<p>The stress of the fall of senior year, combined with applications (and all they entail) is truly incredible. Wishing luck to all those who decide to take it on!</p>
<p>Well, Clarimom, it’s funny you should mention sleepless nights. That was last night, for me, a night of rumination and disaster-courting. The concertmaster of the orchestra I play in (he flies in from Florida), was over last night. He knows our son fairly well, has given him a few lessons and we visited them last March so our son could check out FSU. He feels a gap year is often just putting off the inevitable, but also said that there’s not much point pursuing a master’s if you’re not also planning on a doctorate. His point: What job requires a master’s? He also said our son needs to be strategic and focused, like a laser beam, on his applications, calling schools to find out more about all kinds of possible assistantships, knowing exactly what is required for tests on audition days, etc. </p>
<p>Hence the sleepless night. Our son is hardworking and talented, but hardworking and talented ENOUGH? Maybe, maybe not. Focused? In a way, but not on the non-musical stuff. Mature and aware? No. But he intends to go forward with these applications, and I’m so worried that he’s heading for some really hard realities. I guess we have all been there, one way or the other, but I can’t help thinking there’s got to be a way to help, to support the dream, respect the kid, encourage, etc., AND somehow wake him up to the realities out there while he still has a chance (a couple weeks) to kick it up a notch and really GO for it. This sitting on the fence approach he’s taken is really hard for me to witness. I almost think I should drive the 250 miles to have a BIG TALK. Don’t worry. I’m not going to do that. He did agree with me that he should try to get more info from his teacher at his lesson this week about WHO he should request as a teacher at the schools she’s suggested he apply to. That fact that he hasn’t done that already, and that she’s only provided names for a couple, concerns me.</p>
<p>I have been reading posts on another forum for grad applicants and many of them apply over the course of two, even three, falls. Meaning if they don’t get in the first time, they work at getting in the following year. Sometimes it is a matter of just being out of school so that full attention can go toward applying the fall after graduation, for the following year.</p>
<p>Thank you for sharing what the orchestra concertmaster had to say, which I have heard or read elsewhere. He makes good points. I was wondering about the master’s versus doctorate for instrumentalists. For composers, it might be possible to go directly into a PhD program without a master’s. Some people like having the structure to develop further, others don’t. </p>
<p>I would think this experience of trying to apply mostly on his own will be helpful in the long run. If he cannot get everything organized, he will end up applying next fall. If he cannot get ready enough for auditions to do his absolute best, he can try again. In the meantime, he can continue lessons and play music. So not to oversimplify, but it does seem as if things will be okay no matter what, as long as he keeps perspective if he DOES audition but wasn’t really ready. Sorry to be a polyanna. Not trying to invalidate worry, just trying to say, “what is the bottom line” here really.</p>
<p>I really don’t know how the young people do their senior year plus applications. Sorry to keep saying that! When I was young I loved stress; now I can barely stand any. So maybe it’s just me and my doddering old age but I am glad my own kid has postponed the whole thing! Wishing him - and you - good luck and good sleep…</p>
<p>Your latest reply, compmom, is so calm and wise, I now feel I can head to rehearsal tonight and actually enjoy Beethoven 7, one of my favorites. You truly have helped me. Your email, by the way, was fascinating, and I will reply to that, too, as soon as possible.</p>
<p>It’s not easy being a control-freak, and I do have to give my son credit for being so gentle and loving to his crazy old mom. He’s a great kid, so why can’t I trust that he’ll figure it all out? Eventually. Like I did. And you, too, you said, earlier.</p>
<p>Thanks again for taking the time to address my concerns. And thanks to all of you on this thread, too, for offering your own wisdom and opinions. Truly wonderful stuff.</p>
<p>Lastly, compmom, I love that you love the “He’s not the worst mess I’ve seen” comment my son’s teacher made when she auditioned him for her studio. Your take on that was spot on. She’s got a fabulous wit, suffers no fools, walks like a queen, and is intimidating as hell. She’s fantastic, really. Oh, how I’d love to have that kind of presence! I’ll keep you posted. Cheers to everyone.</p>
<p>I am pretty sure I know the woman with whom your son studies, (message me if you wish to confirm), and knowing her as I do, I am positive that she would not be encouraging your son if he were not quite capable of being successful with auditions at that level. She is a major pedagogue and knows everyone. Good for him!</p>
<p>Oh, this is turning into such a nice thread. Thanks for starting it, onekidmama! It seems to me that I am the one going “OMG, the prescreening recordings and applications are due in less than 4 weeks!!! Panic!!” and he’s the one going “Geez I have almost 4 whole weeks still, why the worry.” Regarding the masters/doctorate–I think the doctorate is required more for instrumentalists who want to go into college teaching. For my S, getting the masters is a way to get some great solid preparation for orchestra job auditions and other performance-related jobs, and the doctorate may or may not follow. For now, I’m grateful for compmom’s comments–just going along with the flow and see what happens.</p>
<p>It’s funny, because I’m more anxious because my son is not applying to grad school. I don’t know what is going to happen after he graduates. Grad school would provide more years of a supportive comfortable known environment without having to worry about making it out in the world. But he’s more of a gambler than I am!</p>
