A childhood friend in a different state was just diagnosed with an aggressive form of breast cancer. She has 2 children in college and one in high school. This is particularly traumatic as she lost her husband to cancer when the kids were still very little. She mentioned that she will begin chemo right away. I don’t know if there will be a mastectomy at this time.
I’d like to send something that not only lets her know I’m thinking of her and her family, but that is actually useful. I’m thinking along the lines of gift cards for take in meals, maybe a gift card to something that might occupy and entertain her daughter for a bit, something to make life easier at home like a cleaning service?
If you or a close loved one has been through this, what were the most useful things that you received?
My daughter is currently in breast cancer treatment. So sorry for your friend and her family as they have unfortunately been through this before. Feels like the most unlucky situation ever.
Daughter loves all the ways people make her feel special. I know that she’s mentioned the grocery store gift cards as something she has found very useful.
One thing I might mention. A Walmart plus subscription (not sure how much you want to spend) my daughter makes use of grocery delivery. Walmart plus is free delivery for a year and free shipping on their website. https://www.walmart.com/plus
I’ve also sent pastries for her fiancé from his favorite shop.
Pajamas that button up the front.
People have been very kind and daughter has seen the support of the breast cancer community.
My daughter had some health issues while in high school. One thing my mom said has stayed with me, she told me to not forget about our son. I remember thinking how could I forget him? Though I know she meant that I should slow down and spend time with him. That was hard sometimes.
So, maybe reach out to all of your friends kids and spend time with them, in whatever form that takes.
Send them emails or care packages at their college. Call them from time to time. Allow them to talk or vent about their mom however they want. They may be able to express their concerns to a trusted adult before they can say it to their mom.
I’m sure it is difficult to be far from your friend right now. I’ve been there.
I also sent long distance gifts to my childhood best friend during her treatment. She was very depressed and scared. I really wanted to cheer her up, so I went more “fun” and personalized rather than practical. BTW, my friend is doing great now & I hope the same for your friend.
Here’s what I sent…
*We both loved the Brady Bunch as kids so I sent her a pretty trashy “behind the scenes” book. She loved it and read it in the hospital.
*As teenagers we once went to Ft. Lauderdale on Spring Break. We still talk about our Florida adventure. I found the old photos, took photos on my phone and sent them to her. Our BIG ‘80’s hair was enough to get her laughing.
*I ordered a customized canvas bag with a current photo of both of us imprinted on it. Silly. But, I filled it with a bunch of small gifts that she could unwrap and savor. Mostly de-stressing/spa items.
*My friend is a vegan so I ordered her a basket of vegan treats.
*An arrangement from a florist who does exquisite and unusual arrangements. I made sure they included my friend’s favorite flowers.
Just check and make sure fresh flowers are allowed.
For my friend…I sent a nice cozy fleece throw. I also sent some funny DVDs she could watch…silly ones that I figured she would enjoy. I also sent a note card to her once a week with a cheery note. She lost her hair…well…it thinned out a lot. So I found a very cute and soft fabric lined cap she could wear. And I sent a couple of pairs of cozy warm and soft socks.
My mom always sent note cards with a joke on it to her friends who were ill. There are reader’s digest jokes online if you need inspiration.
Lots of these ideas sound so sweet. Hoping your friend does well with her treatments. My friend had a very aggressive stage 4 breast cancer and a 1 in 2 chance of surviving 1 year. She’s working on her 10th year anniversary as a cancer survivor now.
When my sister was undergoing her treatment, I was able to take a leave of absence to care for her. Friends and neighbors sent meals and gift cards. People also offered to walk her dog - sweet! I know she greatly appreciated everything, as did I. The handwritten cards and notes meant so much to her.
Just wondering, if the friend has not yet had surgery, how it is certain she will have chemo? Nowadays a test called the Oncotype is done, usually after surgery (maybe she had it from biopsy?) and that determines treatment. I had grade 3 with lymphovascular invasion but did not have chemo thanks to the Oncotype.
Sorry for the tangent. Anything meal related helped, as well as errands like picking up meds.
My cousin is dealing with aggressive breast cancer with a high Oncotype and I am trying to figure out how to help her, so will be reading this thread.
My mother had radiation/chemo before her mastectomy surgery. And then some treatments after also.
She received a few gifts, but as others have mentioned, the best things were doing errands for her, meals or groceries, rides to appointments (and that meant waiting in the car as it was during covid so you couldn’t go in).
She also was always cold, so anything to make her warmer helped-- hand warmers (battery or Hotties), socks, a shawl or blanket.
It sounds like the OP is a distance from her friend…but for those who have closer living friends undergoing chemo…yes to the providing rides. We did this for our friend and it was so appreciated by her whole family. And it gave her the chance to see other people.
Remember that your friend is still a person, withthe same hobbies and interests she’s always had.
A journal for the kids (depending on their age) or a matching set of pjs for Mom and kids. Send a puzzle, or a simple game, or a picture book to read together. I wouldn’t send flowers.
The most important thing, imho, is to keep showing up. There’s always a big flurry of attention after diagnosis and beginning chemo – but then the casual friends bail. Don’t be that person (or if you are that person, wait a couple weeks and send something then, when everyone else has stopped)
We had a friend who sent us a card regularly – that was “all” she did but we loved looking forward tothose. It was so comforting to know we hadn’t been forgotten. And a deluge of attention can be scary for the children, who have been bereaved once so there will be no fooling them about cancer.
You are a good friend to ask. Best wishes to allof you
This made me smile. I know my daughter is younger but one of her good friends gave her a blanket with tacos on it. My daughter loves tacos. It was such a fun silly thing that was used all the time.
I agree. Instead of a blanket, I’ve sent a roomy handmade poncho/wrap type of thing that I ordered from Etsy. That can be nice for chemo sessions, or just for relaxing and staying warm. It’s easy to take on and off, doesn’t press on the chest, and won’t irritate a chemo port. Just make sure it’s machine washable.
A small group of us pooled resources to pre-pay for a “giftcard” of cleaning services for friend undergoing continued treatments. If local, you can visit & clean, but if distant, there may be a service that can be hired. Recipient chose dates/times.
A family member is currently going through treatments. What she really wanted was cute, fun bigger ear rings for when she lost her hair. So that’s what I sent her. Obviously that would depend on your friend but something I never would have thought of on my own.
This is an old friend from camp. I was thinking that all of our bunkmates (scattered throughout the country) could get together and either go in on something big like continued cleaning service or each send a gift card, but spread out the timing so they were constantly coming.
