his dose of adderall. Son had grown 6 inches and gained 50 lbs since his last med adjustment, so his current dose was ineffective. He has had much more success through the rest of High School, and maturity definitely made a big difference. Son applied to 15 schools because he wants a performance major and must cast a wide net. He has been academically accepted to 10 schools and so far no deferrals or rejections. He has also been awarded merit scholarships, so quite hefty! Hang in there, it does get better!!</p>
<p>“I do want to say that the hardest thing for a parent to realize is that your child is not choosing to be disorganized, to not turn in work, to not “do what they need to do”. They are not choosing this; and they can’t work harder. They are not doing this on purpose and a parent’s constant repremand only affects their self esteem, it does not help them.”</p>
<p>Such wise words! We had a local group for parents of kids with attentional issues and it helped so much to take this advice to heart. It made things much easier knowing he wasn’t doing it to make my life miserable.</p>
<p>"I do want to say that the hardest thing for a parent to realize is that your child is not choosing to be disorganized, to not turn in work, to not “do what they need to do”. They are not choosing this; and they can’t work harder. They are not doing this on purpose and a parent’s constant repremand only affects their self esteem, it does not help them.</p>
<p>Yes and no on this point IMHO. Yes, ADHD makes it HARDER for them to do their work or be organized, but in most cases it is not impossible, especially with medication. Some of it is learning to cope and having the right tools, but some of it really is a matter of will. I agree that you don’t want to damage self-esteem, but you also don’t want kids to use their ADD as an excuse. Support for trying and making progress is key and setting goals. It can be very challenging as a parent. </p>
<p>We are right in the middle of midterms at our HS…I am finding it a big challenge. He certainly seems to WANT to study and has a “game-plan” so to speak…but, not so sure he is going back and “checking the boxes” when he has done one of the items on that so called “game-plan”… I keep biting my tongue, for fear of breaking whatever momentum he has… I keep saying to myself “we’ll see what happens this time”! </p>
<p>If he appears to be studying (no TV, not on his phone/computer, with a novel, or wandering aimlessly around the house), I would let it be,. If he appears to be not studying, I would certainly still try to re-direct (“just reminding you that you were going to spend from 8-10 studing your math”) etc. (For full disclosure after numerous gentle reminders, it might sound more like a command to “stop fooling around and get back to work”). Mid-terms for my youngest end tomorrow and I worked late every night last week, but he is not the one that needs the reminders. Good luck. </p>
<p>Just like entertainer’smom stated, medication can take a while to get the right dosage and the correct medication. Every person is different and what works for them varies. Luckily, there are many different medications available. Still, it is trial and error until you find the “right” combination. You should be able to “see” a difference. If you don’t, then try increaseing the dosage. If that doesn’t work, change medications. In HS my daughter took a long acting med for school and then a short acting “booster” med for HW. In college, because classes and studying are so far apart, she is trying different things to see what works for her. Drmom123, if your son is not able to focus, and he was just prescribed medicine, call the doctor and make a change. While growing up my DD changed meds every 2 years or so. She has been on her current med for about 4 years now. </p>
<p>drmom - I don’t know what med your DS is on but my DS17’s Vyvanse only lasts maybe 7-8 hours. So depending on when your DS takes his meds and what time of day it is they may be out of his system.</p>
<p>There are lots of bright, scatterbrained boys (and girls)… some with LD, others not. Sometimes I think being bright is a disadvantage because they survive the early years without honed organization skills. This book may not give you answers, but it will give you an appreciation of other families with similar struggles - <a href=“http://www.amazon.com/That-Crumpled-Paper-Last-Week/dp/0399535594”>http://www.amazon.com/That-Crumpled-Paper-Last-Week/dp/0399535594</a></p>
<p>I’m going to look that book up! DS is on Vyvanse,(the doctor said it should last 12 hours…) but it has been difficult to see how long it lasts because he’s had lots of time off for midterms and not real classes. I was thinking of asking the teachers next week, once classes resume, if they see any difference in his participation etc. it may help me see how long it is lasting. The other problem is that in school, he wasn’t eating much, and I have told him that despite whatever “great” thing the medication is supposed to do, if you don’t eat, your’ going to be tired and hungry…and not at your best…sigh, we’ll see what happens.</p>
<p>DS is not hungry at all on the days he takes it. That is one of the things you have to watch out for. I have to nag him to eat. </p>
<p>One of the challenges with very bright kids is that can drift by, compensating for execute skills/organizational problems, until workload demands in high school ramp up. Unfortunately, handing in assignments late at that point has a major impact on grades; then self-esteem can drop and kids just tune out.</p>
