<p>BTMell— would you like a guest? Maybe you’re experience will work this time around? or at least better than my attempts! maybe he got 1 hour in of “studying” for the entire day…and, I have to say…there was NOTHING to do today…but that darn computer…oh…and, I guess he did shovel…I’m hoping that whatever he gets for grades…he will learn something from this whole experience…</p>
<p>haha - I’m guessing mine would listen to you more than me. Probably vice versa?</p>
<p>Activities are great motivators. My son loves Forensics team (public speaking) and acting. The teachers in those two activities do a great job of making sure kids do their work in order to continue involvement. Just the thought of not getting to do one of these two activities kicks my son back into gear.</p>
<p>okay…so, midterms happened…that’s about all I want to say… :-S </p>
<p>drmom had a similar not happy face with my youngest in one class. Very concerning. Not as much a scatterbrain as working too fast and simply not knowing how to study for math (the class he is having trouble with), when the material is difficult. </p>
<p>Vamom - it still depends on the kid. Taking away an activity may only work once. If the activity is gone, it is gone. Also, if the kid is on a team or has some other vital role, they would be letting the whole team or production down and once they don’t show, may be kicked off the team. I know families who have tried that and their child has ended up out of the activity, depressed over nothing to do, and not doing any better in school. If you take away what they love to do, all that is left of school is the drudgery. Not sure it is as easy as taking something away for every kid. </p>
<p>The trick for us is the teacher involvement in those activities. They stress to the kids that school work comes first and structure in time for homework during rehearsals, etc. just the thought of letting his teachers, the team, or the production down keeps him motivated. There have been times we haven’t allowed him to try out for a certain production when it was apparent he needed more time to focus on school work, but we sat down with him and made him part of that decision.</p>
<p>I’ve found that if my kid has a connection with the teacher, he does better (not necessarily up to his full potential…like, he has an A…and then one day forgets to bring in the homework…so, he gets a 0…) BUT, for those teachers he either finds “boring” or “not smart” or “lazy” or whatever the descriptive-word-of-the-day is…he just does not do as well…and I’ve tried to explain to him that if he cannot find a way to connect with the teacher…he’s not going to do as well…partly because of him…partly because the teacher is not going to care about a kid who “shows no interest”… some of this has nothing to do with being scatterbrained, smart, or “whatever”…it has to do with maturity…and learning how to do things you just don’t like to do…because it is really good practice for “the REAL world”…
YES, I agree, taking away something just doesn’t seem to work with my S…but, I am at a loss as to what I can do to convince him to work harder at stuff he really is not so keen on…</p>
<p>Does your school have an online grade book? Ours uses infinite campus. It allows the student and parent to go on and look at all the grades for a class. While DS doesn’t like certain classes it does help me when I am talking to him about his grades. I think it’s hard for some kids to understand how much or little certain assignments or tests affect their grades. </p>
<p>We have an online grade book, which really helps me track what’s going on with my son. He has access as well, so he can see how his grades are affected by missing homework and extra credit assignments.</p>
<p>My junior will probably be done college before the school hits the 21st century and allows access to the online grade book. It would be so helpful if I could follow the week-to-week grades of my scatterbrained D.</p>
<p>She reported that the ACT essay was something like: Frequent awards for perfect attendance, handing in all homework, etc. Good idea or not? D said she wrote that it wasn’t a good idea because it rewarded short term thinking instead of long term goals. I laughed because the girl could use some reinforcement of so-called short term thinking like doing and handing in all homework.</p>
<p>Snowme - for the SAT essay, my son told me he “nailed it”. He said the question was something like “Does a person need to be wise to be successful” sooooooo, my son’s position was NO, and then wrote about the cast of Jersey Shore! </p>
<p>I’m a few weeks late to the party, but here are a couple of observations:</p>
<p>1) ExpatSon’s organizational issues have improved significantly with time (as a high school senior, there’s much less missed work), but the executive function issues will (typically) always exist; the student will need to learn and adopt coping mechanisms.<br>
<a href=“At%20a%20recent%20visit%20to%20expatSon%20at%20boarding%20school%20(attended%20for%20his%20junior%20&%20senior%20years),%20I%20noticed%20(and%20was%20delighted%20to%20see)%20numerous%20Post-It%20notes%20on%20his%20door.%20Hey,%20whatever%20works%20…”>size=1</a>[/size]
2) Neuropsychological testing pretty much just confirmed what we knew to be true, but was instrumental in obtaining an IEP in high school (and will be critical in obtaining accommodations in college). That said, the testing wasn’t particularly useful in prescribing a ‘fix’.</p>
<p>Unintended double post that this stupid new board won’t allow me to delete. X( </p>