<p>Seems like just yesterday we were all talking about prescreenings for undergrad. How time flies… Wednesday I am flying up to see my D in her last undergrad opera. Once again, January will be filled with auditions. This time, it is just exciting and not the knotty stomach like undergrad. And this time, she is doing all the work and NOT ME! It is funny to listen to her talk about her process and realize that she HAS become her mother. I LOVE IT.</p>
<p>POTO Mom, I’m heading to the same place on Friday for Hansel and Gretel! Will PM you. Can’t believe it’s time for grad school applications.</p>
<p>lorelei2702, I am unable to PM you because I haven’t posted enough on the site (CC rules). I wish I could! I’d love to know if you know her. Clarimom, the perception of time difference is right on. My son has resorted to gentle sarcasm in response to my reminders now: “Yes, Mom, I’ll move heaven and earth to get that done.” Or similar.</p>
<p>I’ve had a knotty stomach for so long I can’t believe I don’t have ulcers. It’s something to do with everybody “judging” my child. He’s constantly under scrutiny. It seems so harsh, and so I have to remind myself – he’s really very lucky, supported and capable. Much of the world is much harsher than the mostly beautiful little world he’s in.</p>
<p>Still…HE’S NOT THINKING AHEAD! HE’S NOT STRATEGIZING!</p>
<p>I sent you a private message. If you do not receive it, let me know on this public thread.</p>
<p>Hi Lorelei,</p>
<p>I got your message, and you are right! How did you know that?</p>
<p>I have known her for 30 years, and she is unique! Your son can have absolute trust in her judgement. Of course there are no guarantees, but at this point, if he is not up to that level, he needs to explore broader options. He will know soon enough about prescreen results, and she will have him ready to go for the actual auditions. We have had discussions about string players, the differences in male and female string students, their goals, ambitions, plans, etc. From her positions as an artist, professor, mentor, mother, she has a good picture of the options and possibilities. He is in good hands.</p>
<p>How wonderful that you have known her for so long, lorelei! I’m a little confused by your comment: “but at this point, if he is not up to that level, he needs to explore broader options.” Isn’t this what she would know by now? And would have talked with him about? By broader options do you mean schools with less rigorous entrance standards? Or do you mean options other than music altogether?</p>
<p>Good luck onekidmama - sounds like he is on his way with such a phenomenon for a teacher. I wish my child was back to auditioning for grad school…YAP’s are FAR more stressful. The old adage of …bigger kids bigger problems proves true yet again :). How little I knew back during the stressful undergraduate applying years but we all survived!</p>
<p>Thanks, ABlestMom. It’s rather nervewracking. By the way, what is a YAP? And your comment about bigger kids, bigger problems reminds me of my Grandmother’s answer to my mother’s question, years ago, when I was in college. Mom asked, “When did you stop worrying about your children, Mom?” Grandma answered. “You never stop worrying about your children.”</p>
<p>Well, I’m sure that’s true a lot of the time, but gosh, I sure hope it’s not a constant! I guess that’s up to us, to make sure we live our own lives. Easier said than done, right?</p>
<p>A YAP is a Young Artist Program. It’s generally the first job usualy these days after grad school but still an apprentice. Most often attached to an opera company. Sometimes also applied to summer programs. At each step the winnowing continues. The auditions are more high stakes and expensive and the ratio of those auditioning to openings is miniscule. Makes Harvard admittance look easy.</p>
<p>It applies to voice.</p>
<p>Sorry, did not mean to panic you. What I mean was that she believes that what she hears from him indicates that he is good enough to gain admittance to one of the premier music schools for graduate work in strings. She also knows that if a player is not competitive enough to be admitted in that level of program, the player probably has a limited chance at advancing very far professionally as a string player. If that were the case, while he could certainly be admitted in a less competitive situation, it would be less likely that he would prove to be a premier player. String players tend to start very young, and all that practice time adds up in an important way, necessary to achieve the kind of technical prowess that is the standard. He may have gotten off to slower start going into his undergraduate studies and catching up is hard, but she heard something in him from the beginning, and she believes in him. For now, that is what he must use to put himself on the line for auditions at premier schools.</p>
<p>Certainly there are many string players who are not premier player, but who create a good life for themselves. They establish studios in their communities, play in very regional ensembles, perhaps teach as an adjunct at a local school, conduct and/or play in a pit for productions, etc. These are different kinds of experiences, however, not concentrating on the study of solo literature, string chamber music, orchestral repertory, etc., but instead string pedagogy, conducting, service playing (pit). </p>
<p>Obviously I am not her, cannot read her mind, but I do know the professional world of music, and I have had some tangential experience in the string word and knowledge about how it operates. This is my take about the message she is giving him.</p>
<p>As I read this, I keep thinking of the hierarchical ballet world, and the stressful lifestyle, and feel gratitude that one of my kids opted out of the whole thing, to be honest. My musician kid is going to have to find the middle way between “nothing but the best” and a healthy life.</p>
<p>These times of transition are always hard, because the transitions force our kids to look at these issues, and, by extension, though at increasing distance, we are forced to too.</p>
<p>The art world is so competitive. Sometimes, it just seems like a contradiction in terms.</p>