Anybody wanna grade an essay? PLEEEEZ?

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
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<p>Hi, this is the first essay I've written on a SAT prompt. Feel free to critize, (be gentle tho' :)). Scores out of 12 would be great. Thanx a lot </p>

<p>Prompt : In your opinion, what is the purpose of education?</p>

<p>Quote : "there are 2 types of education... One should teach us how to make a living, and the other how to live." - John Adams</p>

<p>Although John Adams lived over 200 years ago, his words concerning education contain an inherent truth. Education not only provides us with skills in our vocation, but also ethics and logic with which to live our lives. Examples of this principle are prevalent throughout history and include people such as Frederick Douglass and Andrew Carnegie.</p>

<p>Frederick Douglass was an anomaly among slaves. He was literate, because he was educated by his mistress when he was a young child. When he moved to the North as an adult, his education not only provided him with employment as an editor of a periodical, but also allowed him to voice his concerns about slavery. His outstanding rhetoric was prevalent in his weekly paper, as well as in his impassioned speeches as he decried slavery and urged for equal rights for all people. As a result, Douglass not only lived off his literary education, but he also used it to dictate and express his morals and beliefs of equality.</p>

<p>Another historical figure who utilized his education as both a vocation and as his principles of life was Andrew Carnegie. Carnegie was born into a working-class family, and began his career working as a proletariat. His benevolent manager encouraged Carnegie to invest in bonds, and eventually educated Carnegie on the principles of finance. Later in his life, Carnegie had become a shrewd investor and a steel magnate, yet he did not forget his manager's kindness and aid. Carnegie donated millions of dollars to educational organizations, hoping to share the wealth his education had brought him. Therefore, Carnegie not only built his fortune from his education, but used his education to govern his life, donating copious funds for the advancement of learning.</p>

<p>In conclusion, education not only teaches us how to earn our daily bread, but also guides our lifestyle. Frederick Douglass used his literary prowess to profit from his magazine as well as express his views of slavery. Andrew Carnegie implemented his business acumen to accumulate a vast fortune and encourage his belief in education. There are countless other examples, but the principle holds true: education not only teaches us skills for the workplace, but also skills for life.</p>

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<p>Princeton Review has a great essay grader. They grade you 10 tests for 20$.</p>

<p>I went form scoring 8 twice on the SAT to scoring 11 on my third attempt.</p>

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<p>is the essay electronic, or is it graded by a person? Do they give you feedback?</p>

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<p>It is all electronic and graded by a person with feedback. This is a sample from what I did/received.</p>

<p>Writing
Prompt: Making decisions is something we all struggle with. We worry that we need more time to think things through, or that we need more information , or that we will simply make the wrong decision regardless. But inaction gets you nowhere. Even a bad decision can teach us something valuable. Adapted from Alicia Smith When faced with an impossible decision, in which either option results in equal suffering, it is altogether appropriate to refuse to come down on one side or the other. Such a circumstance is a sign, not that you are morally weak or indecisive, but that there is something seriously wrong with the world around you. Adapted from C. S. Parker, “Conditions for Change”
Assignment: Is making a bad decision better than making no decision at all? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, and observations.</p>

<pre><code> Making a bad decision is better than making no decision at all. As Jean Paul Sartre once said “inaction is still an action”. That inaction could turn out to be worse than the supposedly bad action. Even from the bad action, we can always find something positive; something to learn about.

Inaction is still an action. When General Eisenhower needed to command troops in World War II he often needed to choose plans that inevitably would lead to many troops dead. If he decided to not choose, his stationed troops would be attacked by German troops. If he chooses inaction; that is still an action he chooses to take. Some historians may argue that the Invasion of Italy was a complete catastrophe. Eisenhower learnt from his mistakes and decided to invade Europe from Normandy, in the northern French coast. The Invasion of Normandy was so successful; it was a definite turning point in the war. Eisenhower was mistaken when he decided to invade Italy, however from this bad action he learnt and decided to invade Normandy instead.

Dr. Matin Luther King Jr. lived in a time where people were not judged by the content of their characters, but by the color of their skin. It would have been easy to simply observe and passively accept the atrocious segregation taking place in the Deep South. Dr. King decided to take action against this. The segregation was almost innate in both African and white groups, that to change the status quo would seem unimaginable. He had to choose between accepting the status, or fighting against it. He knew that if he fought he would be successful or a complete failure. He also knew his life would possibly be in danger. In Dr. King’s case, he was able to desegregate restaurants, restroom, and buses, among many other places that up to that point would have been unimaginable. However, he was tragically assassinated. His decision and action to face segregation led to desegregation, but to his death. However, if he had only passively accepted the status quo, he would have accomplished nothing.

