Please grade my essay!!! Will return favor

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>Hi, if people can grade my essay and give suggestions for improvement, I will greatly appreciate it! I will be taking the SATs for the 1st time in January. Also, please comment about the length of my essay. Do you think it's too short (and I should add another supporting paragraph?) or is it okay?</p>

<p>Prompt: Is it necessary to sometimes challenge authority?</p>

<p>Society has always been led by authority figures. Authority is necessary for society to function and develope. However, sometimes it is necessary to question the ideas and decisions of people in positions of authority because it can put an end to wrong actions and force everyone to defend old ideas and to consider new ones.</p>

<p>For example, during the 1900s, Hitler came into power in Germany. Hitler introduced widely sweeping changes and initiated a bigoted system that ultimately became known as the Holocaust. During the Holocaust, millionaires of Jewish citizens, homosexuals, and disabled people were rounded up and forced into brutal and inhumane concentration camps. Millions of people died from inhumane treatment. The reason Hitler was able to achieve such power was because numerous people followed him, too afraid to question the decisions of people in authority. However, numerous brave people also questioned Hitler's decisions by hiding Jewish people from harm, often at the risk of their own lives. Thus, sometimes it is important to question the decisions of people in authority because it can put an end to wrong actions.</p>

<p>Also, during the 1700s, the French Revolution occurred. The common citizens in France revolted against authority by storming Bastille and ultimately starting a revolution. The French citizens were tired of the old ideals of how the noblemen can live a luxurious and fun life while the common people have to work tirelessly for little pay and food. Thus, the common people revoluted against authority to force the noblemen to considen the new idea of equality. This shows that sometimes, it is necessary to question the ideas of people in authority when the idea's aren't fair.</p>

<p>While it is important to respect authority, authority is not always right. Thus, sometimes it is necessary to question the ideas and decisions of people in authority to correct old errors and put an end to wrong actions. Questioning authortiy ultimately makes us better thinkers and create a better society.</p>

2

<p>I’d say a 3 to 4
Those 2 examples are not my favorite. First, the French Revolution is remembered as more of a disaster (Reign of Terror) that ultimately gave rise to Napoleon. Second, the Hitler example probably are overused by now, so graders aren’t inclined to give you any more credits than the common 2 and 3ers. Plus, honestly I found no new insights from already trite examples</p>

<p>Maybe u should use Watergate, Galileo, or the Iraq War in 2003. Even Julius Ceasar could work (since according to Plutarch the republic was in virtual anarchy. If Ceasar didn’t take over, Rome would actually falter altogether). </p>

<p>Also, in the end, scratch it and use a quote to wow your graders. Voltaire’s famous quote on free speech would be great. It’ll show how polished and thought-provoking u can be in just 25 mins</p>

3

<p>bump bump bump…</p>

4

<p>I agree with cpham. You’d probably get a 6 (out of 12). The Hitler example is trite to begin with and worse because you don’t explain why challenging authority is necessary. You say that the lack of challenges allowed Hitler to be successful, and you mention that there were also challenges to his power, but you don’t explain why the challenges were necessary. You mention no effect that the challenges had on Hitler’s reign.</p>

<p>The French Revolution is okay, but not the best. Historically, it would make more sense for this to be used against your argument for the reasons cpham mentioned. The violent Reign of Terror caused many more deaths with the guillotine (although those deaths were equal) than the more peaceful, gradual transition in Great Britian.</p>

<p>Finally, your transition words are mediocre. “For example,” and “also” are too plain. They are 5th grade transitions in my opinion. I would remove “for example” in your first body paragraph completely, and I would replace “also” in your second body paragraph with “additionally,” “secondly,” or something of the sort. </p>

<p>The first sentence if your second body paragraph is horrendous. It is filler space and an awful first sentence that tells the reader nothing to support your main thesis. Telling the reader that something “occurred” is not strong writing. Instead, briefly connect back to your thesis. E.g. During the late 1700s, the French Revolution became the first step to gain an republic in France. Although the movement ultimately failed, it demonstrated that people are capable of overthrowing government and controlling their own destiny. …</p>

<p>(Side note: The storming of the Bastille did not start the revolution. Although it was the first violent act, it wasn’t the first revolutionary act, which was the National Assembly and/or the Tennis Court Oath, depending on your historical interpretation.)</p>

<p>If I think of any other advice, I will say it. Sorry if this seems to harsh. I realize you only have 25 minutes to write it from scratch and I, too, struggle to make a strong essay. Good luck, and keep practicing.</p>

<p>Oh— try to write a lot to get practice writing for 15 minutes nonstop in order to have the endurance to keep writing without having to shake your hand every minute to get the nerves back. Hopefully, you’ll be able to improve your writing speed and ability to spew out that essay.</p>