<p>I got into UCB in 2006 (and also UCLA, UCSD, UCD, UCR, and UCI--all the ones to which I applied) and from Cal, got a full-ride to a top program in my field for graduate school. I now teach writing / creative writing at a top twenty five university. </p>
<p>So that's me trying to establish my CC street cred, but on to what matters: What questions do you have about personal statements or the writing process? I'll do my absolute best to give helpful advice and strategies, as I remember how confused / intimidated I was as the UC filing period approached.</p>
<p>I look forward to answering your questions about the personal statement. </p>
<p>Ok, I’ll bite. This is the transfer forum so we re all in that particular boat. We have two prompts, one where we talk about our major; why we picked it, our interest in it, etc. The second is about ourselves. Do you have any general advice to those of us who will have to write these in the next couple of months? Things to avoid? Suggestions/advice please!</p>
<p>I feel like most UC personal statements are in essence glorified sob-stories. How can I avoid this mistake? Also what would be good in terms of standing out, or is it good to just stick with the necessities? Do you have any websites you suggest we look over prior to filling these out?</p>
<p>What rhetorical writing style works best for personal statements? Would it be an autobiographical narrative? Finally, I find it hard to express my desire in majoring in Psychology when I don’t have any Psychology related volunteer experience or internship because there is nowhere in my city where I can volunteer/intern for a Psychologist, Psychiatrist, etc. Because of this, and how I was brought up, school is my primary focus. High grades is what I achieve for. Apparently, that won’t cut it anymore nowadays. Is there any way or do you have any tips on how I could get point (i.e. my desire to learn Psychology) across in my paper?</p>
<p>[Q] I feel like most UC personal statements are in essence glorified sob-stories. How can I avoid this mistake? [/Q]</p>
<p>From the hundreds of personal statements I have read, I would definitely agree. This issue is easy to avoid. Think of it this way: All fiction and creative non-fiction is based on conflict. We read on because we naturally want the resolution of conflict. Most personal statements will contain the conflict, but not the resolution. Off the top of my head, here’s a generic example: An applicant will write about how their little brother got cancer and go on about this for the entirety of the personal statement. This is conflict–i.e. what happens to you. Resolution is so crucial, as that’s the opportunity for the writer to show their character. For instance, this person might go on to show that even in the face of his little brother’s cancer diagnosis, he stayed up at the hospital every night to comfort him (and when the brother was sleeping, how he still managed to study for all his classes, not wanting to use it as an excuse). It would be even better if the writer could relate this anecdote as to why he aspires to become an oncologist. This complete story (conflict + resolution) would show the writer’s determination and moxie, whereas the incomplete story (conflict only) would prove nothing other than the writer is adept at complaining. This is probably not the best example–it’s twilight and I need to prepare for lecture tomorrow–but I hope you get the idea! </p>
<p>[Q]Also what would be good in terms of standing out, or is it good to just stick with the necessities? [/Q]</p>
<p>I’m not sure what you mean by this exactly, might you kindly elaborate?</p>
<p>[Q]Do you have any websites you suggest we look over prior to filling these out? [/Q]</p>
<p>I’d definitely look into books that contain actual personal statements. Off the top of my head, I’d head over to Barnes and browse through Fiske Real College Essays or something of the like. In my biased opinion, I also have killer essays that I helped some of my clients, students, and friends produce. I’d show them to you if I could secure their permission.</p>
<p>HI i have a question regarding the second prompt. I wanted to write about how my diabetes has effected me since i was diagnosed in 5th grade, how it made me realize that there are somethings you cant avoid in life and you have to deal with such problems. Not to be embarrassed or discouraged but to be a better person . How i would be determined to live a better lifestyle and not be ashamed that i have it?</p>
<p>Yeah, autobiographical narrative. I mean what other style are you considering. I would stray away from anything too crazy. </p>
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<p>First, awesome that you choose psychology. I myself love psychology and have TAed for bio, dev, and ab psych. In any case, I feel like you are in a position of advantage. Whereas a lot people, as you mention, will try to demonstrate their passion for a subject by talking about professional or philanthropic experience in the field, it will be easier for you to come across as unique. In other words, psychology informs most, if not all, of our daily lives. The key is to be aware of it. If you can show that awareness, you will have a great essay on your hands. For instance, perhaps (hypothetically), you had a grandparent who was grieving from the loss of his or her spouse. As a student of psychology, you would know the kubler-ross (is that right? it’s been a long time) stages of grieving. Perhaps you used this information to better console and take care of your grandparent. I would dare to argue that showing the impact of an academic subject on our everday life carries more weight than seeing it’s value in the obvious (internships + volunteering), as it shows you have a genuine passion versus a mere desire for professionalization. Again, this is probably not the best example–I’m doing this in between preparing for class and running my business–but I hope you get enough of what I’m trying to say for it to be helpful.</p>
<p>That sounds like a good idea. Maybe you can even put a good spin on it. Like how people don’t actually view diabetes as serious as other illnesses (cancer, etc) which made it harder on you personally (i.e. people thought you were just exagerrating its symptoms, which in fact, are really quite serious). So in summary, I would encourage you to write it, as you will never actually see how good an idea is until it’s fleshed out. In other words, it’s all in the execution. I actually just finished an article on just this idea. </p>
<p>hi cardinalfocused this is a bit random but…
will my transfer application look bad to the admissions officers if i recycle an essay from my high school uc application for the second prompt? i know they usually want to see how you’ve done in college (which i will cover in the first prompt about my interest in my intended major). my essay is about a volunteer experience from my sophomore year of high school and i’ve always thought it was well-written and accurately reflects who i am, so i’d like to use it again rather than having to start over. i’m just wondering if maybe this will affect my chances of getting admitted b/c they might think i am lazy?