Inaction is the worst action to take. We must act and decide. If Dr. King would have just thought about “what if I acted”, instead of acting America would be a radically different place. It is better to find out the consequence of an action than to forever wonder: “What if I had….”.
</code></pre>

<p>Comments</p>

<p>Structure
Organize your essay before writing it.
Make sure you leave enough time to finish your essay and edit!</p>

<p>Other
Daniel, you provide an insightful introduction, but you need to preveiw your examples for smoother overall progression of ideas. You have a well developed and a well supported essay.</p>

<p>Score: 11</p>

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<p>I agree entirely with the post above.
Score - 11</p>

<p>You made great use of vocabulary and your essay flowed perfectly. You used good vocabulary and you made no mistakes. You backed up your claim with good evidence and you wrote an overall, coherent essay. Good Job!</p>

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<p>thanx ballin4ever, but did you give an 11 for my essay or danhernan?</p>

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<p>First of all danhernan, I dont think you should be hijacking other threads with your essays lol...</p>

<p>D-Yu, I think this essay would be 9-10.
The introduction should establish your thesis (can be first sentence of end of paragraph - I personally do end of paragraph because my first sentence is usually some broader statement/concept). However, the intro should be much more than that. What you have is merely a thesis. I think you can get away with a bare conclusion, but intro is important to SAT graders, esp since its the first thing they see, and thus a part of the essay thats guaranteed to be read (who knows if they read the whole thing, but they most likely will read the intro at least - then maybe glance at length to determine score lawl)</p>

<p>Your analysis is fairly repetitive...you just sort of repeat your thesis in your body paragraphs and count them as analyses. If you're going with 2 paragraphs, make them outstanding for the 12. I preferred 3, since it made certain that I would fill up the 2 pages (which btw is pretty important for a high score imo). </p>

<p>Note that proletariat is not one person, its the working class. Try to limit any diction mistakes - its much better to say "laborer" than proletariat used incorrectly.</p>

<p>Your conclusion is just thesis, example, thesis. Conclusions should be where you develop your thesis and further the argument. What is the significance of education being so important to life? The final sentence of an essay should not be your thesis.</p>

<p>Otherwise, I think you have the basics of the SAT essay down. Just work on developing the examples - get better ones while youre at it :P (ex. i think douglass's experiences dictated his morals, not his education...unless of course his slave master taught him that slavery is bad...)</p>

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<p>thanx a lot echelon! i'm a little confused on how i should have written the intro tho' and also how to further analyze the examples w/out repeating the thesis. I might have to ask you to grade another one in a week or so! lol</p>

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<p>it's possible to get from 10-12..depending upon graders of course.</p>

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<p>"Although John Adams lived over 200 years ago, his words concerning education contain an inherent truth."</p>

<p>I think the John Adams quote and your thesis that education is essential for many things experience a disconnect. John Adams states there are 2 types of education, and then you say education can be used by a lot of things under the umbrella of the two types. That wasn't the spirit of the quote. But I guess if you only have 25 min to write, it's okay. </p>

<p>"He was literate, because he was educated by his mistress when he was a young child. "</p>

<p>"Carnegie was born into a working-class family, and began his career working as a proletariat."</p>

<p>...& some other sentences</p>

<p>Don't put commas in random locations, lol. </p>

<p>I would give this essay a 10/12. You should review comma use within narrative.</p>

11

<p>D-Yu: For the most part, nice vocab and grammar, but it's a little short. Try to get yourself over 400 words (you're currently just over 300) and you'll easily have a shot at a 12. As is, you'd probably get a 9-11, not because of lack of quality but because of lack of length.</p>

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<p>Yes, there are a few too many commas, but overall I really doubt the SAT scorers care. They look for vocab words, length, and general goodness.</p>

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<p>Although the placement of commas for essential and nonessential phrases, amongst other purposes, is key to correct grammar, the art has been lost and I suppose the readers won't penalize you too harshly. But it might be the different between an 11 and a 12.</p>

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<p>Echelon I posted my essay because I wanted to show him a sample of Live Grader from Princeton Review. I don't think you read my previous posts. In my case that service helped me. It is probably more reliable than HS or college students grading an essay. But do whatever you want I was just giving some publicity to this service.</p>

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<p>do you have to take a princeton review course in order to use Live Grader?
I did not see any option of buying it separately.</p>

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<p>Great essay, great structure and flow, great ideas, few minor grammatical and syntax errors. Body paragraphs are good but intro and conclusion are a little on the weak side.</p>

<p>I would say 10. 11-12 if you added another paragraph.</p>

<p>BTW, those automated scoring programs aren't that great. I copy and pasted a few disjointed paragraphs from essaygenerator.com for one of my SAT online course prompts for fun, and I got an 11. I think they grade largely on length and whether it has grammatical errors or not.</p>

<p>edit: didn't read your post closely danhernan, the PR essay grade looks a lot better than Collegeboard's</p>