<p>My husband and I are both aware of the benefits of single-sex education for girls, and there is one girls' school that seems a potential good fit for our daughter. However, she refuses to consider it at all. Her reason is that boarding school is already a little "bubble" removed from the real world and that excluding one sex makes it even less like the real world. This is not a bad argument, and I wonder whether anyone has a good response to it; I don't. </p>
<p>Should I keep encouraging her to consider the school? It's pretty far from us, so a visit is not a casual decision.</p>
<p>I’ve lived (as a grownup) at several boarding schools, and I’ll offer this: while your daughter’s argument is a good one – and the one I used against women’s colleges when I was looking – I’ve warmed to them because the need continues. We recommended a women’s college for one student after observing that while she was usually better prepared than the others in her small advanced science seminar at our boarding school, she still let the (usually unprepared) most classically “male” boy in the room cause her to doubt her answers because he sounded so confident. </p>
<p>We’re still not great at preparing girls, especially in math and science. I remember in my freshman year of college, in a large intro chemistry class, the prof gave a prize for the highest grade on a mid-term. Had you asked me beforehand if I’d had any expectations as to who would win it, I would have said no. But when it was announced that it was a young woman, there was a frisson of surprise throughout the room, and I was part of it. We’re not there yet, but girls high schools and colleges seem to produce women who can rise above that. Just a thought for your daughter.</p>
<p>To be clearer (I’m sleepy): I’d argue to your daughter that there remains a need for spaces where girls don’t have to compete with more confident male voices. While it’s less real world, it doesn’t mean it doesn’t prepare them for the real world. It might mean it allows girls to get strong enough to really soar in the real world.
Oh, and our student went to a women’s college and then to the best med school in the country, so that’s that for whatever it’s worth.</p>
<p>My daughter refused to consider a girls school at first. When I first suggested it, she was absolutely horrified. But I asked her to to simply keep an open mind , and gave her some articles to read about the benefits of single sex education. I gave her the option to apply to both girls schools and coed. Every girls school we visited was impressive, and she warmed to the idea as soon as she spent some time talking with the girls and faculty we met… She found kindred spirits right away. In the end, she applied to 4 girls schools and 5 coed schools…and chose a lovely girls school as her favorite. I tried to appear neutral, but I was thrilled. She is a freshman there, is having a very successful year thus far, and says she can’t imagine being at any other school. The benefits of not having to dress up for class, not having to worry about impressing boys , and being able to just be herself with her friends are things that she now really values. There are plenty of social opportunities via events held in conjunction with boys schools, like frequent dances, for those who want to participate, so it’s not like they never see boys.</p>
<p>I believe that the reason I went fully into math and science (I took engineering classes for electives in college), got a PhD, and a science career is because I attended 6 years of girls school before college. No one told me what a girl cannot do or should do during that time. I thought feminism was history. Only in college, I started to feel I wasn’t supposed to be there. For one thing, there was no women’s bathroom in the engineering building. Things are different now (there are women’s bathrooms) but there are still traditional roles and (subconscious) prejudices that interfere with girls becoming all they can be. I’m all for girls school (if that artificial bubble helps overcome the cultural barrier to succeed and take leadership.)</p>
<p>Loving these responses. I guess my argument to my daughter would be that high school anywhere, whether co-ed or single sex, public or private, is a bubble of people of about the same age, all learning the same basic stuff, whether they want to or not. There’s nothing even remotely real world about high school. Given that, I’d choose the bubble that will help me grow most into myself, away from the influence of peers who don’t share my interests. Through that lens, girls school becomes an attractive bubble for all the great reasons given above.</p>
<p>My girl wouldn’t consider them either and her arguments were so forceful and logical that it was apparent that she didn’t really need the very real benefits cited. I don’t think anyone, anywhere, at any time, is going to make her feel like she shouldn’t speak up. Perhaps this is because she has a rather outspoken mother and a very smart and outspoken brother only 14 months older who she has always looked at as an intellectual peer and to which she has shown no hesitation telling that he is full of s**t when the need has arisen.</p>