<p>Agree with suggestion to get him tested by someone skilled in ADD and giftedness; Davidson Young Scholars also has some 2E resources. There is a lot to consider, and many tools to use. Organizational tutoring would probably be very helpful; how to make color-coded binders, or whatever works for him. Organizing is really key to success, even more so than brainpower. </p>
<p>This discussion is pretty far along so I’ll just focus on one major issue: I think testing is OK but be careful not to stigmatize your child in the process. My son was very disorganized much of his early life, but extremely precocious, so much so that teachers couldn’t really find things that challenged him in early grades. He was reading at or above 5th grade when he entered Kindergarten. He was able to multiply and divide negative numbers in his head by then as well. He always tested at the top end of the scale. He could concentrate very deeply on things he cared about. And this included some things that were not school-connected. But he never got perfect grades b/c he didn’t see why this mattered. He hated what he thought was busywork. If he already knew something, why did he have to study it again or complete some boring assignment? In that era, it wasn’t fashionable to test really smart but scattered kids or to classify them as ADHD and possibly as somewhere on the autism spectrum. We suspect he’d have been classified as one or both if he’d been tested. But we’re glad he was not. No extra tasks, inquisitive adults, special arrangements for him. And no special meds. But a very difficult child.</p>
<p>By the time he got to a school level where they could better differentiate the expectations for students based on abilities and interests, he began to find challenging things or at least interesting things in or around school. These included writing and editing for the school newspaper, math competitions outside of school, and the debate team – all activities for which he won awards. He graduated h.s. without “honors,” but he did well enough in his grades (and his test scores were exceptionally high) to get into a very good college; he graduated from college “with honors.” </p>
<p>What really “saved” him was his activity as a debater in high school. He typically spent 30 hours a week in that activity. His debate coach did something that at least one of the parents on this thread did: predicate his ability to do extracurricular things that interested him on having completed and turned in his regular school work. That worked for him. But believe me, as a parent you would never ever want to look into his backpack. An utter mess. And we stopped trying to figure out what his class assignments (test, papers) were. The coach would ask him if he’d turned in his work, or else he’d not be allowed to compete in the weekend’s debate tournament. We almost never saw him doing homework, but he had a system that worked: do his Spanish homework in his math class, his math homework in his English class, etc. He hated busywork and homework, but he did the important stuff during the school day, so he could spend his time at home on debate and his hobbies.</p>
<p>Given his personality I don’t think intervention or testing from a specialist would have been better for him than what he got just by having a few key goals, a few highly motivating interests, and a couple of mentors, including his debate coach and the teacher who oversaw the school newspaper.</p>
<p>He graduated from college some years ago and has had a very successful early career. We basically stopped worrying about him after he entered college, and he found a way into a productive and fulfilling career. </p>
<p>Of course his is just one case, unique in some respects, but I truly believe that letting him resolve some things and learn by himself the need to prioritize, while providing sufficient incentives for him to meet his core obligations, was the right thing for him. Along the way, a handful of inspiring teachers in high school and college were also important motivators, along with the mentors I mentioned.</p>
<p>Mackinaw’s post reminded me of something that has made a big difference for my son, having a full schedule after school! Son is involved in theatre, band and jazz band. Usually he is staying after school for rehearsals until 5:00, until 8:00 on Thursdays. Son manages his time better when he doesn’t have a lot of down time, and consequently, his grades are better when he is busy. Like Mackinaw’s S, son has found a passion, his in the performing arts. He is goal oriented, focused and has direction when it comes to pursuing performing arts as a college major. OK, he is still scattered at times, but he is on his way :)</p>
<p>Yes, music, band, Jazz band, his “rock band”…that all really helps to force a schedule! It does seem that when there is not enough to do…that’s when it is more tricky with the organization…</p>
<p>Stigmatized? Get out of the Dark Ages. Accommodations due to a medical or mental disability are no stigma, many kids and adults need them to function.</p>
<p>And scatterbrain? Have you had your child tested for short-term memory loss and confusion? </p>
<p>Why not call an intellectually challenged person a ■■■■■■ while you are at it…</p>
<p>I like the stories in which the kid finds his passion and his tribe. It makes such a big difference. </p>
<p>My son discovered theater in middle school and the same - it DOES make a huge difference. </p>
<p>I prefer that we speak calmly and nicely to each other…none of us on this thread are trying to be hurtful or harmful, in my opinion. If we disagree with someone’s post, I’d suggest just saying it that way. “I have to disagree”…
in recent news: DS has a snow day…and so, missed midterms…and of course, my idea is that he has an extra day to “firm up” his studies…he has other ideas! ugh</p>
<p>Dr. Mom - did I ask if my son lives with you??? Ah - I remember those days. </p>