<p>expatCanuck: right on about the testing. Although, our HS “committee” decided that even with the “evidence”, my DS is doing fine with his “B’s” and he just has to “mature” and “let’s see if the medication helps him” and so they said “no” to any study AID or whatever he might be eligible for. All I really wanted was for the teachers to have some understanding and be able to help him with notes or cues or whatever in the classroom?? He did not think he needed extra time for tests…he always finishes them…but, that being said, it is often with lots of “careless” errors due to his impulsivness…and wanting to get through the darn thing…??? I guess we will have to see how the medication works…but, I know it is not a panacea…and I wish he had a better school system that would be more supportive… I know “B’s” are “okay”…if that is the best you can do…but with DS…they are really not indicative of what he really can do…and he is just becoming more aware that “I am not going to go to the kind of colleges my sisters went to because there is no way I am going to have the grades”… 
</p>
<p>drmom: And it may be OK, in fact better, that he does not go to a highly competitive college. Even with medication, he may not have the personality or ability to compete in that environment, although he has the IQ to do so. More time on tests may not make so that he is actually willing/able to go back and see the mistakes he made. The gifted IQ is only one piece of the package for a successful student in my experience. It must be combined with a “type A” personality to be a really high achiever. Maturity can help, but not sure the basic personality changes all that much between HS and college. </p>
<p>Oh those sibling comparisons…done by the sibs themselves. </p>
<p>I have two boys that are very similar in many ways. The older one is the more scatterbrained, but he is aware of his shortcomings, and has the maturity and insight to compensate for his shortcomings. He has figured out how to succeed and is doing quite well. His little brother is much more normal, but seems (to me) to be about a year behind his brother in terms of maturity. Because of that, I do think younger brother should have a gentler freshman schedule in college, maybe shouldn’t go to a super competitive college. </p>
<p>The thing is, I think they will BOTH be successful as adults. They may end up in the same place, or younger brother may pass his big brother in the long run because he is more socially smart.</p>
<p>drmom, I have a friend with kids with high IQs and subtle learning problems. They had the same struggle with school officials, who thought the kids should be happy with Bs. The turning point for those kids came when they went to the IEP meetings and spoke up and told the school officials that Bs weren’t good enough, that they could be making As if they just had these few accommodations, like written homework assignments. </p>
<p>It is difficult for the schools as well. One of my son’s has some level of dysgraphia. The doctor that tested him said that it was not extensive enough that the school would accomodate him. However, coupled with the ADD, it definitely impacted his achievement. In our district, the LD has to really be impacting performance. Getting Bs instead of As would not be enough to gain an IEP. Lizardly, did the kids start getting As once the accomodations were in place?</p>
<p>Yes they did. That is what makes their story so compelling. The parents went to bat for the kids year after year. Finally, one year early in high school, the oldest kid went in with them and blew (politely but exasperatedly) a gasket, saying something like "all I want is a written copy of the assignments handed to me so I can go home and do the right work. " She graduated in the top 2% of her class and went to a top LAC. She did not have accommodations for the SAT and has none in college. Her mom would say she figured out how to work around her issues, mostly by working harder than anybody else. </p>
<p>Okay, her younger sibling is not as passionate in his own defense. He may well be smarter, but he needs the help more. I think he is getting some accommodations based on the strength of his sister’s protest. They are both dysgraphic. Getting to type an essay and getting written down homework assignments helped them both. </p>
<p>I agree with both you two (mom2 and lizardly): My kid is starting to “not want” those B’s…and so, he is trying more…just this past week or two (???Med enhanced??) in any case, I think that Lizardly’s story the key, the KID has to WANT it and SHOW the teachers…in our school system, there are so many parents “advocating” for the kids to be “special” in order to “get ahead”…I think the school is overwhelmed and figuring they will not respond to a parent’s request, they will only hear it if the KID says something…but, my frustration is, if the kid is too immature at the moment…how might they advocate best for themselves?
I also agree that my S is really not geared or wired for one of the highly competitive schools. But, he himself said, he wants a place where he can talk to other “guys” about the books he’s reading…and he doesn’t have people in school he can do that with…perhaps because he is not in the upper classes??? it becomes a vicious cycle…at least in HS</p>
<p>When my son was in second grade we talked about friendship and what kind of friends he would like. He told me, “I just want someone to share knowledge with.”. He is now immersed in the performing arts, has finished 11 auditions for entry into a BFA major (Musical Theatre) and could not be happier. I could never have predicted his journey, but he found his way, with the emphasis on “his”. I had to get out of the way and let go of my vision for him, which was him becoming a scientist, lol!!</p>