<p>That said, it would be nice if she weren’t dealing with juggling boys and soothing girlfriends at school. But then again, she’s gotta get used to it at some point. Those issues aren’t going away any time soon. </p>
<p>I think some girls benefit more from single sex than others. I wouldn’t go so far as to say that all girls benefit from it. It really depends on her personality. There are some great responses here that the OP can mention to daughter. I would gauge her responses to see whether it is something she needs or not.</p>
<p>I agree, Neato, it is not for everyone… and , had my girl chosen one of the coed schools instead, I would have supported her choice. I was a dorm parent at a coed school when she was very young, and it was a fine school, but I noticed that the accomplishments of the male students , whether academic , arts related or athletic, seemed to be celebrated by the school with much more enthusiasm than those of the female students. I know that not all coed schools are like that… But it really left an impression on me. I’m sure it had a lot to do with the fact that the school’s administration was overwhelmingly male.</p>
<p>Thank you all for your thoughts. My daughter is, like neato’s, confident and sometimes outspoken, and - being 13 - she is appalled and affronted by my suggestion that teenage experiences can diminish a girl’s self-confidence. I wouldn’t have considered a girls’ school for her at all, except that this particular one really sounds like a good fit. Of course, maybe I’m just wishing that I had gone to school there! Perhaps I can get her to agree to a visit.</p>
<p>I told my daughter that you can’t rule a place out if you haven’t actually seen it! schools can be dropped from the list, but it is hard to be confident about adding or dropping any school if you are basing it on a web site, or a preconceived notion…</p>
<p>Even if it gets ruled out at that point, at least she can be sure of her decision down the road. Visiting ANY school can only help - ruling a place “in” or “out” is part of the process. </p>
<p>Sent from my iPhone using [URL=<a href=“Tapatalk”>Tapatalk]Tapatalk[/URL</a>]</p>
<p>Good point. It’s only the thought of another 4-hour drive x 2 on winter roads that gives me pause. Last Monday’s interview trip was 3.5 hours there, 6 hours back, with less than an hour of that representing rest stops/meal breaks. I’m still recovering. :-)</p>
<p>I agree, that girls schools are great for girls for HS, but for the boys I prefer co-ed for HS.
In regards to your question, I would ask het to come and visit it, may be talk to someone who goes there, alumni? I always tell my kids, we do not have to apply, but let’s take a look, you might like it.</p>
<p>My parents made me apply to a women’s college. I applied, to humor them, with no intention of ever enrolling, but ended up attending. I hated it, even though it is a highly respected school. I personally was against single sex education on philosophical grounds even way back then. However, fastforward many years, I would have let my kids go that route if they wanted to.</p>
<p>The point I’m trying to make is that if your D is philosophically opposed to even the concept of a girls school, I think you should let it go. Even trying to get her to go look may get in the way of your and her relationship during this all-consuming application process. You can always come up with another great, coed, school.</p>
<p>As for the benefits of all girls, later when I enrolled in a coed college, I took an advanced math class just to meet the general ed requirements. It was a small class, about 8 students and an older male professor. I was the only female and the only non-math-major. I aced the course and felt no discrimination, only respect, along with a little dismay from some of my classmates that they were outshone by a non-math-major.</p>
<p>For me personally, it was only after my education ended that I began to see prejudice against smart women.</p>
<p>Well, she is adamant, and I gave up. No point spending another day driving when I’m sure she won’t change her mind. I think I just need to declare the application process done.</p>
<p>Twinsmama, I hear you. I have been looking at dd’s list of 7 schools and thinking we might do well to add one or two more, but she is feeling DONE with all the dressing up, driving around, and interviewing. I am trying to curb my impulse and let it go.</p>
<p>I got nervous and added in one more girls school where dd’s SSAT scores will really stand out. I feel like we need to spread a wide net because she not only needs an acceptance, but also significant aid. </p>
<p>My hope is that dd will end up with at least a couple of viable options come March.</p>
and a very smart and outspoken brother only 14 months older who she has always looked at as an intellectual peer and to which she has shown no hesitation telling that he is full of s**t when the need has arisen.</p>
Perhaps I can get her to agree to a visit.</p>
schools can be dropped from the list, but it is hard to be confident about adding or dropping any school if you are basing it on a web site, or a preconceived notion…</p>