<p>I think your firs example is really nice, the second and third ones are fine, but u can make them better by being more specific and detailed. Also, there is a scope of improvement in the final para.
Other than that, u might wanna use some verbose. I know that it ain’t required, but would make ur essay sound better overall.
I’d probably give ur essay a 9 or a 10.
Best Of Luck</p>