Grade my 25 min essay for the SAT this SAT please!

<p>I'm taking the new SAT this Saturday. This is the worst essay out of all the past 3 I've written. Can someone tell me what i would get on it?</p>

<p>Prompt: While most people believe education is essential to life, debate has raged for centuries over what should be taught and why. Educational theorist Paulo Freire has stated that "Education either functions as an intrusment...to0...bring about conformity or it becomes the practice of freedom, the means by which me and women...to participate in the transformation of their world." John Adams, the second presidetnt of the United States, categorized educations differently when he wrote, "There are two types of education...One should teach us how to make a livign, and the other how to live." And humanitarian Helen Keller said, "The highest aim of education is tolerance."</p>

<p>What, in your opinion, is the purpose of education? In an essay, support your position by discussin and example (or examples) from literature, the arts, science and technology, history, current events, or your own experience or observation.</p>

<p>Essay:</p>

<p>Education is indubitably a necessity in today’s world. Many see education as a process through which a skill is acquired or faces memorized. However, education’s true purpose is to promote tolerance and develop good-hearted people. The veracity of this claim is evidenced by Mark Twain’s The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn and the historical example of he Black’s Civil Rights Movement.</p>

<p>The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn chronicles the journey of a young boy, Huck, and a runaway slave, Jim down the Mississippi River. Taking place during a period in which slavery and prejudice still existed, the novel includes many powerful messages about racism and prejudice, and offers these through the unique perspective of a young, white boy. Contrary to expectations, however, Huck, although not formally educated, has learned though his experience that there is something fundamentally wrong with racism. Jim also exemplifies similar ideas. Although also not formally educated, Jim displays a kind heart and good soul as he sacrifices his freedom to protect Huck. Twain makes his message clear here: the need for “school education” or rote learning of facts is insignificant in contrast to the necessity of developing a tolerating, amiable self, as Twain portrays these qualities in an extremely positive light through Huck and Jim, two characters that have little practical or vocations education. Thus, it is obvious that education’s true purpose is to foster tolerance and kindness to all.</p>

<p>Not only is the purpose of education seen in literature, but also history. Although Blacks were freed from slavery in the late 19th century, they continued to face racism and prejudice well into the 1900s. Leaders during this period preached tolerance, emphasizing its importance. It took the country several years to realize that ignorance is the key cause for a lack of tolerance, and that education is the only way to overcome the hurdle of intolerance. Indeed, since then, countless efforts have been made to education the public and thereby steer away from racism, clearly showing that the primary purpose of education is the tolerance it develops.</p>

<p>All in all, it is easy to see that the purpose of education is to promote tolerance and kind good hearts, as is seen through both Twain’s Huck Finn and the efforts to eradicate prejudice in the 20th century.</p>

<p>I'd say this is in the 5 range.</p>

<p>Your writing is, for the most part, clear and concise. You state your evidence and explain fully. Good job.</p>

<p>My only concern is that neither of your examples talk about education in the classic sense: attending school to learn. Huck's "education" is definitely informal, and one could certainly argue that his education on the river was more important than anything he'll ever learn in school, so maybe I'm the one who's off the mark.</p>

<p>Final note, the use of the word "indubitably" seemed like you were trying to impress. It is used well, but just leaped out at me.</p>

<p>the only thing I would suggest is to realize that racism is still rampant in our society and has continued well into the new Millennium. other than that, it seems to me that ur essay is slightly off topic from what they're asking... talk more about one of the quotes you're given and then comment on them. remember the old, TS-CD-CM-CM-CD-CM-CM? It sounds crazy, but it works well. Good LucK!</p>

<p>I don't nkow ts-cd-cm-cm-cd-cm-cm. What does that mean? And I love the word indubitably but maybe I should have used undoubtedly?</p>

<p>Topic Sentence, Critical Detail, Critical Commentary,....</p>

<p>sorry. it means you start with a topic sentence, then you go into your concrete detail (either from literature or a SPECIFIC personal experience) then you write your two commentaries that connect back to the topic... then you repeat the last 2 steps... usually you should have a thesis by this point, so make sure that everything relates back to your thesis... and remember to include your opinion in the thesis... :) hope that doesn't confuse you!</p>

<p>Decent, although PeteSAT raised good points - you probably want to discuss the typical American education system and its purpose.</p>

<p>There are about 5-6 small errors like "education the public," "tolerating, amiable self," is awkward, etc. You'll probably want to beef up the conclusion, as well.</p>

<p>Don't worry, though, about referencing the quote -- use it only if it suits your purpose.</p>

<p>However, what will kill you -- and it's kind of a common beginner mistake, so don't feel bad -- is the inappropriate use of "big words" such as veracity and indubitably. "indubitably a necessity" is repetitive, and "The veracity of this claim is evidenced by" is awkward and better reduced to "This is shown by" or equivalent. The grader will know you're just trying to impress him (or her, whatever) and will be kind of disgusted, which will negatively affect his impression of the rest of your essay.</p>

<p>Be precise, clear, and concise. A well stated and delivered argument is much better than beating around the bush to use the most impressive words in your lexicon. Sorry if I was blunt, but I figure you have maybe 12 hours left, so good luck :)</p>

<p>-fren</p>