what are your thoughts? thanks in advance!</p>
<p>Your second advice in post #11 for the 1st personal statement sounds great, where you state how, without ECs, one can still speak upon the prevalence of psychology all around us which will show that one is aware and passionate about the major even beyond the boundaries of an academic/professional setting. </p>
<p>But for me, as I am an econ major, if I do not have much ECs that are major-related, do you think it will work to talk about my passion for econ in a more everyday-life context? </p>
<p>I think explicating the real-life application / connection of your major is possible with every major, all the way from something as obscure as Celtic studies to something a little more common like Biology. I’d say Economics would fall somewhere in between. While I have never taken economics at the college level, so I don’t readily have the best examples available, I’d say you should go for it. Just try to go beyond what you would normally think. For instance, I think most people would try to spin economics the way of business, connecting it to the recession / financial troubles of our day. This would be the most straightforward solution and I think the way many people would go. A better route would be to go deeper. Perhaps, for example, you could connect your passion for the study of free enterprise / capitalism with your affinity for the meritocratic systems (where every person can rise and fall on the strength of his own merits). Hypothetically, you like meritocracies because you want to be a teacher and enforce better ethical standards in the classroom, even in spite of pressures for higher test scores. This hypothetical example is probably a stretch, but given time, I think I would be able to make it work. This only bodes even better for you. I’m sure you have a much greater reason (and one that makes more sense than my jumbled example) for studying economics that you will be able to convey in an essay after a period of legitimate and serious brainstorming / reflection.</p>
<p>I honestly don’t know if the UC system keeps your personal statements for a sustained period of time. For this question, I defer to the greater wisdom of the collegeconfidential
community (and or your nearest counseler).</p>
<p>But honestly–and this is me being an armchair admissions officer now–it would strike me strange if a student was discussing a high school activity on his transfer application. I don’t think I would necessarily view you as lazy per se, but it would make me curious as to why you were not discussing something more recent. Had the student not done anything of note during his underclassmen community college years? Maybe a better route would be to update your essay (so you can still use some of the good stuff you wrote) with an eye toward it moving into the future. Ideally, you will want to show that the person you are now (as in the present person reading this very post) is a long culmination of personal and professional development instead of possibly giving the false impression that you peaked four years ago or whatever it was.</p>
<p>Again, just my two cents, as an armchair admissions officer.</p>
<p>Cardinal, you said you went to grad school, and I sort of assume it was for an MFA in creative writing, since that’s what you’re now teaching. Right now I’m debating whether I want to go for that MFA – I don’t know if it’s really all that worth it for the aspiring writer, in terms of money and time spent. Nor do I know if it’s very common that someone gets a full-ride when pursuing this kind of thing (I doubt it). If it is the case that you did an MFA, though, and if you don’t mind answering, how tough was it to get into a decent program? And what did you take from it?</p>
<p>Hi, my question is in regards to the common app. I’ve picked up Fiske’s and PR’s “essays that worked” and after reading through both books and personal statements in general, it seems to be that the three ways to write a personal statement are this:
Write like it was an interview. Tie in some extracurricular(s).
Have an anecdote, and then a “how-did-this-impact-me” entry.
One big creative writing piece with just a story - it focuses on just one thing, and it’s all “show” and no “tell”. </p>
<p>Which one do you feel like admission officers prefer? I feel like each has its merits and downsides, but what seems to be the best?</p>
<p>I’m not sure what this means exactly. If by ‘interview’ it means that this essay will merely repeat information about the candidate available elsewhere (i.e. the brag sheet or recommendations), I would avoid this form. My philosophy on the personal statement is that it should go beyond what is already stated. By describing what the candidate stands for in a way that no other piece of the application can, it should shift the way the application is viewed–from a academic profile to a real person. </p>
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<p>This form is better, but not the best. The personal statement is not a supplementary creative writing sample, so it should not be treated as such. While “showing” and not “telling” is always good, the personal statement will need elements of the latter. If it focuses too much on purely “showing,” it will take what the writer wishes to convey as self-evident to the reader. This is treading on dangerous territory. There needs to be some element of explication, however minimal. </p>
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<p>This is the best form to me and the only one that I teach. Of course, I always make my students go beyond the ‘how did this impact me.’ I want them to focus on the ‘how did they impact the situation,’ as again, the resolution to conflict is what gives the writer an opportunity to showcase their character and value. </p>
this is a bit random but…