Grade my essay? (First attempt)

<p>Hi,</p>

<p>This is my first attempt at an SAT essay. I know there will probably be a lot of room for improvement, so please grade it for me and provide any feedback that may be of use.I recognize that spelling mistakes are a problem in my essay, among other things. Will that affect my score?</p>

<p>Thanks.</p>

<p>Prompt:</p>

<p>“Sometimes it is necessary to challenge what people in authority claim to be true. Although some respect for authority is, no doubt, necessary in order for any group or organization to function, questioning the people in charge- even if they are experts or leaders in their fields- makes us better thinkers. It forces all concerned to defend old ideas and decisions and to consider new ones. Sometimes it can even correct old errors in thought and put an end to wrong actions.”</p>

<p>Question:</p>

<p>“Is it important to question the ideas and decisions of people in authority?”</p>

<p>My essay:</p>

<p>It is highlly important to question the ideas and decisions of people in positions of authority and power. A lot of scientific discoveries have been a direct result of questioning the dogmas propagated by people in authority.Similarly, lot of personal achievements and break throughs can be achieved only through questioning of conventions propagated by authority. Likewise, lot of social injustice can also be averted only by questioning authority.Below,we will discuss several examples, which will make these points clear.</p>

<p>The world,had for a long time been considered to be flat, and that was the view propagated by the religous leaders at the time. To suggest otherwise, was deemed heretical. Even so, a lot of scientists and thinkers like Galileo, through their emprical observations came to the conclusion that the world was round. Without their abject willingness to question and go against the church's dogma, such a discovery would not have been possible. Thus, we see questioning of authority, in this case, has been highlly fruitful in advancing science.</p>

<p>Another example I would like to share, is my own personal experience at the gym. All the 'experienced' trainers there had been advicing me to follow low rep, high weight training, to maximize my fitness and put on most amount of muscle possible for my body. I tried following that routine for over an year, but it yielded little in the form of results.So, on the basis of further research, I decided to switch to high reps and medium weight routine, and after that I've seen an amazing change in my body. So, the trick here was to not just follow what the 'trainers' had been propagating, but to question their methods, and find the method that worked the best for me.</p>

<p>Another example would be, the prevalance of caste system in India, and how Gandhi did a great deal in removing this social evil by questioning this system, which was preached by all the religous leaders in India, and which had been passed on for generations.</p>

<p>Thus, from the above examples we see, questioning authority is essential both for personal improvement as well as for development of humanity as a whole.</p>

<p>bump. Some one please help.</p>

<p>what is with the last 2 ‘paragraphs’? You might as well make those 1 big paragraph or make it longer.
That thesis definitely needs more work.
grammar/spelling errors.
i don’t see any topic sentences in any of your body paragraphs… if so, can you tell me
i’d give it a 4-5/12</p>

<p>Thanks a lot for the reply. </p>

<p>Yeah, I ran out of time and space towards the end, and hence the last two paragraphs. By topic sentences, do you mean I have to conclude each of the paragraphs by rephrasing the topic sentence? Isn’t things like ‘Thus, we see questioning of authority, in this case, has been highlly fruitful in advancing science.’ enough?</p>

<p>Don’t add in the third example because by doing so, you don’t incorporate as much analysis as you could have. Avoid personal experience examples and stick to history and literature. I give this essay a 4</p>